Horrorween, 2006, Al Sarrantonio
It is remotely possible that I occasionally buy cheap used books for this.

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In suburban Not Canada, a drifter inquires about a room for rent at a not at all suspicious looking home, where the landlady has been looking for a male tenant to fill the void left by her late husband. He thinks he’s in store for widow nookie, but nope, vampire, with a magical cape that lets people travel through time.
This is one of those “just go with it” episodes, by the way.

Our heroes show up just in time for Frank the drifter to get turned into a landlady, hypnotize Micki, and whisk Ryan and Micki with him to 1875 London. Which is filmed in black and white.
As I said, a “just go with it” episode.
Micki and Ryan almost immediately make the aquitance of Abraham, an Irish writer, and his new bride Caitlan, who offer to take the pair who can’t seem to stop dropping broad “we’re time travelers” hints home with them. Frank, in the meantime, takes quite naturally to being a vampire, and starts depleting the local prostitute population. Subtle as ever, Micki and Ryan spill the beans to Abraham and Caitlan that they need to recover a magic cape from a vampire to get home, while Micki slowly succumbs to an eerie state caused by Frank’s hypnosis. Ryan, at least, is genre-savvy enough to want to wait for the morning to track down Frank, though the arrival of an angry mob searching for a vampire brings him, Micki and Abraham out into the fog.

Micki’s hypnosis eventually leads the trio to Frank’s lair, where our vampire has found that removing the cloak turns him into an aged monster. Micki nearly gets the boys killed, but a handy application of garlic lets everyone make their escape. Leaving Micki in Caitlan’s care, Ryan and Abraham stock up for a day of vampire killing. Unfortunately, sunset comes early and Frank tracks down Micki to Abraham’s flat, killing Caitlan in the process of taking his “bride.” Events culminate in Frank’s lair, where Abraham stakes him and Micki and Ryan use the cloak to return home. Once there, Jack deduces that Abraham was Bram Stoker and the events served as the basis for Dracula because of course they did.

This…is a very silly episode. Not just because the antique is the most vaguely powered one they’ve encountered yet, nor for the matter of fact way the show drops in the idea that vampires are a thing, but also for the extremely tiring black-and-white sequences which make up most of it. The one bright spot is Robey, clearly having a ball hamming it up and chewing scenery in her hypnotized scenes.

A Very Robey 80s


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Clive Barker is a challenging author to adapt. His later work is nicely lyrical dark fantasy, but it’s hardly cinematic. His early work is slight and heavy on the gore, though, so that’s what usually gets turned into films. And, of course, everyone eyes greedily the franchise potential of “the next Hellraiser“. In general, then, Barker adaptations work best when they use the old “inspired by” trick to take the framework of the story and do something more cinematically appropriate, as is the case with Ryuhei Kitamura’s The Midnight Meat Train, a somewhat overlooked film which was the victim of studio shenanigans (why, yes, it was released by Lionsgate).

Leon (played by a pre-breaking Bradley Cooper), is a vegan photographer with a straining relationship with his girlfriend and a desperate desire to hit it big in the art world and get away from his current work, photographing crime scenes freelance. After being told that his art-school deep photos simply won’t cut it, he delves into the dark heart of the city and interrupts an attempted gang-rape. The next morning he learns that the intended victim has disappeared and Leon finds the police oddly indifferent to his photos of the possible perpetrators. While investigating, Leon stumbles upon Mahogany, a butcher who has been killing people on the late-night subways. Becoming increasingly unhinged at the refusal of anyone to believe him, Leon continues investigating, and eventually learns of a vast conspiracy behind Mahogany’s actions. Eventually Leon learns that Mahogany, and an unknown amount of other people in prominent positions, are arranging the murders to feed a race of subterranean creatures beneath New York, who only permit humans to live on the island (or at all it is implied) in exchange for the meat Mahogany provides. In a bleakly nihilistic ending, everything Leon values is stripped from him and he is employed as Mahogany’s replacement.

One of the most common complaints about horror films is that they exploit voyeuristic urges in the audience. Lots of films have responded to that by running with it, but Kitamura makes the idea of seeing and being seen a central element of the film’s style. Leon is almost always framing some or all of his actions through a camera lens. POV shots, from a multitude of characters pervade the film, and there are an awful lot of gore shots involving eyes. But not only that, there’s a repetition of mirror shots, reflections, seeing someone through a door or window, and numerous occasions when characters “see” the audience in some way or another. While never directly breaking the fourth wall, the film goes out of its way to make the viewer an active participant in the story in subtle (and not subtle) ways quite effectively.

Beyond that, the film is slickly produced. It’s a reverse-urbanoia film, a film ultimately about the coldness and anonymity of the city and the terrors that could lurk there so easily because there is simply too much going on for anyone to notice them. The film also teases around the “urban legend” theme that appears from time to time in Barker’s work. It’s an effective combo, but I ultimately think I value the placement of the events in the city is where the film draws it’s power. As I’ve said in the past, the classism and racism of most rural horror/urbanoia films puts me off, and the “backwoods cannibal” is a common trope there. It’s nice to see a reversal of that, even if “cannibals in the subway” is itself a bit of a trope, particularly in British and Euro horror, since Raw Meat at least.

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There are a number of directors for whom the kindest thing you can say is “they’re competent.” Paul Anderson I would place in that category. He’s clearly good enough to work steadily, and has somehow managed to make six Resident Evil and three Death Race movies profitable, but he’s never really going to be someone superlatives are laid on. Event Horizon maybe is a good illustration of this, as it is a potentially interesting idea that clearly got away from the film-maker.

At an implausible point in the near future, a rescue ship crew led by Captain Miller is escorting physicist Dr. Weir to Neptune, the last known location of the Event Horizon, a spaceship that disappeared seven years ago which has recently reappeared. The ship was on a secret mission to test a gravity drive which would allow it to travel faster than the speed of light by creating wormholes in space to move through, but has returned derelict and with signs of massive violence. Strange events begin targeting Miller’s crew, and an increasingly unstable Weir, backed by the recovered ship logs, suggest that when the ship moved “outside” space it became infected by a malign align intelligence, killed the previous crew, and is now looking for more victims. Between Weir and the ship itself, most of Miller’s crew is killed, and two survivors escape in the Event Horizon‘s “lifeboat” while Miller sacrifices himself to destroy Weir and the evil ship, though it is suggested that enough of the evil has followed the survivors home to wreak further havoc.

Stylistically, the film wears it’s influences on its sleeve, incorporating pretty shamelessly the weathered industrial aesthetic of Alien with the S&M spikiness of Hellraiser, with some dashes of The Shining and Prince of Darkness thrown in there for good measure. That’s an impressive pedigree of films to be cribbing from, but mostly it just ends up reminding you that those are mostly much better films than this one. And while this is another in Sam Neil’s series of films where he eventually succumbs to the whims of vaguely Lovecraftian horrors from beyond time and space, the movie itself doesn’t even have the nerve to take a stab at any interesting conceptions of “evil” or malice. A “science gone to far” theme is staring them right in the face, they set themselves up for a man doomed by grief and guilt, but nope, they end up going with “hell is out in space, somewhere” and an evil ghost ship.

I think one of the minor flaws is that, in general, horror and sci-fi aren’t an easy mix. Overlap isn’t unusual, and a lot of “sci-fi” films are basically just slasher films with aliens in place of masked killers, and horror has never shied away from using science/scientists as easy markers of hubris leading to tragedy and terror. But what you usually see, then, is a horror film in sci-fi drag, and that’s pretty much what this is.

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The Other, 1972 ed., Thomas Tryon
I had someone get mad at me, once, for “spoiling” the ending of this.
It’s been forty years…

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