Hey, Sgt. Rock, what did you think about that “Wonder Woman as Star Sapphire” cover?

I, uh, I just thought it was kind of dumb and goofy myself.
(Remind me not to ask him about Avatar…)

Justice League: Cry For Justice #1. Gay man killed to make a super-hero feel bad.

Justice League: Cry For Justice #3. Gay man killed, and skinned, to make us think that a super-villain, one who single-handedly took out the Justice League once for God’s sake, is scary and important.

These incidents probably wouldn’t stick in my craw except, well, twice in one series? And at a company where the only other gay male character of significance*, Obsidian, just got turned into an egg after several years of doing nothing much but hang out literally as a shadow in the background. And if killing the faggot wasn’t such an old and monumentally stupid cliche in genre fiction.
When Marvel, the company that gave us the historic “Hulk gets raped” comic and the “Lol, fag” version of Rawhide Kid, is doing a better job by their gay characters, something has gone wrong**.

*_{I don’t count Mikaal as a gay character, as “aliens who don’t perceive gender and sexuality as we do” was last excusable as a metaphor for homosexuality in The Left Hand of Darkness.}
**_{Yes, Rucka’s Detective Comics run with Batwoman is brilliant and remarkable, and DC should be lauded for it. But if you think that the prurient interest many straight men have in lesbians didn’t play a role in getting it published you’re delusional.}

There’s a curious symmetry that the last comic I read before I disappeared off the face of the Earth for three weeks was Blackest Night #1 and the first one I’ll read when I get back is Blackest Night #2. So, did I miss a glorious meltdown amongst the fan entitlement crowd? Or are they all still complaining about Cry for Justice because “omigod zombiez so awesome, yo”?

I did manage to pick up a few odd comics while I was traveling. I’ll probably get to the more interesting stuff I picked up at Comic-Con later, mostly because I barely remember them and need a chance to rediscover them. But the were a couple of things worth mentioning that I picked up post-Con.

Justice Society of America # 29
by Bill Willingham, Matthew Sturges and Jesus Merino, published by DC Comics
I don’t think there was ever a time when you could say that Bill Willingham was a great comic-book writer, but he used to be at least good. If the last two years worth of Fables hasn’t convinced you that his talent has declined, this issue should. It’s not just bad, it’s aggressively bad. I needed a Wildcat fix and so picked this up, but if this is the caliber of story to expect, I may be off the JSA for the first time since my teens.
Every character speaks with an affected “bad ass” voice, except for Cyclone, who Willingham somehow manages to make even more annoying with three lines of dialogue than Johns managed during the entirety of his run. He also manages to introduce two of the most obnoxious, instantly unlikable new characters in comic book history. And this is on a book that has become a showcase for bad characters inspired by the insipid and over-rated Kingdom Come, so for King Chimera and All-American Kid to be more aggravating than Cyclone, Lightning, Damage or Judo-Master, well that is quite some feat.
And then Obsidian is turned into an egg, which is even stupider than “hanging around flat on building walls” and the entire team is beaten by a group of C and D list cross-over canon fodder villains in order to establish how “big” the threat is. Instead of actually giving us a convincing threat.
Art’s pretty, though.

The Stuff of Legends Volume 1: The Dark, Book 1
by Mike Raicht, Brian Smith and Charles Paul Wilson III, published by Th3rd World Studios
Ponderous title, but this was the book I was most excited about from the most recent Free Comic Book Day, and so I leapt at the chance to buy it when I saw it on a shelf (sorry, Mike). Charles Wilson’s art is beautifully lush and rendered in exquisite sepia tones that bring to the work a nostalgic feel that fits the tone of the story perfectly. The story by Mike Raicht and Brian Smith is nicely evocative of classic “toys come alive” children’s stories. There’s some nice nuance to character here as well, as the toys personalities come shining through with simple dialogue choices and art. If there’s a flaw here it’s that in this first issue the foreshadowing is laid on very, very thick. I’ll wager a quarter that most careful readers will detect the eventual conclusion of the story by the end of this first issue.

Fear Agent Volume One: Re-Ignition
by Rick Remender and Tony Moore, published by Dark Horse Comics
This is one of those comics that people with good taste keep telling me is good, but given that it’s published by Dark Horse it’s always either out of print at the publisher level or out of stock at the distributor level. So it took me a while to stumble across a copy. And I’m glad I did. Tony Moore’s art is fantastic, and the story strikes a good balance between action and comedy, in a realized world that doesn’t feel the need to beat the reader over the head with exposition.
It also has a really frustrating cliff-hanger ending, which means that I need to start stalking stores for volume two…

I also saw a film…
G.I. Joe: Rise of COBRA
Yes, I know, the trailers looked absolutely fucking terrible. And, to be honest, the film isn’t really very good. There’s no sense of logic to the plot and the characters are all cyphers, only vaguely defined by code-names and job titles. But it’s the enjoyable kind of bad, dumb action movie, which is lost in the trailers. It’s fun, and very unpretentious, and it’s not pretending to be anything other than a lot of loud explosions based on a toyline that hasn’t aged well. Granted, I may be coming to that conclusion because as a kid I never gave a damn about G.I. Joe, in either toy, comic or cartoon forms, much preferring to play with half-naked muscle-men and Manichean robot warriors. As an adult, of course, I can appreciate the property more, even in an insufferable, pomo ironic sense, as basically the story of the Village People fighting Randian Libertarian terrorists. Seriously, those toys and cartoons came out during Reagen’s America…and people dismiss deconstructive readings of pop-culture with this staring them in the face.

Over the weekend on Twitter, I made a passing mention of the fact that, as well known and warranted as my antipathy towards that whiny little creep Spider-Man is, there actually is a character that I hate more than him. And let’s be clear here: I really hate Spider-Man. If Marvel published a Spider-Man comic written by Grant Morrison and drawn by a miraculously revived Jim Aparo I still wouldn’t buy it.
And there’s a character I hate even more than that.

And then I had the idea that it might be amusing, to me anyway, to make it into an actual contest, with a copy of Boody, the collection of amazingly bizarre and eccentric Boody Rogers comics awarded to the person who correctly guessed who I hated.

But since a guessing game of who I could hate isn’t very fun, or interesting, I decided to up the stakes a bit. Not only do you have to guess who, you have to guess why, or at least why you think I should or would.

Leave your best guesses and explanations in the comments to this post. At approximately 11:59 PM, Wednesday June 3rd, I’ll close the contest and notify the winner, who will be either the first person to guess correctly or the person who comes up with the best explanation of who I should hate.
Anyone suggesting “Wildcat” will get banned from the comments section.

This little factoid was pointed out to me earlier today:

Yes, I realize that I’m in the minority of people who think Speed Racer was a really good movie, but no matter what you think of it, there is no objective standard by which you could argue that The DaVinci Code, a film based on the worst novel of all time, a novel inspired by right-wing French conspiracy theories from the 1930s, is a better film.
And yet, it not only made more money, it has sequels coming out.
Meanwhile, the visually stunning film that actually had something to say about the conflict between artistic integrity and working within the commercial corporate structure is just yet another thing nerds like to gripe about to impress each other with their supposed cultural superiority.

*sigh*
We really do get the film industry we deserve, don’t we?

Matt Maxwell asks one of those questions for the ages:

The Bandit versus Jack Burton. Who’d win?

Difficulty: No motor vehicles can be involved.

No vehicles? I’ve got to go with Jack Burton. While The Bandit can smirk his way through any number of difficult circumstances, he only really ever had to outsmart a redneck Texas sheriff. Jack Burton had to fight Chinese demons. Advantage: Burton.

However, if we bring motor vehicles back into the equation, I’m going to have to go with The Bandit. I can’t see Jack Burton pulling off a sweet bridge jump in a black trans-am. Advantage: Bandit.

As for love interests, I’m going to have to go with Gracie Law. A tough, intelligent woman who speaks her mind is loads better than Frog, a runaway bride who falls in love with the next guy she sees. Please. Advantage: Burton.

Read the rest of this entry »

• In a particularly stunning display of how the vast majority of comic book nerds, no matter how patiently you explain it to them, actively refuse to get it, at the now no longer worth reading (now that all the good writers have left for Robot 6), Blog@Newsarama, writer J. Caleb Mozzocco engaged in a rather sad bit of gay-baiting in aid of a joke that, frankly, wasn’t the slightest bit funny in the first place.

  The real fun starts when readers point out what an incredibly stupid, not to mention potentially offensive move Caleb’s little joke was, prompting increasingly hysterical and defensive reactions from both Caleb and fellow Blog@ writer Troy Brownfield. For Christ’s sake, they even pull out a sad variation of the “I can’t be homophobic, I have gay friends” defense.

  It was the most pathetisad spectacle of the week. At least until the New York Comic-Con started.

• I thought the dumbest thing I’d ever heard of was the latest revival of the New Mutants comic, the fourth for those of you keeping count. It’s always sort of sad to see Marvel wallowing in shitty 80s nostalgia like this. It’s so contrary to the image they like to present of themselves as a corporation that it almost feels like a betrayal of their core principles. I mean, DC has been publishing Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman comics for 70-plus years; I expect them to look to their past for inspiration from time to time (though, honestly guys, bringing Barry Allen back? There’s a limit, you know?). Marvel is supposed to be the hipper, younger, forward-looking company.

  I suppose this is just them finally admitting that their core audience is man-children unwilling to let go of their childhoods.

• Of course, the absolute stupidest thing I’ve heard so far (non-politically) this week was the annoucement of the Dark Wolverine series. I’ll let you all take a laugh break now.

  …

  Got it out of your system? Good.

  I mean, really? Dark Wolverine? That’s what you think the comic industry needs? A “darker, grittier, edgier” version of Wolver-frickin-ine? And then, to top it all off, the series stars, not Logan, but Poochie Daken, Wolverine Jr.? If X-23 was created to make a certain segment of fandom feel better about their masturbatory fantasies, what audience is Daken created to satisfy? Fangirls who didn’t have quite enough people to pair Logan up with in their slash stories?

• Of course, some of this makes sense when you consider that the man in charge had this to say about fan complaints about the number of cross-overs in Marvel books these days:
  

  “We’re going to do Marvel Slumber Party,” Quesada joked in response to a question about the pattern of crossovers. He said “giving the characters a rest,” as the fan had suggested, would mean “a bunch of books where nothing happens.”

  Either he’s being disingenuous and deliberately misrepresenting the people who think there are too many event books coming out from Marvel too close together, or he genuinely thinks that not having a book tie-in to some larger story means “nothing happens.” I’m not sure which position should insult Marvel fans more.

• Of course, the real tragedy of all this is, that while discussing how face-palmingly stupid all the above is with friends, I was suddenly struck with a really good idea for a Marvel book. Too bad I’d never actually get into a pitch meeting with the company.

  I don’t bash DC enough for that.

• Increasingly I find that, if I’m reading and enjoying a comic published by Marvel, it is in spite of its connections to Marvel continuity. The trend probably began with the “Avengers: Disassembled” storyline, but in recent years it seems that Marvel is incapable of launching a new title unless it’s tied into a cross-over event or spun out of one.
  I tried the Fraction/Brubaker Iron Fist in trade form, and while it had all the traits of a good book, I couldn’t bring myself to care about the post-Civil War status of the character and his supporting cast. It didn’t help either that the character is himself, at best, a D-lister, but the presumed reader was familiar with his history. I’m intensely curious about Incredible Hercules, as people whose taste I usually trust assure me it’s good, but it launches out of yet another cross-over event. Hence, trepidation.
• The only Marvel book that seems to be immune to the disinterest stirred in me by cross-over-itis is Guardians of the Galaxy. I don’t care that it launches out of the Annihilation story-line. I don’t care that the current arc is bogged down in Civil War and War of Kings detritus.
  It’s the book that gives me not only Rocket Raccoon each month, but batshit-crazy 70’s Starlin-esque cosmic antics as well. And that’s all I ask out of my sci-fi comics.
• On that note, I think the current space comics by Starlin at DC are a hoot. Yes, I’m the one.
  I honestly don’t even care if he’s just retelling Dreadstar stories. You could do worse than just retell Dreadstar stories.
• While we’re talking space comics, my only complaint with the current arcs in Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps is that there aren’t enough different colors for space cops.
• It should be noted that the above statement is a huge vote of confidence in what Geoff Johns is doing on Green Lantern, because for years I hated the character and concept. Particularly when it involved Hal Jordan. Especially when it involved Hal Jordan. And it’s become one of my favorite titles of late.
• I still think Green Lantern: Rebirth is one of the fucking dumbest retcons in the entire history of comics, and Skateman level bad, though.
• One of the problems with being in a two-comic-reader household is that whether or not to drop or continue to buy shared titles has to be negotiated from time to time. For example, Pete really likes Fables.
  I’m desperate to drop it.
  Chiefly, it’s because the main-storyline is as over and done with as it’s possible to be, and no matter how much Willingham wants to drag out the conclusion, it’s done. But then, on top of the book being continued past it’s glaringly obvious and natural conclusion, a third title is being launched. In the midst of a cross-over.
  It’s like Joe Quesada took over Vertigo.
  But, apart from all that, it’s getting increasingly hard to overlook Willingham’s politics. Especially now that he’s writing for one of those websites that specialize in propagating the myth that conservatives are an oppressed minority with no access to the mass media.
• Usually the cue for me to drop a manga title is when it stops being quirky and unique and turns into a fight comic. With the most recent volumes, that’s what has happened to Reborn, the book about an infant assassin training a clumsy Japanese school-boy how to be a Mafia don.
  The change-over is working, because honestly, turning into a fight comic represents a move to more placid and laid-back storytelling for a book like this.