(postmodernbarney.com) » Captain Marvel

Kid Eternity: Backwards Cousin of the Marvel Family

Dorian — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 07:01:35 +0000

“So your plan is to use racist fictional dogs to catch a killer?”
“Of course!”
“…”
“What?”
“I cannot wait until you get killed by the Calculator.”
“What?”
“Nothing!”

Precedent

Dorian — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 08:01:49 +0000

Here we see a crazed, knife wielding Mary Bromfield about to kill Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman.

And people were surprised when she went evil a little while ago…

Freddy Freeman on Elder Care

Dorian — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 08:07:28 +0000

Subtext? What Subtext?

Dorian — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:17:45 +0000

Just Say No

Dorian — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 07:01:28 +0000

The Secret Life of Captain Marvel

Dorian — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 07:01:01 +0000

“You’ve been spending a lot of time staking out that club on 57th lately, Billy? What’s the name? The Ramrod?”
“I’m working on a case Mary!”
“Every night for six months?”

Nightmare Spectacles

Dorian — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 07:01:51 +0000

So, a little while back, I found an affordable copy of Master Comics #45, from 1943. One of the features was “Balbo the Boy Magician”, which I had never heard of before and I’m now sort of fascinated with. Two reasons for that: one, it’s a “magic” character but the stories have a strong skeptical bent, and two, Balbo’s partner is a man named John Smith, an African-American character not drawn in a stereotyped manner or speaking in dialect. In 1943. Giving the lie to the defense of characters like Ebony and Steamboat, that we shouldn’t consider those portrayals offensive because “no one knew better back then.”

Anyway…Balbo is performing a trick for a packed house when one spectator becomes agitated.

It seems that Mr. Walsh panicked because he’s being tormented by a man claiming to be immortal magician Caliostro who keeps threatening to show him things that grow bigger. Uhm…okay. I’m not sure why that’s so terrifying, but Balbo and John agree to help Walsh and expose this Cagliostro as a fraud.

Balbo chooses the wrong time to get smug.

After our heroes are tricked and overpowered by a dwarf, Cagliostro appears and delivers the least menacing line in super-villain history.

And now, terrifying “wearing glasses” horror!

Oh no! It’s a…larger than average guinea pig…

Ah, look at the apparently terrifying giant animals playing!

Uhm…that’s clearly an octopus…

John Smith saves the day with dwarf-tossing!

I have to admire the dwarf’s loyalty…after being tossed through a glass tank at an octopus, he’s still not betraying his boss.

Okay, so a villain who casually tosses off misspelled references to Lovecraft is kinda cool.

And now, Cagliostro’s peculiar plot explained!

And rationality triumphs.

Wisdom of Soloman, Temperment of DeSade

Dorian — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:01:11 +0000

Mr. Tawky Tawny vs. The Recession

Dorian — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 07:01:50 +0000

And thus are unbreakable contracts with Amway formed…

“If you’d done what I did and taken Jim Cramer’s investment advice, you wouldn’t be falling for these shady scoundrels, Mr. Tawny!”

After Billy’s “Incompetent Salesman Tiger” video became a hit on YouTube, Bill O’Reilly devoted a segment to the evils of viral videos.

“Hmm…these sub-prime mortgages seem like a sure path to riches, Billy!”

Subtext? What Subtext?

Dorian — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 07:01:51 +0000