April 3, 6:25 PM GMT
First episode of new series of Doctor Who airs.
April 3, 6:27 PM GMT
“Doctor Who” becomes a trending topic on Twitter as fans rush to the internet to declare their hatred of the new opening titles.
April 3, 7:00 PM GMT
Internet petitions calling for show-runner and head writer Steven Moffat to be fired appear.
April 4, 6:00 AM GMT
First message board post proclaiming that having a straight show-runner for the first time since 1979 has saved the program from almost certain cancellation appears.
April 10, 7:30 PM GMT
Next episode preview leads to fans complaining about the Daleks, the most profitable and recognizable recurring enemy in the series, appearing on the show yet again.
April 17, 5:00 AM GMT
“The Eleventh Hour” premieres on BBC America.
April 17, 6:00 AM GMT
Message boards begin filling up with complaints about the lack of Rose in the new series from American fans.
April 19, 9:00 AM GMT
A review of “The Eleventh Hour” appears on this website, the author having gotten tired of writing spoiler-free discussions of episodes in order to maintain the pretense that the bulk of his readership hadn’t downloaded the episode two weeks ago.
April 24, 7:00 PM GMT
A fan liveblogging the episode complains that living statues are too “kiddiefied” an enemy to be taken seriously, and that the show needs to depict onscreen blood and violence to be considered a viable adult drama.
May 20, 6:35 PM GMT
Several fan blogs complain about how having a straight show-runner for the first time since 1979 has robbed the show of an essential element of its appeal, as Moffat keeps ramming his “Straight Agenda” down the audience’s throat. There is no indication that they are joking about this.
June 26, 7:30 PM GMT
Message boards fill up with complaints about the resolution of the series finale. The phrase “deus ex machina” gets used frequently, occasionally correctly, in regards to this.
June 29, 3:00 PM GMT
Long exegeses on Moffat’s first season as show-runner appear on fan blogs and message boards. Reactions range from wildly over-enthusiastic to lamentations that Russell T. Davies is no longer working on the show. Strangely, most of the people lamenting the lack of Davies are the same ones who were calling for him to be sacked in 2005.
April 30, 6:30 PM GMT
Several thousand goths sit down to watch their first episode of “Doctor Who,” having decided that it is cool to do so now that Neil Gaiman has written an episode.
June 11, 2:00 AM GMT
Harry Lloyd is announced as the twelfth Doctor, to take over the role from Matt Smith in 2014. American fans are curiously outraged that once again Patterson Joseph has been passed over for the role, and see this as proof that the BBC is a racist organization. Joseph, currently filming on location in New Zealand for his role as the lead in the newest James Bond film, is unavailable for comment.
April 4, 7:00 PM GMT
A new series of Doctor Who premieres, with new show-runner and lead writer Mark Gatiss. Blogs and message boards are immediately filled with nostalgic recollections of the Golden Era that was the Steven Moffat period. Several deaths from terminal irony are reported.
Approximately ninety percent of fans sit down on Saturday night to enjoy themselves some Doctor Who, enjoying some episodes more than others, remembering that, at the end of the day, it is just a television show.