So, after a long hiatus from buying any comics from Archie, I decided to take a look at the introduction of Kevin Keller, Riverdale’s first openly gay character. News of the characters introduction got quite a bit of attention back in late April, including the expected “think of the children” nonsense you usually see on the internet.

The story and art is by Dan Parent, one of the better writers and artists working at Archie these days, with inks by Rich Koslowski. It’s stylized, cartoony work that adheres to the Archie house style without being a slavish recreation of it, leaving some room for personal style. I haven’t been the target audience for an Archie comic in quite some time, so honestly, I was most surprised to open up the book and see slick paper and full-bleed artwork. It’s good work, but it took some getting used to, as subconsciously I pretty much expect an Archie comic to look like Dan DeCarlo drew it.

The story is fairly typical of Archie comedy, with Jughead deciding to prank Veronica for slighting him. Only the form the prank takes is Jughead manipulating events so that Veronica spends her time attempting to attract Kevin’s interest, which is never going to happen because Jughead knows that Kevin is gay. After twenty pages of misunderstandings amongst the cast, Veronica finally learns the truth and those who need to get a comeuppance receive theirs.

My primary curiosity about this issue was how a company perceived as so archly conservative as Archie was going to handle introducing a gay character. I had no real concern over the portrayal being offensive; the only thing that would have meant more controversy for the publisher than introducing a gay character would be introducing an offensive portrayal of a gay character. Kevin is a cute, smart boy who likes comics and can go stomach-to-stomach with Jughead in an eating competition. In other words, he’s just rounded enough to hang a story hook on to him, but bland enough to avoid controversy. I generally rankle a bit at bland, inoffensive gay characters in movies and television shows who only exist to play lip-service to diversity but are completely neutered in order to avoid making anti-gay audience members uncomfortable. But this is a comic whose primary audience is preteen girls. Even a fairly bland gay character is pretty ground-breaking, and that Parent even managed to go beyond that and make Kevin sort of appealing is praiseworthy. I’ll admit, Parent draws him a fairly snarky smirk that would be meltingly hot if it was on a real person.

What I’m especially glad to see is that my one, big fear about the way the set-up for the issue was introduced was resolved in an appropriate manner. The premise, that Jughead is using the “secret” of Kevin’s sexuality to play a prank, has the potential to be offensive if mishandled. It makes homosexuality a bit of a punchline, not an aspect of Kevin’s character. Instead, once the truth is revealed, Jughead is scolded by Kevin, and quite rightly, for using him to take advantage of Veronica in an attempt to make her look foolish. The end result is to actually drive Kevin away from Jughead and towards Veronica, ironically the opposite of Jughead’s intent.

Do I expect Kevin to stick around? It would be nice. As I said, he’s an appealing character, and is already slated to make a return appearance. But the last character to be introduced into the Archie universe and demonstrate any staying power was Cheryl Blossom, and even she took a ten year hiatus. The odds are stacked against him, but he does bring something to the Riverdale dynamic that no other character does, so even if he only survives as, inexplicably, the only gay teenager in the Archie comics world, that’s not so bad.

Also, for no good reason, this panel cracks me up:

So, how disgusted am I by this?

I’m never spending any money on Archie comics again.

You’ll never see another Archie themed post here.

Archie Comics wants to pretend that Dan DeCarlo didn’t exist? Okay, fine, I’ll pretend Archie Comics doesn’t exist.

Life With Archie, the “serious” Archie book, for it’s 149th issue featured this apparently Deliverance inspired cover:

It starts out innocently enough, with Archie and Betty poling (no pun intended) their way through Federal wetlands (are there any bits of geography Riverdale doesn’t have?).

Shack: a rough cabin or shanty. So, yes, Betty, well done, all that studying for the SATs paid off. “Shack” is the right word.
Unless of course this is the meaning of “shack” that Archie meant, and you just weren’t clued in to the hip slang of the youth of today…

Of course, the shack dwellers don’t take kindly to strangers…

Which gave the anonymous Archie artist an excuse to draw Betty’s sweet, sweet ass…

That’s right carrot-top, argue with the man with a gun to your girl-friend’s head…
Dumbass…

And then, it all goes horribly, horribly wrong, as the implied subtext goes places not even the Earth-Christian Archie would go to…


Da-da-deir-da-deir-da-deir-deir-deir…

Luckily, Ronnie comes along, in her souped-up speedboat which can’t be legal to be driving around in those shallow Federal wetlands…

“Wow, Ronnie, your dad sure has a lot of emergency supplies! First aid kits, flood lights, life jackets, fire extinguishers…hey, what’s this packet?”
“Oh, those are fake IDs in case Daddy needs to make a run for it and he doesn’t have enough gas in the boat to reach a country that doesn’t extradite.”

Archie hatches a clever plan…I know, it’s not really plausible, but run with it, we’re almost out of story pages…

For the large number of you who are coming here from that foot-fetishist site, that panel was for you.

“Think the police will get here before they drown, Ronnie?”
“Not a chance, Archie!”

From Madhouse Comics #102, Archie’s “monster-humor” book which used to be a comic about a band and their wacky adventures.

And that’s about as close as we’re going to get to an explicit political statement in an Archie comic; those darn liberals are so soft on crime a super-hero couldn’t do his job in today’s society.
This is from 1976, mind you…

To get you through the long weekend:

In order for this gag to work, Betty must have been the recent victim of a serious head injury. How else to explain her reasoning that middle-class, suburban Archie would have meant the sport of fencing?

Archie and Reggie are playing ball inside the Lodge mansion. If you can guess how this story ends, congratulations, you can write Archie comics professionally.

Reggie is a strict Darwinist. This probably explains why he’s a date rapist.

Archie may be a furry, but no matter how you bend the terminology, he is definitely a twink, not a bear.

While you all mull over whether you want to see Phantom Lady or my non-pull list, here’s some wholesome, family friendly Archies songs.

On an unrelated note, if any of you found yourself frustrated by the lack of resolution to the blatant homoeroticism of Hot Fuzz, be sure to check out the bonus materials on the new DVD..

I just simply can’t decide what to post this week, so I’m leaving it up to all of you. Your options are a discussion of a vintage Phantom Lady story, or a list, with explanations, of what I am not buying this week, comics-wise. Because that Phantom Lady story? Nutty. And everybody does lists of what they are buying.

Here ‘ya go:

Whoa-hoa! A naughty double-intender! Mr. Lodge’s misunderstanding of the “it” to which Veronica refers will be humorous.

Steadfastly holding to a preconceived opinion, despite repeated attempts to inform him that he’s wrong? Yep, Mr. Lodge is a Republican.

Betty brings us a parable about love and sex:

Two things occur to me. One, Reggie is clearly a date-rapist of some kind. And yet, the kids still put up with him. And two, that orange is a dirty, dirty slut.
Also, please note, that in all these stories, sex is exclusively something men pressure women into doing. The idea of a woman being a sexual being herself is not permitted in these stories.
Given that this is also the story in which Betty makes a plea for loving and standing by your man, even defending him, no matter how badly he takes advantage of you or is in the wrong, that shouldn’t be too surprising.

So, the worst thing that happened to Veronica today is that someone tried to sell her pot? Yep, she’s a Republican.
Man, if she freaks out this badly over people smoking pot in high school, she’s going to have an aneurysm when she gets to college. Assuming, of course, that Mr. Lodge doesn’t marry her off to a nice Christian boy right after graduation.

I prefer to think of him as a floor wax.

Betty said a swear!

Archie dreams about being roundly rogered by Satan.

Betty offers irrelevant and creepy advice.

Ethel becomes a secular humanist.

An elephant grabs Jughead’s sack.

Jughead is on ‘shrooms.

Reggie is unaware that we all already knew he thinks that.