Over at The Bureau Chiefs, Ken Lowery and I take our monthly look at trailers for upcoming films. It’s not just me, right, this has been a rough summer for films, hasn’t it?

Since one of the films we looked at is Mark Wahlberg’s move back to comedy, The Other Guys, I thought I’d share a picture from the days when we had no idea he’d eventually star in a film about homicidal foliage.

This is an actual thing:

That this exists hurts my brain a little. Still, even though the pun of the title is as obvious as the Bareback Mountain film was, I have to admit that it’s better than the straight porn parody of the sparkly vampire books: This Isn’t Twilight. No, really?

While we’re on the subject, did you know that there is luchadore themed gay porn?

Now, knowledge that there are films about luchadores having sex with each other? That warms my heart, strangely enough.

Under the weather. You will have to amuse yourselves with this picture of James Roday dressed as a cowboy:

The Batman of Zur-En-Arrh. Awesome, awesome costume.

I didn’t see much in the way of Booth Boys, but these guys almost make me want to see the Prisoner remake.

Obligatory Superman.

Bear Han. Now there’s an untapped market for cross-over merchandise.

It started to become apparent that I was just taking pictures of guys with nice chests.

Twelve inches of Wildcat. Not for sale. Dammit.

I’m proud to say that this is the only non-sexy-Bear Han Star Wars related picture I took. And why not? Any fool can dress up like a space Nazi. It takes class to dress up like a Mandalorian pimp.

This guy wore entirely the wrong costume to be copping a ‘tude about getting his picture taken.

Context

So, by now most people have heard that an actor was finally cast to play Hal Jordan in a Green Lantern movie. Apart from a few Deadpool fans weeping over how they’ve been betrayed, most people even seem pleased with the choice of Ryan Reynolds. Only for now, of course. This is a comic book movie, and this pleasent feeling of good will is only the prelude to the tidal wave of fan entitlement and nerd rage we have to look forward to. Reynolds is a smart choice, as well. He’s done action roles before, and generated a phenomenal amount of goodwill for his role in Wolverine, plus the success of The Proposal indicates that he can carry a film and appeals to women. The only thing that I find slightly puzzling was the weird release of two other actor’s names as contenders for the role. Bradley Cooper would have been just fine. He’s a good, under-rated actor, but The Hangover means he’s probably going to be offered a lot of “dude” comedies for a little while. Which is a shame, as he does drama very well. If for no other reason, you should see <cite>My Little Eye</cite> for his delivery of one incredibly unsettling line. I can only conclude that the notion of Justin Timberlake was an elaborate practical joke that no one got.

But Reynolds…yeah, Reynolds will work. People don’t often see Hal as a guy capable of getting a joke, but forget that he’s an egotist and smarmy as hell. Reynolds can do that beautifully, and has in most of his comedic roles. Hell, it’s practically type-casting. Plus, given that Reynolds has a not inconsiderable gay following, and that all films about pilots eventually feature blatant homoerotic antics (though why this is so is a mystery for the ages), if there are any concerns about Reynolds in the role, there’s a simple and obvious solution: pander like mad.

• Include at least one scene of Hal and the other pilots taking long, soapy communal showers. In slow motion.
• Coast City is either next to San Diego, Los Angeles, or San Francisco. Of those three, San Diego makes the most logistical sense. It’s also pretty damn gay, with a thriving porn scene. Two and two, guys…
• Emphasize over and over again how there’s nothing remotely symbolic about a bunch of different ring-wearing paramilitary organizations organized along the lines of the colors of a rainbow at all.
• Mogo? Obviously a drag queen.
• Since the creators of the comic book can’t seem to conceive of a way to draw that ridiculous Star Sapphire costume on a male character–despite the fact that outfits for men that look just like it actually exist–go ahead and throw a male Star Sapphire into the film. The way the tail wags the dog with super-hero movies and comic books, we’ll either get a guy into the Lavender Corps or Star Sapphire into a decent costume.

Sergeant Benton
Granted, Captain Yates might have been an easier pull, but Benton’s only significant relationship with a woman was taking his little sister out dancing. Plus, it’s hard to go wrong with a man in uniform.

Harry Sullivan
Yes, he’s That Guy. His attitude towards woman hovers right on that line between condescension and chauvinism. Which all just suggests a bit of over-compensation for something, doesn’t it?

Ian Chesterton
I hate the word “adorkable”, but Ian was geek-chic hotness before the 10th Doctor was a gleam in Rassilon’s eye. Plus, you know Barbara would never put out, so there’s a lot of pent up frustration bundled into those suits.

Captain Jack Harkness
Yeah, you’d probably need a full-body condom, given that he’s slept with half-the galaxy, but come on…who wouldn’t?

Steven Taylor
The best thing about trying to get Steven’s clothes off? You don’t have to look at that damn shirt.

Companions and Allies is one of the better Doctor Who guide-books I’ve come across. Even if Steve Tribe thinks Jackson Lake deserves as many pages of discussion as Jaime or the Brigadier.