Hippie Jesus wants you to get into his windowless van.

“Carburetors, man! That’s what life is all about!”

A) What is Liberace doing in that field in the first place?
B) What is Liberace doing in a religous comic?
C) No, there is no intentional humor in a Spire comic, only unintentional humor.

Via Mr. Dan Kelly, the infamous “punk rock” episode of Quincy:

Yes, contemporary television shows and their “goths/emos are scary” storylines will look just as dated and ridiculous in twenty years…sorry C.S.I. fans.

Attempts to contemporize Archie comics ruining the jokes:

Does anyone use commercial collect calling anymore? Does anyone use payphones anymore?

Batman being a hypocrite:

Man, was that series awful. I think the “armor” the heroes wore is easily in the top five of “Stupidest Things I’ve Ever Seen In A Comic.” I’m glad Alex Ross really liked the Super Friends when he was a kid, but that was no excuse for DC to put this out.

Oh, and in regards to the big spoiler news from comics today, I only have four words to say: status quo successfully maintained!

Frankly, I always figured Archie for a pushy bottom. But then, I figured Moose was too.

Special Bonus Shot of Archie’s Dad Topless:

The Comet and The Shield, naked, at night, in their shared apartment…and people say that Archie super-hero comics are dull.

Is there no sick, freakish fetish the Riverdale teens won’t indulge in?

“No thanks, racist antique store lady, we’re just browsing.”
Though I’m impressed Chuck was able to talk Nancy into wearing her Power Girl costume out in public.
But that’s not what’s important about this story. No, it’s the way the story directly contradicts my first hand experiences both working comics retail and trying to find nifty, inexpensive items in an antique store.

A potentially valuable commodity left unnoticed in an antique store? That never happens.

A comic book in good shape in an antique store? That never happens.

A reasonably priced comic in an antique store? That never happens.

An actual “collector’s item” in an antique store? That never happens.

Never mind good condition, a near mint comic in an antique store? That never happens.

Selling a comic for more than you paid for it at an antique store? Now that really never happens.

Oh, and the story ends with racist antique store lady getting her come-uppance, for those of you who need closure.

Now, I’ve seen older Archie stories relettered to make references more contemporary (a process which I swear I once saw result in a character holding up an LP and calling it a CD…oh, to have had a scanner then), but this is the first time I think I’ve ever seen the art altered to include a contemporary ad.

Stupidest idea for an Archie comic ever? Or stupidest idea for any comic ever?

Or just “stupidest idea” period?

So, uh, what do you think Melody is so taken with?

Let’s assume it’s not gay porn, shall we.

This is what we call a “Subtext? What Subtext?” moment.

Indeed, Mr. Andrews. Indeed.