Man of the Moment

Sean William Scott

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Friday, October 24, 2008

And Then There Was that Time the Marvel Family Fought Ghost Pirates 

So Billy and Mary and Freddie are out looking for contributions for a charity rummage sale, when they stop by Pa Potter's antique shop to hit the old man up for some goods. While there, they find an old pirate map and decide to go get pirate treasure and donate that to charity instead.
As you do...
So, hopping into Pa Potter's helicopter they all go off to find pirate treasure. When the inevitable happens:

The HUGE ASS GIANT RED SKULL bites the helicopter's tail off and only by quickly shouting out their magic words do the kid's escape death. Also, even though they changed right in front of them, Pa Potter apparently doesn't realize that the kids are really the Marvels.
Cap decides to take the fight to the skull, leading to this oddly disturbing panel:

And inside we get this:

Ghost pirates flying around inside a giant skull. Sims is weeping tears of joy right now, I can tell.

Cap gets his ass handed to him by the ghost pirates so he goes to help out the others while they fix the helicopter:

Freddie, you're an idiot.

Billy, you're an idiot.

Ah yes, the obligatory, "the Marvels get knocked out and gagged, thus preventing them from saying their magic words" sequence which happens in every Captain Marvel story.
Also, I have to say, after walking right into the not at all disguised skull, the kids kind of deserve it:

The kids find the treasure, which somehow kills the ghost pirates, and Captain Marvel leaves us with a not at all sanctimonious moral:

Which means, don't become an immortal ghost pirate with a cool flying skull hide-out or it will catch up with you, I guess.
Freddie's still an idiot, though.

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Friday, October 17, 2008

Demure Little Mary Marvel 

And then there was the time she beat up a tree

For not providing sufficient shade for her picnic.

And then there was the time she beat up some bakers

Because 'gluten-free' means 'gluten-free' not 'low gluten,' dammit!

Mary Marvel don't take no guff.

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Monday, October 13, 2008

Cultural Sensitivity with the Marvels 

That's a pretty sweet Caddy the old guy's got there. As for the whole "war against the whiteman" bit and the...curious caricature of the villain, I'll remind you that this story is meant to take place in 1953...


Truly these Captain Marvel comics are full of innocent and harmless whimsy and frolic.

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Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Litmus Test 

I find that how you react to the sight of a crying Sivana is a good indication of whether or not you should be reading Captain Marvel comics.

I'll tell you this much, Luthor never cried over his failures to kill Superman. Destroyed a national monument or beat a hench-man to death with a wrench, sure, but he never cried about it.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm No Good At These 

Gay lions are one of the lesser known hazards of lawn care. The best way to deal with them is to arrange your flower-beds into ugly, contrastic colors and make your yard unfashionable.

Places where poorly constructed puppets hang out are dangerous. Those puppets will cut you just as soon as look at you.

Even Salvador Dali's lazier works can command high prices at auction.

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Monday, July 30, 2007

Offered Without Comment 

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Mr. Tawky Tawny is Hardcore 

"Roomer" is one of those polite euphemisms. Like "Boston Marriage." But when you're a talking tiger in a tacky suit, it's catch as catch can, I suppose.
(Oh please, like you never worked out that Mr. Tawky Tawny was supposed to be gay before now?)

That's right Billy, werewolves, vampires and ghouls are just stories. Like wizards. Or sextet's of pagan gods with nothing better to do than give super-powers to little orphan boys. Or talking tigers.

Billy runs into a little trouble on the way home, though.

I think we've all wanted to kill Billy at one point, so it's hard to hold it against Mr. Tawny.

So, he's a tiger...who turns into a tiger? Once again, the question of what exactly Mr. Tawny is supposed to be is muddled.

Of course he's guilty, he's the only talking tiger in the world. No wonder they call him the world's greatest detective. No, wait...

After a young couple is mauled while making out in the park at night, Billy and Mr. Jones decide to set a trap for Mr. Tawny, who has run away in order to evade capture.

Okay, hands up who didn't see that coming. Was this your first comic? Was this your first narrative?

If you ever wondered how often Billy gets tied up and gagged, only to have something conveniently rip his gag off at the last second, the answer is "twice per issue." The "unable to say the magic word because he's choking on his own blood" angle is new, though.

Mr. Tawky Tawny just killed a guy with a stick.
Mr. Tawky Tawny just killed a guy with a stick!

Mr. Tawky Tawny don't take no shit.

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