Archive for the “rants” Category

Saw the second Fantastic Four film.
Is there anyone connected to Marvel in any way that’s capable of telling the truth?

Apparently the reason DC has been so vague about the solicitations for Flash is that they’ve cancelled the book. In order to restart with the previous volumes numbering, with Mark Waid as the writer. While broadly hinting that they’re bringing Barry Allen back.
Hey, which means that I get to drop Flash! Because while the Bart series had its flaws, there’s no way in hell I’m going to waste my money on Waid’s Silver Age fetishism.

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Everybody else seems to do a regular or semi-regular rundown of Previews, but I don’t. It’s not because there’s nothing I find noteworthy in the magazine, it’s just that I find the experience of reading it so soul-crushing and mind-numbing and infuriating that I can’t imagine that it would be much fun for anyone else to see my reaction.
So I went and did the post anyway.
I also decided to count the number of covers/toys/ads which seem to use women’s chests on display in oddly prominent ways to attract attention.

Dark Horse
The thing that strikes me the most about the Dark Horse listing is the sense of “going to the well too many times” so many titles give me. Groo, Richie Rich, Star Wars, Buffy, Conan, Aliens vs. Predator, Neil Gaiman, The Mummy of all things: I’m mostly shocked there’s still perceived demand some of these things.
Boob Count: 1

DC
I’ve already talked a bit about these solicitations already, and I really can’t think of much more to add. Though I still think the odd insistence on “armored versions of characters” in the action figures is sort of odd.
Boob Count: 10

Image
The apparent offensiveness of Special Forces is only mitigated by the fact that it’s Kyle Baker doing it.

I think the existence of a Jon Bon Jovi cheap plastic statue “action figure” should be taken as final proof that Todd McFarlane has too much money, if he can waste it acquiring licenses like this.
And doesn’t it seem like the Jack Bauer action figure should come with some torture “interrogation” accessories?
Boob Count: 11

Marvel
Sigh…I want to like you, Marvel. Honest, I do. But you just make it so hard…
Boob Count: 12

I’m also honestly surprised that with all the (deserved) grief Marvel has taken lately, this slipped under people’s radar:

Granted, most of the men don’t get arms either, but that’s still tremendously creepy.

And here’s a little cock panic for the straight boys:

Wizard
I can’t believe people pay money for these shitty magazines.

Anarchy Studios
Boob Count: 4, all Vampirella, if that makes any difference.

Antarctic Press
The Boob Count is only 2, but in the middle of their solicitations is an atrocious ad for “To Heart 2″ figures, so it feels like I should bump that up, even though Antarctic had nothing to do with the ad placement.

Arcana Studio
Boob count: 2. The ad for Kade is so prominent, I think it should be counted as well.

Archaia Studios
Killing Pickman sounds like something I might be interested in, but not at $3.50 for six issues. I can wait for the trade.
I think the ad for Starkweather justifies a Boob Count of one.

Aspen
Boob Count: 5. All for Iron & The Maiden.

Avatar
Boob Count: 5
Ass Count: 1
Crotch Count: 1
Covers Count: 24
Actual Comics Count: 13
Well, at least they’ve found a business model that works for them…

Basement Comics
Boob Count: 3. Mike tells me Cavewoman used to be readable…

Big Bang Comics
Boob Count: 1. But they’re Kirby knock-off boobs.

Bloodfire Studios
Boob Count: 2, counting their ad. But they’re sci-fi elf-girl boobs!

Bluewater Productions
How many different names has this company been under? Anyway, Boob Count is 4.

Broadsword
You know, I’m not even going to bother with a Boob Count. It’s almost the friggin’ point of the line…

Broccoli International
Boob Count: 2. 250 pages into the book before we get our first manga t&a.

Checker Book Publishing Group
With Growing Old with B.C. you can chart Johnny Hart’s progression from occasionally funny hack to insane fundamentalist racist, all in one convenient volume!

Class Comics
I keep forgetting Diamond carries this line now, and since it’s only really listed in the adult supplement, it’s not hard to imagine why. Plus, I’m always more than a little surprised to see Diamond carrying gay porn anyway.

Dynamite Entertainment
We get five full page ads before we even get to their section. And we get a Boob Count of 21, counting those ads. A new record!

I had a comment all ready to go for Lone Ranger, about how the best way to kill my interest in the Lone Ranger is to put out an incredibly decompressed comic, prompting me to wait for the trade, and then put the trade out in hard-cover…with a variant cover…but the hard-cover isn’t solicited in this issue, so the point seems moot.

Del Rey
You know, I’m surprised I can’t bring myself to justify a Boob Count for Del Rey, given that I’ve seen Suzuka before, but this cover is downright prudish compared to previous volumes.

Devil’s Due
Boob Count: 5. Amazingly, G.I. Joe isn’t one of them.

Digital Manga Publishing
This month they’ve got Pop Japan Travel: Essential Otaku Guide, a manga-format travel guide to Japan’s nerdiest destinations. Something tells me this might be one to stock up on…

Digital Webbing Presents
Boob Count: 5

Dynamic Forces
I’m just going to pretend that all this crap doesn’t exist. It’s better that way.

Eighty Eight MPH Studios
An “Ecto-1″ lithograph from the film Ghostbusters…why?

Fantagraphics
I really fail to grasp the appeal of Johnny Ryan. He’s so busy trying to be “outrageous” and “offensive” that he always forgets to be “funny.”

Graham Crackers Comics
Boob Count: 1, for Transformers comic…cripes…

IDW
Boob Count: 2, for Gene Simmons Dominatrix and variant. I can’t help but think some kind of punctuation is appropriate there, probably an apostrophe, though a colon doesn’t seem unreasonable either.
Frankly, I’m appalled the market can support six different Transformers titles…none of which seem particularly appropriate for children.

Linsner.com
Boob Count: 2, not counting what I’m sure are thoroughly tasteful offerings in the Previews Adult catalog.

Moonstone
CLASH: I’m trying to avoid dismissing this as yet another attempt to rewrite Watchmen and failing.

Oni
Yes, I’m the jerk who doesn’t like Scott Pilgrim.
I’m also frankly baffled by the hipster kid ironic nostalgia for heavy metal music, which Black Metal seems to be trying to tap into.

Tokyopo
Boob Count: 2. Slow month for Tokyopop.
I do reserve the right to mock mercilessly anyone who buys the Star Trek manga.

Tyndale House
Manga Messiah: of all the things that come to mind when I read that title, a straight-faced adaptation of the Bible, with a frankly cynical attempt to make it appeal to kids and teens by using manga-style art, wasn’t one of them.

Valiant Entertainment
What, seriously?

Virgin
Boob Count: 2

Viz
Boob Count: 1, but it’s for a title called Kurohime, which looks so ridiculously over the top I’ll probably need to check it out.
I mean, look at it:

I break out into giggles every time I see it.

Viz also starts the weekly releases of Naruto. The best explanation as to why that I’ve seen is that they want to burn off all the volumes containing an unpopular storyline, and gimmicking them out this way is the most financially logical way to do it.

Zenescop Entertainment
Boob Count: 4.

Magazines
Boob Count: 2, both Femme Fatales. A magazine which can never seem to decide if it’s a Maxim-clone or a Playboy-clone for nerds.

Books
I’m always baffled by half the stuff that gets solicited here. I can only imagine that the section exists to fulfill the obsessive collecting needs of those shut-ins who haven’t heard of Amazon.
Also, there’s a Chronicle Books ad on page 403 for Wonder Woman merchandise which, as far as I can tell, are not solicited in this issue of Previews. Timing people, timing!

International
Boob Count: 3, which is surprisingly low for this section.

Trading Cards
That’s cute…they think there’s still a market for trading cards…

Apparel

“Hey man, what’s that supposed to be on your t-shirt?”
“Oh, it’s the Silver Surfer. But as a zombie. Pretty cool, huh?”
“…You don’t get out much, do you?”

Toys & Models
Boob Count: 6. And how fucking creepy is it that the “toys” section deserves a “Boob Count?”

General hint when going through the toy section: anything that says “sold in case lots only” may as well read “we’re forcing retailers to over-buy because the profit margin vs. perceived demand is nonexistent.”


McDonaldland action figures: who buys this shit? No, seriously, I want to know, because if they have that kind of money to waste, they may as well give it to me.

On page 448 there’s a “Steve Irwin: Wildlife Adventures Ocean Dive” playset. Which strikes me as being in slightly poor taste…


That’s just hideously off-model. And nightmare inducing. And they want $40 for it.


There’s a $10 difference in price between those two statues. Seems hard to justify to me.

Page 470:

Okay, setting aside the fact that anyone reading Previews is likely to know what Han Solo looks like, this is what’s on page 471:

Timing people!

And then there’s a bunch of over-priced vinyl figurines for hipster kids.

Import Toys and Models
Boob Count: 13


I fucking hate nerds…apparently, in the series this figure is from, she doesn’t even have a name, just a title. You know, to make the dehumanization even easier for fetishists.


It’s a base for your Char-piloted Gundams. Sold separately. That’s actually kind of brilliant in it’s evil.

I want to work up some bile over the “Hostel” action figure on sale on page 504, but honestly? The popularity of torture porn just makes me depressed.

Collectibles & Novelties
Is there any good reason why this stuff can’t be merged into the two other toy sections? Because I honestly don’t understand why Star Wars fake helmets are “toys” but 300 fake helmets are “collectibles.”

“World of Faries and Elves Figures”

I know some people get annoyed when they see obvious head-shop junk “gifts” in their comic book and collectibles catalog, but I love it. It’s a none too gentle reminder of where, exactly, comic book stores place in the retail hierarchy.

Games
Monte Cook creating a new back-story may actually get me to pick up a “World of Darkness” game. Because almost anything has got to be better than their regular campaign back-grounds.

Videos
Like the book section, I’m baffled as to who this is useful for. You can get every single thing in this section sooner and cheaper anywhere other than a comic shop. The only thing I use it for is to keep track of anime release dates. So that I can then go get them at Fry’s. For about $5 to $10 less than Diamond has them.

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Ragnell examines a trend in recent comics conversations online, in which fan entitlement concerns are dressed up as outrage over imagined sexism to give those arguments undeserved weight. This is a trend I’ve been sensing coming on for awhile now, and it does no one any good as it obfuscates genuine issues of concern and gives the pro-misogyny crowd ammunition to dismiss legitimate critiques by associating them with illegitimate ones.

On a related note, I can’t stress enough how much I disagree with Johanna’s fundamental position, that super-hero comics “aren’t for girls.” It’s an overly reductive, near-essentialist attitude towards gender and genre that I’m really disappointed to see coming from such an intelligent and articulate commentator. It’s not the genre itself that is sexist, it’s the way the genre is marketed. There is nothing specifically masculine about Manichean morality plays in tights. I’m further troubled, because the “super-heroes aren’t for girls” argument is the flip-side of those stupid “get your girlfriend to read comics” articles that pop up in the nerd-press from time to time which always recommend Strangers in Paradise and Sandman for women comic readers, as if there is some sort of female hive-mind enforcing uniformity of taste. It assumes that women “naturally” don’t want to read about super-heroes, and that those who do are outside of normative parameters.

Kevin makes some very good arguments about accessibility in contemporary super-hero comics, and I essentially agree with him. Where we differ, I think, is that I’m not as concerned with accessibility in comics that are quite clearly designed to appeal primarily to existing fans with an extensive knowledge of comics continuity as I would be in work that is meant for a wider audience or has the potential to appeal to a wider audience. I’m okay with tailoring work for the “continuity porn” crowd to that crowd, in other words.

Chris talks about Dark Horse, and their inability to make material that they’re advertising, material aimed at a very narrow market, available to their primary consumers; retailers. So, it’s business as usual for Dark Horse, really.

Here’s your fun link: I’ve finally figured out why the character designs in the new Transformers movie bother me. All the robots look almost exactly the same. Apart from variations in color, I’m hard-pressed to tell them apart.
The fact that they all look like they’ve got metal dildos glued on to them doesn’t help much either.

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A Primer Born Out of Many Years Experience Blogging

Don’t Blog. Seriously, don’t. Blogging has been called the CB-radio of the 21st century. That’s being far too generous. It’s also been compared to publishing a zine. That’s simply stupid.
Blogging is the pet rock of the 21st century. Inherently stupid, probably a scam, and the people who fall for it should really know better. Let’s face it, ten years from now, a bald and fat Dane Cook will be on VH-1’s latest talking-head nostalgia exploiting reality program talking about how everyone thought blogging was cool and everyone had a blog and then just as suddenly everyone came to their senses and got on with their lives. When your significant other asks, all innocence, if you ever had a blog, do you really want to admit to it?

Don’t Link to Other Blogs. A link to another blog is a tacit endorsement of that blog’s content. Think carefully about the content you’ve seen on other blogs. Do you really want to be associated with…that? I don’t think so.

Don’t Pay Attention to Your Incoming Traffic. This is very tempting, but it should always be avoided. Blogging, by its nature, is a very egotistical act, so you’ll want to see who is sending readers your way. You’ll want to know who thinks you’re a genius.
What you will discover, almost every single time, is that the people sending you readers are idiots or assholes or both. Idiots and assholes and idiot assholes like your blog. That means you suck.

Don’t Host Your Own Images. Some pipsqueak on MySpace will just hot-link them.

Don’t Ever Review Anything. It’s not worth the hassle or the challenges to your taste or ethics. If you buy your own materials to review, you’re just a fanboi, so you can be safely ignored. If you are sent materials to review by publishers or distributors, then your opinion can be ignored since you only give things good reviews to keep the free loot coming in. And if you ever have the nerve to give anything a bad review, well, you’re probably just a bitter crank who doesn’t get it!

Don’t Linkbait. In other words, don’t put up posts just to get people to link to you and talk about you. There are various ways to go about this, all of them a bad idea. You could blog about things you don’t like, but that would just be sad. Or you could start a blog tracking discrimination in popular entertainments, but reveal yourself to be a xenophobic, racist, homophobic religious supremacist with every post. You could even make a habit of going out of your way to deliberately provoke other bloggers, because a good flame-war increases hit counts on all sides.
The ultimate expression of this would be simply to start a blog linking to other blogs. But no one would be mad enough to do that.

Don’t Allow Comments on Your Posts. The only thing remotely sadder than a blog writer is a blog reader. Do you really want validation so badly that you are willing to put up with the inevitable trolls and sycophants?

So, in conclusion, don’t blog.

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There’s been some question in the gay blogosphere if this ad from the Super Bowl should be considered offensive or not:

The joke here seems to be that casual homophobia is funny. Which, at this point, if you have to have why it’s not funny, or appropriate, explained to you, well, there’s probably no point explaining it to you. For myself, I find the ad more stupid than offensive, and it certainly doesn’t make me want a candy bar.

What I found more troubling was the reaction videos Snickers used to have on their web-site, in which football players expressed disgust at the notion of two men kissing. Homophobia in professional sports is a real problem, and one that most American sports leagues have been more than willing to turn a blind eye to, and it’s disheartening that advertisers would seek to profit off it.


This picture has also made the internet rounds lately:

Now, I look at that picture, and I see a very attractive man. But apparently most gay men online are looking at that picture and seeing a big, fat, disgusting, fat, piggy, fat-fattie.

How fucked up is the body image of most gay men that they look at Morrissey and see someone fat? I’m not ashamed to admit, he’s in better shape than I am, and he’s in much better shape than most Americans. But then the attitude of Americans towards their bodies is out-right schizophrenic; we’re quite probably, if not certainly, the fattest nation on the planet, but we loathe any body-type that strays from an impossible notion of perfection, so this sort of thing really shouldn’t surprise me.


I’ve become interested in the culture that has sprung up around massively multi-player games. Enough so, in fact, that I finally broke down and bought a copy of World of Warcraft. This is as much a surprise to me as anyone, as when I had played WOW before, I hadn’t really liked it very much. The emphasis on the game is very much on grinding to the maximum level possible, and then running the same dungeons over and over again to collect better and better equipment. There are also a great deal of time-sinks built into the game, designed seemingly to keep you playing and distracted from the highly repetitive nature of the missions. I’m still continually baffled by some of the “loot” drop rates, which more often than not defy all common sense:
“Go and bring me back eight wolf paws!”
“Okie-dokie, that just means go out and kill two wolves. No problem.”
Three hours later…
“Boy, I can’t believe there were over two hundred paw-less wolves in this forest.”

And the less said about crafting systems and auction houses and other manifestations of in-game economies, the better. No, the City of Heroes games are much more my speed. The missions aren’t any less repetitive, but there’s a “get on, beat bad guys up for an hour, team if you want to, log off” approach that suits my lifestyle a little better.

So, why did I get the game, if it’s not really my sort of thing? For some variety, mostly. Now, when I want to pretend to be someone else, I have another option besides “superhero” or “supervillain.” I even went a step beyond, and put the character who has evolved into my “main” on a role-playing server, a step I’d always been reluctant to do in other on-line games. I’m not sure why I ever hesitated, it’s not as if anyone on the role-playing servers ever, you know, role-plays their characters, but it was the thought that counted. Plus, as I said, I’m finding myself intrigued by the cultural significance of MMO games, and WOW is definitely the biggest one out there, so it felt like it was worth investigating.

Plus, I played a little bit of a “free” MMO from a major publisher that was basically a complete and utter knock-off of World of Warcraft, but without a tenth of the charm or appeal but plenty of fanboy pandering geek humor. After seeing WOW done wrong, it suddenly made the real game look a thousand times more appealing.


A little Bat-memeage for you all:


Lastly, a link for you all: Sam Costello interviews John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats.

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