Over the weekend on Twitter, I made a passing mention of the fact that, as well known and warranted as my antipathy towards that whiny little creep Spider-Man is, there actually is a character that I hate more than him. And let’s be clear here: I really hate Spider-Man. If Marvel published a Spider-Man comic written by Grant Morrison and drawn by a miraculously revived Jim Aparo I still wouldn’t buy it.
And there’s a character I hate even more than that.

And then I had the idea that it might be amusing, to me anyway, to make it into an actual contest, with a copy of Boody, the collection of amazingly bizarre and eccentric Boody Rogers comics awarded to the person who correctly guessed who I hated.

But since a guessing game of who I could hate isn’t very fun, or interesting, I decided to up the stakes a bit. Not only do you have to guess who, you have to guess why, or at least why you think I should or would.

Leave your best guesses and explanations in the comments to this post. At approximately 11:59 PM, Wednesday June 3rd, I’ll close the contest and notify the winner, who will be either the first person to guess correctly or the person who comes up with the best explanation of who I should hate.
Anyone suggesting “Wildcat” will get banned from the comments section.

17 Responses to “Making A Game Of It”
  1. stavner says:

    Spawn, because he’s a ripoff of Faust?

  2. Harvey Jerkwater says:

    Since you hate Spider-Man for being a whiner, how about the greatest whiner of the Bronze Age: The Silver Surfer?

    Man, was he annoying. “Oh, that these foul humans revel in their brutality whilst the stars could be within their grasp! Oh, this beautiful orb, my prison, whose vast wonders are trodden beneath the unthinking boots of men bent upon its conquest! Etc., etc.” Stan Lee-era Surfer may be the most annoying character to ever grace bristol board. Long-winded, preachy, self-pitying, superior, and utterly oblivious to all of the above. Stan the Man thought he was expressing Deep Thought and Art and other Capitalized Words when he wrote the Surfer. Alas, no.

    Pity his scripts were so insufferable, because the Buscema art in his original series was so damn gorgeous…

  3. Bully says:

    Wildcat, right?

  4. Cap'n Carrot says:

    Who: Ma Hunkel
    Why: um, you mean besides the upturned pot on her head?

  5. Sallyp says:

    Snapper Carr. Because he’s just so damned ANNOYING!

  6. Donna Troy, because she’s the worst kind of vacuous tabula rasa, ripe for audience projection, but devoid of any real, idiosyncratic character traits.

    Ooh! Or Kitty Pryde, for all the above, plus she’s great at maths!

    //\Oo/\\

  7. Dean says:

    Wildcat II, for being a pointless legacy character?

  8. Penance, why? cause Speedball was awesome. Also I’m not very sure its sanitary to have spikes poking into you all the time…teh lame!

  9. Got to be the only whinier character than Spidey – Beast Boy!

  10. Evan Waters says:

    Gambit. It’s the safe choice, probably too obvious, but what the Hell.

  11. Rocco says:

    Sonic the Hedgehog. The very character that has breathed life into the failing Archie Comics, that at times may have failed as a company if not for the characters sales. The same Archie Comics that wont acknowledge Dan DeCarlo ever existing. …Not to mention Sonic seems to attract a lot of furry fetishists. Oh, and the terrible writing, yes the terrible writing.

  12. Kelberon says:

    Rick Jones.

    Because as much as Spiderman whines about his life, he does have some real issues. Is he dealing with them well? Maybe not, but there are some. Rick Jones, though? Rick Jones walked into it all, so his whining is completely unjustifiable.

    That test site he snuck into that ended up making the Hulk? He went in on a dare to play the fucking harmonica. If Bruce Banner hadn’t been turned into the Hulk, he would have been INCINERATED. Good job, Jones!

    Then he sticks around with the Avengers when the Hulk leaves, because it’s easier than trying to find someone who can jump a mile, and attaches himself to Captain America like a lost puppy. “Hey, Cap, check me out in this trauma-causing outfit! Do I resemble your dead sidekick any?”

    Then he puts on some alien jewelry and starts bitching about the fact that Captain Marvel wants to spend time saving lives, instead of letting Rick try to pick up women and play terrible, terrible folk music. Yes, your guitar licks that you stole from Bob Dylan are surely the higher priority, Jones.

    But more important than that is the essence of Rick Jones. He is the hanger-on. The guy who is nothing alone, and thus tries to latch onto anything he can. That and dumb luck are the only reasons he’s still alive. He is not somehow a cool guy with one writer, and an annoying one with another. He is, fundamentally, the person you barely tolerate in your group, and you’re not even sure why you do that much. It doesn’t matter how old he gets, how skilled he gets, or how much he tries to act like he’s his own person. A super hero rolls by, and he’s trying to attach himself to them like a leech.

    Rick Jones should die.

  13. Josh says:

    Isidore Kossmeyer, because he’s so full of himself. Oh wait, you mean in comics, right? Sorry: got Jim Thompson on the brain. Namor MacKenzie, because he’s so full of himself.

  14. Ray says:

    Sir, you hate Deadpool more than you had Spiderman. The evidence bears out this conclusion. A quick search through your site yields remarkably little on the character and none of it positive. Your few comments on Deadpool are not satire, snarky, critical, or insiteful. Your comments on Deadpool aren’t even interesting. The subtext is your disbelief in his popularity.

    Why would you hate Deadpool? He is a Spiderman rip-off. Deadpool is Spiderman with ninja swords and pistols instead of webshooters. And you think you are the only one who can see that or the character wouldn’t be so popular.

  15. Cap'n Carrot says:

    Hmm, no response to my first guess.

    So here’s guess #2

    Who: Speedball
    Why: You sole power is being able to bounce off things? Die motherfucker!!!!

  16. Mike Loughlin says:

    Green Arrow, because he’s a lame Batman wannabe with a stupid Peter Pan costume and a beard straight out of 1850. He fights people with guns with a weapon that fires *slower* than guns. He thinks he’s a liberal crusader when he’s really a condescending jerk (see: any time he talks to Black Canary, espeacially when he calls her “pretty bird”). Worst of all, he walks around like he’s the world’s greatest super-hero. He can’t see just how hard he sucks!

  17. Dorian says:

    Okay, folks, no one guessed correctly. I’ll put up a post announcing the winner with the best guess tomorrow.

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