Joss Whedon’s Star Trek

“Oh, Uhura, thanks to your lingerie kung-fu, we’ve managed to defeat the villains!”
“Yes, and you are so beautiful that Nero has decided to become a good guy in hopes of wooing you.”
“Boo-hoo, it’s so hard being a perky ingenue, no-one understands me!”

Tom Clancy’s Star Trek

“Captain the Muslims Klingons are aiming their suspiciously phallic weapons at our ship.”
“Dammit, Spock, if only the Democrats Federation hadn’t forced us to stop monitoring their sub-space communications! We’d have been prepared for this!”

Dan Brown’s Star Trek

“Mr. Spock, I’ve been staring at this holo-image of the Mona Lisa, and I believe it contains valuable clues as to the true parentage of an obscure historical figure. We must abandon our current mission and investigate this matter thorougly!”

J.K. Rowling’s Star Trek

“Captain Kirk, Starfleet Command finds your actions irresponsible, dangerous, and in violation of the Prime Directive. But since you’re so special, here’s a present.”

P.G. Wodehouse’s Star Trek

“This business with Spock and the Ponn Farr, you know. Bally rummy. I was trotting down the deck with Leonard “Bones” McCoy, and everything seemed to be all boomps-a-daisy. As I may have mentioned once or twice before in these memoirs of mine, whenever Spock was around, young Nurse Christine “Biffy” Chapel had a bit of a birds-tweeting around her head expression, but for Spock there was not even a touch of the old hey-nonny-nonny and a hot-cha-cha.”

Geoff Johns’ Star Trek

“Captain Pike, you’re back!”

Roy Thomas’ Star Trek

“Captain Pike, you’re back!”
“And it turns out I’m your long-lost cousin, Jim!”

Fanfic Writer’s Star Trek

Old Spock gazed at Young Spock through rheumy, heavy-lidded eyes. One eyebrow suddenly cocked upward.

“Forgive me, Young Spock,” said Old Spock, “for I know this is a thought most…illogical, but my pursuit of knowledge demands that I must know what it is like…to kiss myself.”

The Price of the Phoenix, 1977, Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath
I have never actually read a Star Trek novel in my entire life. Truth.

My good friend John Gorenfeld has agreed to co-write, with Patrick Runkle, a series of posts about Star Trek for the site. Enjoy!–Dorian

Part I in a Series

So there sits semi-retired sad sack James T. Kirk on his 52nd birthday, at the beginning of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, the best-loved of the Star Trek movies.

Shatner had not long before been been seen on TV as an alcoholic ex-priest getting sucked out of an airliner by a ghoul. Now he delivers a convincing scene–perhaps drawing on personal emotions–that evokes everything Kirk has given up in his life to become a Starfleet admiral. Reliably on hand to tell Kirk to get back into the game is Dr. McCoy, his straight-talking friend. “This isn’t about age, and you know it,” Bones says. No, it’s that Kirk has let himself get trapped in Starfleet academia–and, although the doctor doesn’t need to say it, regret–”when you want to be out there, hopping galaxies.”

But after a five-year mission to all those planets, there must have been all sorts of regrets going through his mind. Why didn’t writers Nicholas Meyer and Jack Sowards have Kirk turn to the dusky skyline of the 23rd century Fillmore District and say: “Bones…Remember that time we met Abraham Lincoln in space?”

You would think it was a meaningful enough life event. Imagine: First you see the guy who debated Stephen Douglas floating in fucking outer space. Then you invite him on board and he makes an insensitive remark about the ship’s black communications officer, but you’re so impressed with him anyway that you record in your Captain’s Log that “his kindness, his gentle wisdom, his humor…everything about him is so right.” Then you watch him die from a spear through the chest on the planet Excalbia, where a rock monster made you fight history’s greatest villains.

That’s what happened in the 1969 episode “The Savage Curtain,” during the third season of cheap sets and worse scripts. It used to be that a story like that was laughed off, but according to a prevailing school of thought that has developed in the Star Trek world over the last 15 years, “The Savage Curtain” is part of a “canon,” a tapestry of consistent events officially sanctioned by the late series creator Gene Roddenberry, either by his own blessing or through his chosen successors.

This series of pieces will examine the history and development of Trek canon, and argue for the position that canon–a concept which has never before received this much media attention–has been an unnecessary, deleterious, and un-Trek addition to the Trek world. And as many of the ridiculous fan flame wars about J.J. Abrams’s $150 million Trek prequel illustrate, canon’s place in the hearts and minds of fans needs to be seriously re-examined.

Melanie Bush…the only companion to leave the Doctor because she preferred a bit of rough trade.

James Robinson’s Justice League series finally gets solicited. This is the series that features both a lesbian and a bisexual man in the cast. Expect the usual pearl-clutching from comic book fans.

Have I mentioned that Brian Bolland tends to draw pretty sexy guys?

Brian Bolland tends to draw pretty sexy guys.

Wonder if we’ll see any “Crotch Panic” complaints over this Anita Blake cover?

I’m of two minds regarding Marvel Divas. On the one hand, it’s by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, who is usually pretty reliable. On the other hand, well, this is the solicitation copy:

Diva (dee-vah), noun: An unusually glamorous and powerful woman. See: Patsy “Hellcat” Walker; Felicia “Black Cat” Hardy; Angelica “Firestar” Jones; and Monica “Photon” Rambeau. What happens when you take four of the Marvel Universe’s most fabulous single girls and throw them together, adding liberal amounts of suds and drama? You get the sassiest, sexiest, soapiest series to come out of the House of Ideas since Millie the Model! Romance, action, ex-boyfriends, and a last page that changes everything! Let your inner divas out with this one, fellas, you won’t regret it!

To be honest, it really sounds like they’re trying to pander to the gays there. But this is the cover:

And that just looks like the usual pander to the man-children there. This wouldn’t be the first time, of course, that Marvel has badly mismarketed a book. And if they are trying to pander to the gays, well, that would mark a vast improvement over past policy.

Not gay related, unless you suspect that something is up with Churchy LaFemme, but I’m excited about The Life And Times Of Walt Kelly. The Pogo drought has been too long.

What the HELL is wrong with straight men?

Trading cards featuring little scraps of lingerie and high heels. Because the makers tell you that real live women once wore them.
Read the rest of this entry »

How did Abrams make Star Trek cool again? By jettisoning all the baggage that the kinds of people who read Geek magazine wanted in the movie.

See also:

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As ‘Fun, Watchable’

As it is with every new season, the rumor the return of The Rani to Doctor Who has reared its head. Now, I’m probably opening myself up to a complete loss of credibility here, but…I actually kind of like the Rani. In theory. Her premiere in The Mark of the Rani had potential that was crushed under the weight of all the other problems of the Colin Baker era of Who, and perhaps the less said about Time and the Rani the better. But that core idea, of a Time Lord renegade who isn’t properly a villain, just completely amoral in her dedication to pure science and who views non-Gallifreyean life-forms as little more than lab animals, is solid and a welcome change of pace from the lunatic antics of The Master. Heck, in Mark I think she spends more time berating the Master than she does the Doctor. And then Kate O’Mara played her as Joan Collins in a space suit.

Ah well.

But just because the Rani hasn’t been done well before, that doesn’t mean that she can’t be done well in the future! And so, let’s take a quick look at some of the leading contenders for the role, and why it may or may not be a good idea to cast them.

Pro: Sci-fi nerds who still keep laminated pictures of her in their sock drawers would tune in, thus boosting the show’s profile in the United States.
Con: Casual viewers would insist on the alleged “sexual tension” between her and the Doctor being resolved. If you thought Rose/Ten shippers were insufferable when they finally got their way, watch out!

Pro: Fans of Battlestar Galactica 2.0, without a long-form sci-drama to keep them occupied, would be attracted to the show by their familiarity with the actress. This is also known as the “what it would take to get Kevin Church to watch Doctor Who” approach.
Con: Traditionalist Who fans would, predictably, freak the fuck out over a non-Caucasian being cast in a major role on the show. (Actually, that may be a Pro…)

Pro: Has already displayed an ability to do good work on tightly budgeted fantasy/sci-fi serial dramas.
Con: If you thought complaints about the “Gay Agenda” were obnoxious, get ready for the “Lesbian Agenda” complaints to roll in!

Pro: Who fans who seem unable to process the idea of a companion who isn’t a vaguely bitchy blonde seem to have come to the show via Buffy fandom. Why not bring all the Buffy fans over!
Con: Would bring all the Buffy fans over to Who fandom.

Pro: Has massive appeal amongst both geeks and women, and would raise the profile of the show to incredible heights in several key demographics, and can handle the lighter, more humorous aspects of Who.
Con: Her geek fans are actually really kinda creepy, and it’s not as if Who fandom doesn’t already have plenty of aging man-children who behave inappropriately around women.

Pro: Accomplished actress who has worked in a variety of mediums.
Con: Not a one.