First, the strange sex appeal of…Bizarro?

And now, Lois and Clark go to the movies:

“Goddamit woman, I can’t take you anywhere, can I?”

I bet Lois is one of those people who talks on her cell phone during the film too…

It’s cute. But I’m stumped as to which is more trite at this point; “Gay Batman” jokes or Brokeback Mountain parodies.

Of course, I can never get tired of gay Batman jokes. Hell, if I had to stop making gay jokes about comic book characters, I’d have to delete about half my posts…

The Disturbing

Superman leading Jimmy around the city on a lead. Jimmy happily referring to himself as Superman’s “dog.”
Apparently dog play is just one tiny aspect of the seething sexual cauldron that was Silver Age Metropolis.
(No, of course that isn’t a work-safe link.)

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The Annoying

You know, I just bet Dick Grayson was one of those kids that ratted you out to teacher as soon as you broke even the tiniest and most inconsequential of the rules. Because the rules are “for your own good.” And they’re “for your own good” because teacher, or mommy or daddy, or the policeman said they’re for your own good.

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The Cynical

Oh, look, Marvel found another way to make the internet annoying. I particularly like how they point out that the code works on MySpace. Of course it works on MySpace. MySpace only exists so that teenagers can post annoying flash and java apps and hotlink images from people who went to the trouble to put together real web-sites.

“And been made to look like an idiot by you and Batman or one of your other Justice League buddies about a thousand times.”

Case in point:

I love those ellipses right before “cousin.” And Clark’s annoyed reaction followed by a quick save. Exactly how often does one of Clark’s fake “cousins” stop by the office?

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Reader Billy sends along yet another “Always Remember” picture. I like this one a lot, as it harkens back to one of the most wrong Legion of Super-Heroes stories ever written.

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Yesterday was a rare Wednesday visit to the comic shop for me. It was worth it, as I got to witness Corey making the William Riker, Thomas Riker and Admiral Riker action figures kiss and talk of their sexual desire for one another’s beards. But not in a “gay” way, more in a hyper-masculine/border-line masturbatory way.
It was the funniest thing I’d seen in months. Perhaps years.
It is entirely possible you had to be there.

I also flipped through The Road to Civil War: The New Avengers: The Illuminanti. It was…well, lots of talking heads interrupted briefly by a confusingly drawn action sequence. But my skepticism regarding the upcoming Civil War cross-over was increased because of one simple fact: when Namor is acting as the voice of reason, you know that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

And, of course, bringing back the Beyonder and bringing back the Heroes Reborn world, can only be seen by rational minds as further evidence of that.

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Paul & Frank

Probably not quite safe-for-work. But it amused me greatly, especially after some of the recent discussions I’ve seen on-line about “straight” men in gay porn, “straight-acting” men, and gay men who insist that calling yourself gay is old-fashioned.
(from The B-Squad, spotted at Starrfucker)

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As a reward for going through all that, here’s a not at all homoerotic picture of Chris Meloni and Lee Tergesen wrestling.

Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne hurriedly putting on their clothes before Lois Lane gets to the cabin they’re sharing on a cruise…

I swear, sometimes these things are so easy to spot I almost feel obligated to point them out.

If Jimmy Olsen were a real person, I think I would have to hit him. Hard. And frequently. I’ve been reading the Showcase Presents: Superman Family volume, and it’s rough going. Usually it only takes me a day or two to read one of these Showcase volumes, but the sheer amount of Jimmy Olsen stories makes this book slow-going. I can only stand to read one or two stories at a time before Jimmy’s obnoxiousness and terminal cluelessness forces me to put the book down to preserve my sanity.

First of all, well, he’s kind of an idiot. He keeps stumbling into dangerous situations and having to have Superman rescue him. Just think how Superman’s time could have been better spent if he didn’t have to rescue Jimmy twice a day.
“Gee Superman, a bus full of orphans and kittens went off a cliff just outside Metropolis and everyone inside was burnt to death in a fiery cataclysm of pain and suffering, including the nun who was driving. Why didn’t you save them?”
“Well, Jimmy, that would be because I had to save you from the jewel thief whose gang you infiltrated disguised as hobo.”

Second, he’s got a bit of a tick. I’m not sure I could stand hearing him shout out “Super duper” every five minutes, whether it’s appropriate or not.
“Hey, I found a nickel on the sidewalk! Super duper!”
“I narrowly avoided getting run over by that bus! Super duper!”
“Lucy gave me the clap! Super duper!”
(I’m sorry, that last joke was out of place. We all know Lucy’s just a beard.)

Finally, man is he ever a racist twerp!

At least the book has one redeeming feature.

There’s some Lois Lane in there. It occurred to me the other day that, even in the Silver and Golden age stories, Lois was still a damn good reporter. If Clark wasn’t continually gaslighting her she’d have proven he was Superman a thousand times over.

There’s all kinds of sick, Freudian games going on in Supergirl comics, without having to add Supergirl’s warped views of male-female relationships into the mix. But I will anyway.

Supergirl: comic’s first post-feminist!

But then, it’s hard to blame her. Her views on masculine roles are shaped by the father figures in her life. And when they spend their time alternately hitting on her:

And hitting on every woman in sight, regardless of whether or not she has a long-established pre-existing romance with one of your team-mates:

It’s easy to see how you could have a slightly warped view on men.

Does Clark Kent have the Buddha nature? Or has he just taken advantage of his dual identity to play a practical joke on Lois Lane designed to make her look foolish?

I found this story reprinted in Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen and, well, frankly even I’m at a loss to explain some of this story. But I decided I must share it with the world, especially since the on-line community seems to be on a Jimmy Olsen kick lately.

I mean, I know the first thing that comes to mind when you have to go undercover is disguising yourself as a woman, but Jimmy just seems to be enjoying the attention he’s getting from those men a little too much.

Anyway, Jimmy has to disguise himself as a woman in order to find out where a notorious gangster, “Big” Monte McGraw, has hidden some jewels, and this gangster happens to own a club that’s auditioning dancing girls. Because gangsters always discuss where they hide their ill-gotten gains with chorus girls. Jimmy, er Julie, gets a role when it’s revealed that she’s the only girl who can catch a baseball…

(Actually, it’s not that the other girls can’t catch, it’s just that Jimmy has so much more experience with balls flying at his face…)

[Sorry, I couldn't resist that one...]

McGraw, naturally, becomes enamored with Julie, much to the annoyance of Julie’s room-mate, McGraw’s old girlfriend, Maisie. Who has a pet chimpanzee. I’m sure that won’t become a plot point later. Also, Maisie’s apartment must be really hot and stuffy because she always has a fan on. I’m sure that won’t be a plot point later either. And much wackiness ensues as they live together, including an extended sequence in which it turns out Jimmy ate dog food. But eventually McGraw takes Julie out on a real date, and tries to impress her in the classiest way possible: by whacking a guy.

Day-um! Jimmy is one cold mo-fo! I guess the lesson to be learned here is that murder is okay, so long as you only kill someone who would probably have been executed anyway.

(I guess they don’t have any “accessory after the fact” laws in Metropolis.)

Huh. Who could have guessed something like that would happen once the chimp was introduced into the story?

Anyway, Julie/Jimmy overplays her hand when she begs off rehearsals because she’s sick, so that she can secretly search the apartment for the missing jewels. Monte, when he hears that Julie is sick, rushes to her side in order to propose. That’s a whirl-wind romance, that is. Once there he discovers Julie ransacking the apartment and, well, realizes something very important…

Really? He just now notices it? Then why is he so nonchalant about suspecting that the hair was fake? Did he think he was dating a bald girl? In any case, the problem is solved when Maisie’s chimp clocks him one with the baseball bat. I guess the baseball themed cabaret was important to the plot too. Superman then conveniently shows up after all the danger is past to reveal that the missing gems were stuck to the blades of the fan that was conspicuously drawn into almost every panel showing the apartment. I guess the “off” switch on the fan was just too complicated for Jimmy to operate.

“I’m, uh, I’m only still wearing the dress because it’s so darn comfortable…”