Uhura swept into the room and suddenly nothing else mattered. The sight of her hit me the way it always did. And always will. She had a Saurian Brandy in her hand, and several more inside her, judging by the slight slur to her speech.

“You knew Shpock would come for you,” she said.

“Yes.”

“Because he said he would?”

“No. He’d never say such a thing.”

“Then how?”

“Because I would have.”

“So, should we finish this Brandy in your cabin?” she said.

“We’d be fools not to.”

Though – and I’m admittedly speaking as someone who’s only seen a couple of the movies and a handful of the shows – I do have to agree with Brian Smith that the Rowling bit seems to be essentially an accurate depiction of the original series.

“The laws of physics can’t be changed”
I shouted in the din
And yet I found a special trick
To power the ship again

The engines hummed, the starship lurched
And off we flew away
To face our Klingon enemies
Another, better day.

(For more of Dickinson’s “Star Trek” works, we recommend “I’ve Killed My Captain and My Friend,” “I’m Not a Man Who Lays Down Bricks” and “The Wessels, They Are Nuclear.”)

Oh, do I even have to say who wrote this?

McCoy: “The transportation of matter is a corruption of the flesh.”

Scott: “It’s a purification, you Luddite.”

Kirk: “Look, we’ve been over this. Ensign Rivers looked like this *before* we beamed up his corpse.”

Spock: “From a phenomenological perspective one could argue that it was no longer Ensign Rivers.”

Kirk: “Don’t you start.”

Nurse Chapel: “I shouldn’t be turned on by this, should I?”