• 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.
  • 300: Gays kill blacks.
  • 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
  • A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
  • A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.
  • A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.
  • ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
  • ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • AMADEUS: Man with health problems receives help from rival.
  • AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
  • ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.
  • AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.
  • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
  • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
  • BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.
  • BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
  • BILLY ELLIOT: Union worker turns back on strikers for personal gain.
  • BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
  • BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
  • BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
  • BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.
  • BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s descent into mental instability, finds love.
  • BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
  • BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
  • BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
  • CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.
  • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
  • CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
  • CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.
  • CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.
  • CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
  • CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”
  • CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.
  • CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.
  • CORALINE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own.
  • CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
  • CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.
  • DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
  • DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
  • DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.
  • DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.
  • DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
  • DELIVERANCE: Tourists experience local hospitality.
  • DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
  • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
  • DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.
  • DOCTOR FAUSTUS: Scholar leans nuances of contract law.
  • DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
  • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
  • DRACULA: Immigrant clashes with locals.
  • E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
  • EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE:  Part-time mechanic involves girlfriend in illegal fight club, risks life of best friend and endangered primate.
  • FALLING DOWN: Life is difficult for white men.
  • FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
  • FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
  • FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds ball park, almost kills girl.
  • FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
  • FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
  • FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.
  • FREAKS: Acrobat learns value of community.
  • SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.
  • GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
  • GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
  • GLENGARRY, GLENN ROSS: Sales job proves difficult for some.
  • GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.
  • GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
  • GREEN ARROW: Rich white man with Robin Hood fetish goes vigilante.
  • GREEN LANTERN: Policeman beats up his girlfriend.
  • GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.
  • GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
  • HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.
  • HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.
  • HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
  • HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
  • HE GOT GAME: Escaped convict attempts to embezzle only son.
  • HIGHLANDER: Elderly immigrant destroys property.
  • IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
  • WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.
  • IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.
  • JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.
  • JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.
  • JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
  • JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
  • KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.
  • KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
  • KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.
  • KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
  • KING OF KONG: Dick battles loser over trivia.
  • LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme.
  • LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.
  • LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: Retarded man doesn’t know what sex toy is for.
  • LASSIE COME HOME: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.
  • LONE WOLF MCQUADE: Alcoholic assaults local businessman, ruins marriage.
  • LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
  • LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
  • MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
  • METROPOLIS: Efficient society undone by unions.
  • MICHAEL CLAYTON: Attorney works against client’s interests.
  • MILK: Uppity queer dies.
  • MIRRORMASK: Misfit discovers she is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.
  • MULHOLLAND DRIVE: Lesbian relationship is harmful.
  • MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.
  • NEVERWHERE: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.
  • OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.
  • OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
  • OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend.
  • ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: Disruptive mental patients treated.
  • PILLOW TALK: Gay man tricks woman into sex.
  • POLTERGEIST: Pot-head parents lose child, ruin property values.
  • PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
  • PRETTY BABY: Young woman’s modeling career encouraged.
  • PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
  • PYGMALION: Urchin cured by social betters.
  • RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
  • RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.
  • RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
  • RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.
  • RAVENOUS: Coward is seduced by cannibal, destroys army outpost.
  • RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
  • RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.
  • ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.
  • ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.
  • ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
  • ROCKY: White man beats black man.
  • ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.
  • RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.
  • SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
  • SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.
  • SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl.
  • SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
  • SHORT CIRCUIT: Rogue scientist steals top-secret government weapon.
  • SIGNS: Jesus trumps science.
  • SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
  • SLEEPY HOLLOW: Veteran harassed.
  • SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
  • SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
  • SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one.
  • SOUTHLAND TALES: Traumitized vet destroys universe.
  • SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
  • STARDUST: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
  • STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
  • STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
  • STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
  • STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
  • STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
  • STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
  • STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
  • STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
  • STRAW DOGS: Immigrant clashes with locals.
  • SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
  • SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.
  • SWEENEY TODD: Businesses flourish when freed from stringent regulation.
  • TAXI DRIVER: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.
  • TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.
  • THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE: College professors help illegal alien evade authorities.
  • THE CONVERSATION: Paranoid schizophrenic follows worst possible career path.
  • THE CRYING GAME: Hairdresser bonds with client.
  • THE EDGE: Men bond in Alaskan wilderness.
  • THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.
  • THE FIRM: White lawyer learns hard work is irrelevant.
  • THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Critique of Catholicism upstaged by polar bear fight.
  • THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
  • THE GOONIES:  Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
  • THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
  • THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.
  • THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.
  • THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
  • THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.
  • THE STEPFORD WIVES: Woman has difficulty adjusting to suburban life.
  • THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3: Civil servant insults and shoots foreigners.
  • THE THING: Unexpected visitor imposes on workers, their dogs.
  • THE UNTOUCHABLES: Murderer indicted on technicality.
  • THE WICKER MAN: Isolated religious community revitalized by newcomer.
  • THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.
  • THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
  • TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
  • TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
  • TORCHWOOD: Bisexual is inefficient manager.
  • TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.
  • TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.
  • TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
  • BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.
  • TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME: Father becomes more involved in teenage daughter’s life.
  • V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
  • VERTIGO: Stalker drives woman to suicide.
  • W.: Unspeakable disaster afflicts America. Then terrorists attack.
  • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
  • WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating.
  • WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
  • WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.
  • WONDER WOMAN: Princess from isolationist culture lectures Americans on equality.
  • WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.

“Help” with this post was provided by: Mike, Chris, Josh, Bully, Andy, Andrew, Kevin, Ben, Ken, Proper Dave, Other Dave, Lisa, Melissa, Cathy and Brandon. So I’m not entirely to blame.

361 Responses to “Uncomfortable Plot Summaries”
  1. Martin says:

    Was this inspired by the classic Wizard of Oz summary “Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again”?

  2. This was so long, but I read it all and I’m still giggling!

  3. Sallyp says:

    Utterly hilarious. I particularly started to snigger uncontrollably when I hit Aliens…”An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications” and almost fell off of my chair at Titanic.

  4. Thom says:

    Wait, I thought that heterosexuality was the passing fancy in Chasing Amy…

  5. Teresa says:

    I liked the succinctness of your “300” description, but I think you missed an opportunity to mention the catalyst. Something like, “A disabled gay man betrays his tribe, leading to carnage.”

  6. John G says:

    Brilliant and correct

  7. TeamSmithy says:

    I always forget that that Leon is called The Professional in America, but the description was more than enough for me to work it out.

    These are glorious. Good work everybody.

  8. tom says:

    After watching the new red dwarf episodes I was thinking about watching Blade Runner again. I cannot decide if now thinking of it as the sci-fi pink panther has made me want to watch it less or more.

  9. Steve-O says:

    Excellent. This ought to be the new Introduction To Film 101 curriculum!

  10. rich says:

    Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace – Corrupt government officials stand by and watch attempted genocide

  11. Jeff R. says:

    (That should be Rocky II and Rocky III. The first one was the other way ’round.)

  12. some other chris says:

    I’m a horrible nerd for pointing this out…

    ROCKY should be “black man beats white man”.
    ROCKY II was “White man beats black man”

  13. Dorian says:

    I’m a horrible nerd for pointing this out…

    Pretty much, yeah.

  14. William J Fakenamington the third says:

    Technically, a couple of those are innacurate.

    For example, in the first Rocky (IE the one called just plain old Rocky) Rocky loses.

    Thus fulfilling my anal retenive git requirements for the day, I take my leave.

  15. Simon K says:

    Minor point but your Rocky plot summary: White man beats black man. Doesnt Rocky LOSE in Rocky? So it should be: Black man beats white man. Or possibly Black man beats up white man with facial paralysis.

  16. Dorian says:

    Technically, a couple of those are innacurate.

    NO! Really! I had no idea that some of these summaries might slightly misrepresent the spirit of the plot!

  17. Dorian says:

    Folks, if you have a problem with the ROCKY joke, take it up with Ken. Seriously. Harping on it here is just creating more proof for the arguments at Stuff Geeks Love.

  18. Burke says:

    Rocky: White man rapes young spinster, black man beats up, white man; white man still hero.

    Rocky II: Story ended wrong, must fix… white man beats black man, marries woman he raped.

    Rocky III: Black man now slave to white man, white man beats up even bigger black man.

    Rocky IV: Black man killed by bigger white man to motivate first white man to finally beat up a white man. Also, sweaty men running, hugging.

    Rocky V: Can’t decide whether or not to beat up white man or older black man; eventually picks white man.

    Rocky Balboa: Raped wife dies, old white man beats up much younger black man without consequences; is happy.

  19. Ken Lowery says:

    The original joke was, “White man puts uppity black man in his place.” Dorian tightened it up to make it punchier, because he is a gifted comedy guy.

    So I guess be quiet?

  20. David Thiel says:

    Have to go with the other “Rocky” nitpickers: the first one is “Black man beats white man;” the second two are “White man beats black man;” the fourth is “White man beats Russian;” and after that I ceased to care.

    That said, nothing so far this week has made me laugh as hard as “Midget destroys stolen property.”

    I also loved my good friend Dave L.’s contribution of “Ferris Bueller,” which is actually a pretty fair description of the film.

    How about:

    REVENGE OF THE SITH: Teenager murders coworkers, schoolchildren, wife; begins path of redemption.
    NANCY DREW: Teenage debutante and sexually-ambiguous friends do Daddy’s work for him.
    THE INCREDIBLES: Privaleged family flaunts superiority, kills genius.
    CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG: Crackpot widower fantasizes that his father and children are abducted, leaving him free to engage in cosplay with daughter of candy magnate.
    WHEN HARRY MET SALLY: (version 1) Hot woman makes poor choices. (version 2) Men and women inevitably fuck.
    STAR TREK V: Explorers seek God, shoot Him.

  21. Nickgb says:

    In order to try to make the rocky commentary a little funnier, can’t it be:
    ROCKY III: White man finally realizes black man more than punching bag, beats up russian instead?

  22. Nickgb says:

    SLEEPERS: Old friends reunite and get past old issues.
    THE SIXTH SENSE: Dead psychiatrist haunts child to come to terms with own mortality.
    TWO GIRLS ONE CUP: Couple makes do with limited resources.

  23. Mikester says:

    People complaining about the “inaccuracy” of the ROCKY entry perhaps need to think about it a little more. Consider: 1. Who is the hero of the film? 2. Thematically, who is presented as the true champion (i.e who overcame the greatest obstacles, as presented in the film, to get where he is), with whom audience sympathies lie, at the end of the movie?

  24. Joe Trip says:

    Belle du Jour: married middle-class woman becomes a prostitute for no apparent reason, and inexplicably turns husband into a paraplegic.

  25. Deisenb says:

    The Dark Knight: freshman philosophy course + halloween costumes + sadism + attention deficit disorder

  26. Ken’s original is better.
    It’s not THAT much longer, it deflects the accuracy quibbles preemptively (and really, better reflecting a problem that might be had with the movie makes it more effective) and the inclusion of the word “uppity” makes what you’re accusing the movie of more offensive, thus, funnier.

  27. dowhat? says:

    Rocky (1-500) Neanderthals ,of varying racial backgrounds, beat each other to a bloody pulp. No one Cares in the end.

  28. Deisenb says:

    Aliens: The more aliens there are, the easier they are to kill.

  29. Nickgb says:

    ROCKY: Bodybuilder writes movies, wins award. 33 years later, nerd-war ensues.

  30. Bill D. says:

    In regards to Change of Habit, isn’t that the plot of EVERY Elvis movie?

  31. Jeff R. says:

    (Wow, I had no idea I was going to be the vanguard of a slew of Rocky comments.)

    I prefer the original, by the way. Or possibly “White man performs job worse thank Black co-worker and receives greater recognition.”

  32. Pope Impious XXIII says:

    Missing one..

    Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan: Government stooge kills senior citizen after forcing him to move and then demolishing his new home.

  33. David A. says:

    THE DARK KNIGHT: Rich man, clown, and lawyer attack Italians, Russians, and Chinese.

  34. David Thiel says:

    For my part, I’m sorry to have contributed to the “Rocky” thing. By the time I finished composing my own comment, several more had been added. Agreed that it’s monumentally unimportant nitpicking, though I will admit that the first time I read that entry I had the exact same reaction that others did.

    The important thing is that Dorian and friends came up with a hilarious list that makes me wish I’d thought of it first. (Of course, I don’t allow comments on my own blog, so it’s easy for me to say.) I also love the “Doctor Who” entry.

    One more:

    V: American gun enthusiasts shoot helpful immigrants.

  35. Charlie says:


    If I may suggest one:

    The Sandlot: Neighborhood Gang Terrorizes Blind Man’s Dog.

  36. Rajiv says:

    My additions / alternatives:
    * THE SIXTH SENSE: Ghost very mildly haunts a young boy; stops.
    * ALMOST FAMOUS: Inconspicuous student procrastinates essay by listening to music before pulling an all-nighter to finish it at the deadline.
    * CAN’T HARDLY WAIT: High school stalker mistakenly reveals himself to his superficial victim and starts dating her.
    * REQUIEM FOR A DREAM: Drugs improve your life if you don’t overdo it.
    * ROCKY: Lifelong loser loses on a bigger stage than usual.
    * DAZED AND CONFUSED: Athletic and good looking youth rewarded with social status, sex, and illegal drugs regardless of their educational achievements.
    * AMERICAN HISTORY X: Neo-nazi gets his brother killed by renouncing his racist ways.

  37. KChasm says:

    THE SIXTH : Man refuses to vacate home of woman he is no longer married to, encourages young boy to talk to strangers.

  38. KChasm says:

    That’s “THE SIXTH SENSE”, rather.

  39. A very astute observation that both Terminator and Aliens are essentially born of the similar unplanned pregnancies.

  40. Nat Pike says:

    RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER: Deformed boy humiliated and exiled until dictator finds him exploitable.

  41. The Thin Man: Drunks, cute dog solve murder.
    Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: American adventurer abducts woman, child, murders priest and traffics in stolen property. (a bit long, I know.)
    Day of the Triffids: Survivalists fight plants.

    That’s all I’ve got so far. By the way, your Doctor Who summary still has me laughing.

  42. Mikester says:

    MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.

  43. Max says:

    USUAL SUSPECTS: Murderer denies guilt, is released.

  44. Kristina says:

    Brilliant! Got a great laugh out of all of these, but my favorite is Goonies.

  45. Derek says:

    “GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.”

    I would still watch this movie.

  46. Alan says:

    AMERICAN BEAUTY: man never ends up on To Catch a Predator by being shot in the head by patriot.

    LETHAL WEAPON 1: Mel Gibson sucks on a beretta. Not homevideo.


    BIG LEBOWSKI: Aggression was not standed.

    ROCKY: now, listen, I just have to correct one thing…

  47. Eddy says:

    THE SIXTH SENSE: Oh, I’m Dead.

  48. Brian says:

    Great List, really enjoyed it. The only addition I can think of is:

    Revenge of the Nerds: Rape is okay as long as your intentions are good.

  49. Rob H. says:

    Beautiful. Almost choked on my Doritos at Sophie’s Choice.

  50. SKFK says:

    Sleepless In Seattle: Psychotic female stalker lures her victim by holding his young son hostage on top of the Empire State Building.

  51. GrueMaster says:

    Into the Wild: Young man gives up higher education to die alone in Alaska.
    Pursuit of Happiness: Black man with kid living in shelter becomes major stock broker.
    (possible sequel) newly rich black stock broker forms company that helps kill economy worldwide.

    Vacation: Family travels across country in station wagon with dead aunt tied to roof.
    Eurotrip: American Nerd travels across Europe to bang German chick in Vatican confessional.
    American Pie: Apple pie goes bad.

  52. schmendrick says:

    Gigolo corrupts a rich young society girl, while facilitating abortions on lower-class women.

  53. Harvey Jerkwater says:

    THE LION KING: Boy abandons duty to play with loser friends for years. Regains family business by killing uncle.

    MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING: Man surrenders all autonomy to bride’s overbearing family.

    AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER: Canadian comic beats three weak jokes to death for one hour, then molests corpses for another.

  54. Harvey Jerkwater says:

    Whoop — that came out creepier than intended…

    AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER: Canadian comic beats three weak jokes to death, then molests corpses of the jokes until credits roll.

  55. Rajiv says:

    SERENDIPITY: Fate destroys two happy relationships to create one.
    BOILER ROOM: Guilt-ridden telemarketer conspires with incompetent regulators to bring down a successful business.
    OFFICE SPACE: Lazy office worker gets away with massive embezzlement with help from an arsonist.
    WEST SIDE STORY: Melodious white guy killed for Latin fetish by his girlfriend’s fiance; others die too.

  56. Not Dead says:

    Fantastic list! Very freaking funny. Surprised that you didn’t have Forrest Gump on this list:

    Forrest Gump: Mentally handicapped man learns that doing everything everyone tells you to do will get you everywhere in life.

  57. Rand Brittain says:

    Scott Pilgrim specifically didn’t sleep with the high school girl. They specifically only ever held hands, and she kissed him once.

  58. Duros62 says:

    Willow: Dwarf kidnaps, endangers infant

    time Bandits: Dwarves kidnap, endanger small boy.

  59. Mikester says:

    ALIEN RESURRECTION: Planned pregnancy leads to complications.

  60. Andrew Weiss says:

    Rand: I’ve know folks in real life who’ve been tried and convicted for less than that.

  61. Vekseid says:

    LORD OF THE RINGS: Petty thieves would rather destroy stolen jewelry than return it to its rightful owner.

  62. Peter says:

    13 Going On 30: 13 year old girl gets trapped in 30 year olds body and is goaded by adult friend to have sex with man 20 years older

  63. PRETTY WOMAN: Love conquers all.

    SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE: Love conquers all.


  64. David says:

    Minority Report: Renegade ex-cop gets away with manslaughter.

  65. WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.

  66. bvac says:

    BACK TO THE FUTURE: Teen assumes false identity, saves family by not having sex with his mother.

  67. ALIEN: Engineering crew doesn’t get bonuses.

  68. Chris says:

    Little Miss Sunshine: Family facilitates preteen daughter’s whorish tendencies.

    Phantom of the Opera: Deformed genius terrorizes rich people, finds love, and disappears.

  69. SHREK: In opposition to traditional fairy tales, an ugly person is not allowed to marry a pretty person.

  70. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: A woman learns to look past an ugly exterior and is rewarded with a pretty exterior.

  71. unless says:

    ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Brain damage brings lovers together.

  72. Peter says:

    Wow the Serenity actually made me uncomfortable with it’s unfortunate implications

  73. useless says:

    CITIZEN KANE: Male reporter takes days to find woman’s clitoris.

  74. Jacob says:


    Though there’s no evidence Scott ever slept with Knives.

  75. David Lev says:

    Babylon 5: Space Jesus leads military coup/alien invasion against own government

    The Boat That Rocked: Criminals attempt to evade the law, almost die

    Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End: Everyone betrays everybody. Everything works out in the end.

    Cowboy Bebop: a mentally ill elderly woman, a mentally ill young child, an escaped lab animal, a former criminal and an incompetant former cop kidnap people for money

    Bromeliad trilogy: aliens commit larceny, trespassing, and endangerment and express racist attitudes

  76. Clemens says:

    Gladiator: Convicted army general escapes execution, kills emperor.

  77. Jimmy says:

    For those pointing out that Rocky didn’t win in the first Rocky, this maybe be true in theory, but Rocky still one the fight in principle so the comment still stands accurate!! GET BACK TO WORK!!!!

  78. Simon Underwood says:

    LOST IN TRANSLATION: Unfocused holiday trip leaves two people in yearning depression.

    GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK: Newsmen undo crusading senator, all later contract lung cancer.

    TRU CALLING: New employee deprives morgue of much needed work.

    PSYCHO: Only motel in small town forced to close through pressure from big city dwellers.

    SPACECAMP: Argumentative kids cost space program billions.

  79. Simon Underwood says:

    BROADCAST NEWS: Many employees lose jobs in massive cull.

    THE BIG SLEEP: Chauffeur’s murder remains unsolved.

    EYES WIDE SHUT: Professional couple experiment with drugs, nearly end relationship.

  80. Simon Underwood says:

    BODY DOUBLE: Voyeur fails to prevent murder, takes up with porn star.

    SHAUN OF THE DEAD: Man stabilizes relationship at cost of many lives.

    SPECIES: Beautiful alien gifted to Earth to engage in free love, is killed by humans.

  81. Simon Underwood says:

    MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE TRILOGY: Government employee loyalty screenings habitually fail.

    BOURNE TRILOGY: Government employee loyalty screenings habitually fail.

  82. dgaicun says:

    GREMLINS: Small town Americans are endangered by unsafe Chinese merchandise.

    AMERICAN HISTORY X: Right-wing militant changes views after homosexual experience.

    BIRTH: A lonely woman lusts after a little boy with a secret identity.

    BIG: A lonely woman lusts after a little boy with a secret identity.

    THE PASSION OF CHRIST: Illegitimate child grows up on wrong side of the law.

    INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE: Slave owner becomes sympathetic figure after turning to cannibalism.

    BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: Two aging fathers occasionally escape the obligations of family life in the open country.

    GATTACA: A man overcomes his physical and mental limitations by lying about his job qualifications.

  83. dgaicun says:

    And here are my favorite non-me contributions from the MetaFilter tread:

    THE X-FILES: Competent, driven woman held back in her career advancement by male co-worker.

    GRIZZLY MAN: Werner Herzog listens to a man being eaten by a bear.

    THE SHINING: Wife and son keep author from finishing his novel.

    MY LEFT FOOT: Cripple impresses regular people.

    PSYCHO: Hotel clerk improperly penetrates female guest.

    CHARLOTTE’S WEB: Spin artist hypes unremarkable swine, abandons children.

    GOOD BYE LENIN: Wall topples, killing woman.

    E.T.: Illegal alien eludes federal authorities.

    REQUIEM FOR A DREAM: Drug addict with financial problems loses boyfriend but learns to make ends meet.

    HAMLET: The Queen’s new marriage is threatened by her mentally unstable son.

    THE BIRTH OF A NATION: A valiant knight triumphs over the forces of darkness.

    THE MATRIX: Computer geek quits his job to spend more time playing a superhero in an online game.

    BACK TO THE FUTURE: Eccentric old loner helps his friend’s father hook up with a teenaged girl.

    SUPERMAN: Vigilante violates laws of nature to protect his interspecies relationship.

    FIGHT CLUB: Schizophrenic shoots self after support groups fail to help him.

    MILK: Straight shooter prevails over backstabbing politician.


  84. cronholio says:

    BROKEN FLOWERS: ex-gigolo stalks former girlfriends with help from drug addicted hacker, gets physically abused, seeks contact to teen boy

  85. Chris T. says:

    These are all great, but whoever came up with the Jurassic Park one should be given some kind of major award.

  86. Joe S. Walker says:

    NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR: Authorities contain terrorist threat.

  87. DaveShears says:

    Ghostbusters: University professors make toasted marshmallows for entire city

    Spaceballs: Royalty teaches us to always use secure passwords

    Alice in wonderland: Drug addled child ignores stranger danger

    The Departed: Boston police fail to perform thorough background checks

    Terminator II: Over protective mother learns to trust governor of California before assisting with robot murder/suicide

  88. Pretty Woman: Hooker becomes trophy wife.

  89. Chris A. says:

    THE BREAKFAST CLUB: Middle-aged teacher works on Saturday babysitting five juvenile delinquents who fail to reform.

  90. Alex says:

    Trading Places: Two old men are cruelly tricked out of their life’s savings by a prostitute, a street hustler, and a businessman.

    The Lives Of Others: A corrupt wiretapper and an lefty couple commit purjory.

    Crash: Pretty much everyone is a racist but that’s just how it is.

    Videodrome: A man rails against public access TV

    Serpico: Cop is a tattle-tale, gets what he deserves.

    Downfall: Tragic epic of a great man brought low by circumstances beyond his control

    Funny Games: A family are taught to be more hospitable by two visiting young men. One interpretation is that they are guardian angels.

    Miss Marple / Murder She Wrote: Old hag interferes in criminal investigations.

    Die Hard: Reckless behaviour of off-duty cop risks lives of entire office building. Unfortunately he keeps his badge.

    Harold & Kumar II – Two drug addicts are investigated for terrorism resulting in nationwide manhunt and mayhem.

    Coming to America: Spoiled heir to African dictator travels to USA on a whim and decieves the kind working-class people he meets there.

    Apocalypse Now: An emotionally scarred military man is denied a fresh start

    Disturbia: Young pervert invades neighbour’s privacy and ruins his life.

  91. qualcomm says:

    Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan – A military genius, imprisoned without trial, fails to exact revenge on the man responsible for his wife’s death.

  92. qualcomm says:


    Glengarry Glen Ross: Timid investors pass up the real estate opportunity of a lifetime, prompting frustrated salesman to squabble, embezzle.

  93. Justin says:

    ALADDIN: Poor man finds happiness in pretending to be wealthy.

    BILL AND TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE: Older man helps teen boys cheat on history assignment.

    CAPTAIN AMERICA: Performance-enhancing substance helps man reach full potential.

    COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO: Man wins back fiancee through use of identity fraud.

    HELP!: White Britons disrupt non-Christian religious ceremony.

    JURASSIC PARK: Sex change ruins tourists’ vacation.

    MOULIN ROUGE: Drug-using poet becomes obsessed with prostitute.

    PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: Pirates motivated by sense of freedom and adventure; rape, pillage, and murder secondary motivations.

    ROYAL TENENBAUMS: Father’s deception and son’s suicide attempt bring family closer together.

    STRIPES: Poorly-trained, out of shape soldiers vital to nation’s defense.

    SCHOOL OF ROCK: Child exploitation builds confidence in elementary school students.

    SUPERMAN II: Immigrant in-fighting threatens inner city.

    SUPERMAN IV: Nuclear disarmament causes more problems than it solves.

    THE FLY: Scientist’s humanity destroyed after using alternative method of transportation.

    WONDERFALLS: Failure to treat hallucenations benefits society.

  94. Pinter Neesbak says:

    Forrest Gump: Man with learning disability fails to appreciate the significance of current events.

  95. Burkhard Vandalus says:

    BATTLESTAR GALACTICA toaster malfunction leads to global holocaust, military dictatorship, megahorny jesus-dude.

  96. Burkhard Vandalus says:

    LABYRINTH ageing hairdo-popstar in weirdo tights uses kidnapping, bizarre middle ages setting to lure pre-mature into sado-relationship

    RAMBO 2 psychotic yahoo inflames half of southeast asia, causes massive mayhem to embrace adherents of dubious dental hygiene.

  97. Alex says:

    TWIN PEAKS: Town diner’s coffee and cherry pie found to be extremely good by all.

    MR BEAN: Austistic loner finds every day a struggle, to his sadness and frustration

    SOME MOTHERS DO ‘AVE EM: Autistic man finds every day a struggle, to his wife’s sadness and frustration.

    CHUCKLEVISION: Autistic brothers find every day a struggle, to their employers’ sadness and frustration.

    STAR TREK – TNG: French spaceship captain talks in English accent, nobody notices.

    TRAPDOOR: A troglodyte’s strange, nightmarish existence.

    EVERYTHING CHARLES BUKOWSKI EVER WROTE: Women mistreated by selfish foulmouthed old wino.

    DUNE (THE FILM): Ginger people persecuted to the point of death.

    THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR: Black butler learns what America’s ‘equality’ really entails

    LOST: Plane crash results in free mystery vacation but passengers are ungrateful.

    KNIGHTMARE: Costumed man blindfolds children who then go on “adventures”.

    FAWLTY TOWERS: Hotel staff beaten and mistreated by owner who is frustrated by his loveless marriage.

    GREEN EGGS AND HAM: Deranged stalker tries to force rotten food upon terrified, angry protagonist. Similar ending to NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR.

    THE CAT IN THE HAT: Teenage house-party gets drastically out of hand.

  98. Whateverman says:

    This was genius. Thanks!

  99. Burkhard Vandalus says:

    IRON EAGLE spoiled brat happily starts world war 3, negligent black man provides support.

  100. Burkhard Vandalus says:

    2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY murderous monkeys head out to jupiter to use epicly trippy lsd, causing irreversible brain damage

  101. Wow… I was feeling so depressed when I woke up today, but your blog post totally turned me around!!! Thanks, man! I especially love your summaries of 300, Watchmen, Star Wars, Star Trek (Empire), Kill Bill, and Batman. Hawesome!

  102. Alex says:

    HAPPY DAYS: Period drama in which a charismatic, freeloading greaser inveigles his way into home & lives of wholesome family, leading to feelings of inadequacy in son.

    WESTSIDE STORY: Street gangs battle it out in brutal urban racewar, saving police the trouble of killing them.

    THE WIRE: High level figures in police and government in Baltimore face lamentable insubordination and incompetence in lower ranks and law and order in city suffers accordingly.

    THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS: A family with an unconventional lifestyle is threatened by a home invasion

    THE BURBS: A family with an unconventional lifestyle is threatened by a home invasion

    MY COUSIN VINNIE: Shady Italian-American lawyer manages to get family member acquitted of murder

    SOUTH PARK: A young boy suffering from a gland-related weight condition suffers relentless bullying by his classmates.

  103. resonanteye says:

    I prefer my friend’s version of Requiem for a Dream:
    Young girl discovers career more important than boyfriend, older woman seeks professional help to lose weight.

  104. Mary Catherine says:

    Chicago: Guilty of the murders they were charged with, women complain about their time in prison.

  105. Doug M says:

    How about:
    IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE: Citizens must bail out incompetent banker.

  106. Drew says:

    GREASE: Innocent new girl in school becomes skank to win popular boyfriend.

    ROCKY HORROR: Alien probes mid-western teens.

    BREAKFAST CLUB: Rebellious teens smoke up, destroy school library, turn in snotty essay.

  107. Doug M says:

    IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE: Citizens must bail out foolhardy banker.

  108. Jeff R. says:

    (So, the nitpickers have moved from Rocky to Scott Pilgrim, without even first stopping at Juno? For shame.)

    Some of these are entirely too comfortable. Try
    Chicago: White woman gets away with murder; immigrant gets chair.

    Back to the Future: Son sets up Mother with her stalker.

    Forrest Gump: Liberal woman punished with AIDS

  109. EB says:

    OCEAN’S TWELVE: A slightly larger gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.

  110. 555jay says:

    ROCKY: Man beats meat until bloody.

  111. Follower says:

    PAN’S LABYRINTH: Misfit discovers she is special person in secret world just beside our own.

  112. Doug M says:

    TITANIC: Unlucky jewel kills all who come near it…eventually.

  113. Alex says:

    ‘MANOS’ – THE HANDS OF FATE: A courting couple are constantly harrassed by hick policemen on a country road.


    A bellboy becomes increasingly jealous of his employer’s success with women (the latter is a Mormon and practices polygamy). He is eventually fired due to gross misconduct.

  114. Tyrone Slothrop says:

    napoleon dynamite
    a non-integrative immigrant exploits a heartbreaking naive retard’s dancing skills to gain immense popularity

    a monster-or-whatever rampage results in the most expensive youtube video EVER

    king kong
    with striking symbolic force herein the phallic negro learns to know his place in a white man’s town

    A rich and lusty jew from Eastern Europe finds certain death in a German town

    by questioning religion and her mother’s authority, a young girl kills all her fellow students in a major freakout

    a middle-aged man with serious relationship disorders travels to a distant planet just to fantasize about getting on his knees before his father

    behind the green chamber
    the kidnapping and gang rape of an all-american girl results in endless obituaries some 30 years later

    people with amnesia engage in rape and kill and mayhem.

    aguirre, the wrath of god
    lunatic goes into the jungle to breed master race with own daughter while talking to monkeys.

    planes, trains and automobiles
    Getting on everybody’s nerves is a perfect sign for a heart of gold when you’re obese enough.

  115. Doug M says:

    KNOWING: Math genius finally figures out directions to drop off kid.

  116. Doug M says:

    CARRIE: School annihilated by one kind act.

  117. Doug M says:

    Cagney retrospective:

    ANGELS WITH DIRTY FACES: Violent sociopath, hero to half a dozen kids, becomes hero of millions.

    YANKEE DOODLE DANDY: Man gets a medal for mocking a crippled president.

    WHITE HEAT: Boy fulfills his mother’s dream.

  118. Tyrone Slothrop says:

    harold and maude
    After causing major public disturbances, a geriatric nympho kills herself to the demise of her teen lover.

  119. Doug M says:

    Bogart retrospective:

    THE MALTESE FALCON: Unseen antique collector makes monkeys out of half a dozen people.

    CASABLANCA: Woman dumps lover at train station, then he dumps her at an airport.

    THE AFRICAN QUEEN: Suicide bombers survive and find love.

  120. Mike says:

    Police Academy – Womanizer and guy who can make funny sounds with his mouth fight crime.
    Pi – OCD loner thinks he has Wall St. figured out.
    Tootsie – Transvestite lands a job
    The Green Mile – Prison guard outlives his family and friends thanks to a friendly giant.
    Stand By Me – Teenage kids bond over corpse
    The Jerk – Retarded guy causes eye problems for everyone
    Mary Poppins – Witch babysits children. Parents are too busy to care.

  121. Doug M says:

    Horror retrospective:

    THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA: Disfigured man is just as disfigured inside.

    DRACULA: Addict pursues his addiction until it kills him.

    FRANKENSTEIN: Scientist learns the hard way not to hire the handicapped.

    THE MUMMY: Scholar learns a painful lesson about why he should burn books.

    THE INVISIBLE MAN: Doctor learns a painful lesson about why he should cooperate with a murderer.

    THE WOLF MAN: Man learns a painful lesson about not interfering with predators.

    ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN: Man learns the hard way why he should believe anything an idiot tells him.

  122. Doug M says:

    Actually, Dracula should be more uncomfortable:

    DRACULA: Addict needs help, instead is pursued and killed.

  123. Alex says:

    “Pi – OCD loner thinks he has Wall St. figured out.”



    “Plagued by headaches, a man resists all opportunities for gainful employment”

  124. Mike says:

    Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – Selfish teenager scams the entire town while nearly getting his principal killed.

    Pee Wee’s Big Adventure – Obsessed man-child befriends scary bikers through the power of song & dance.

    With Honors – Homeless man resorts to extorting a college kid for food and shelter.

    Blow – Enterprising young man learns you can’t trust anyone, not even your own mom.

  125. Burkhard Vandalus says:

    behind the green chamber
    the kidnapping and gang rape of an all-american girl results in endless obituaries some 30 years later

    => you mean: behind the green door, right ;-)

  126. theConundrumm says:

    @ dgaicun

    REQUIEM FOR A DREAM: Drug addict with financial problems loses boyfriend but learns to [b]make ends meet[/b].


  127. jimBOB says:

    XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS: Endless road trip leads one member of lesbian duo to commit suicide.

    SCOOBY DOO: Slacker and talking dog have gastronomic adventures while touring classic architectural points of interest.

    THE LITTLE MERMAID: Nymphomaniac girl temporarily succeeds in mad quest to pry her legs apart.

    THE CORPSE BRIDE: Older woman helps shy groom-to-be memorize his wedding vows.

  128. Doug M says:

    Hitchcock retrospective:

    SHADOW OF A DOUBT: Niece covers up for her murderous uncle until he tries to double-cross her.

    STRANGERS ON A TRAIN: Man welshes on a deal to trade murders, gets away with it.

    NORTH BY NORTHWEST: Drunk driving hero causes several deaths and a plane crash.

    PSYCHO: Mother moves in with son.

  129. Mike says:

    FORREST GUMP: Developmentally challenged man overcomes obstacles to become single father.

    DER UNTERGANG: Man dreams of uniting world but has dreams crushed by Communists.

  130. Alex says:

    I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER: Fisherman seriously injured, later killed by delinquents.

    SCOOBY DOO: Drug user, dog, and accomplices on travelling campaign of random harrassment.

    MADAGASCAR: Zoo animals cannot adapt to natural environment.

    QUANTUM LEAP: Leisuresuited sleazeball hallucinates imaginary timetravelling friend

    KNIGHTRIDER: Uppity car gives backchat

    MONK: Police retain services of mental defective: tax dollars hard at work.

    DEATHPROOF: Stuntman slain by lesbian gang.

    ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW: Paedophilia and bad parenting.

    THE SIMPSONS: Wife tolerates husband’s drunkenness and poor decisionmaking for sake of children.

    DON QUIXOTE: Senile man’s delusions humoured by desperate kin.

    DR WHO: Eccentric bum with multiple identities lives in phone booth.

    SEX & THE CITY: Three hookers & their mom judge men superficially (thanks Family Guy)

    WITNESS: Amish obstruct police investigation resulting in officer casualties.

    JACOB’S LADDER: Disturbed veteran attempts to slander armed forces.

    THEY LIVE: Disturbed individual embarks on violent rampage prevoked by delusions.

    FATHER TED: Irish Catholic priests’ lives are tainted by drunkenness and stupidity.

    BILLY MADISON: Retarded manchild wrests control of corporate empire that he is incapable of maintaining.

    MR DEEDS: Retarded manchild wrests control of corporate empire that he is incapable of maintaining.

    HAPPY GILMORE: Nation warms to violent golfer

    KIND HEARTS & CORONETS: Embittered con artist embarks upon campaign of murder, is imprisoned, and finally almost freed to kill again.

  131. Moleman X says:

    2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY – Tourists thinks the locals are stupid, try to help

  132. dgaicun says:

    INNERSPACE: Two macho pilots invade the body of a slight, anxious man.

    THE TERMINAL: Homeless foreigner unsuccessfully courts a beautiful woman.

    Also, I’m allowed some slight rewrites:

    AMERICAN HISTORY X: A young reactionary learns tolerance after a homosexual experience.

    BIRTH: A lonely woman lusts after a little boy with a false identity.

    BIG: A lonely woman lusts after a little boy with a false identity.

  133. Kodi says:

    My cousin sent this link to me and said, “You might enjoy these.” I just want to say that the Titanic bit was fantastic, first off. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to take half of these movies serioulsy again. Bravo!

  134. ARSEFACE. says:

    FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR: Freeloading youth damages property, health, and reputation of wealthy relatives.

    WEIRD SCIENCE: Sexually-repressed nerds waste time and energy they could have spent buying a bottle of Jergens and a copy of Hustler.

    THE GODFATHER: Rotund man with asthma and speech impediment suffers massive heart attack despite unambiguous stance on illicit drugs.

  135. A says:

    KIND HEARTS & CORONETS: Jealous social climber found guilty of family slaughter.

    LAWRENCE OF ARABIA: Arab terrorism cell traced to “pretty boy” masochist. British military deny involvement.

    PASSPORT TO PIMLICO: French involvement suspected during quashing of illegal secession movement.

  136. Macerio says:

    Star Trek: TNG – bearded guy inexplicably gets alien ass

  137. Cameron says:

    March of the Penguins: Flightless birds contemplate the merits of suicide in arctic tundra

  138. Yea says:

    HOME ALONE: Abandoned child barely escapes sodomy by homosexual vagrants

  139. scoot says:

    SUPERMAN RETURNS – alien with superpowers catches things that fall.

    raiders of the lost ark – this ones wrong, he’s not in it for the money – PWNED

  140. Robert says:

    CARRIE: Abused girl is upset when Vegans toss blood on her

  141. Onemouse says:


    LORD OF THE RINGS: Ex-burglar’s family and friends go on roadtrip to destroy stolen jewellery rather than return it to rightful owner.

  142. dgaicun says:

    THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS: Man endangers young son in get rich quick scheme.

    THE CROW: Ineffectual police force leave armed hoodlums to try and stop rampaging zombie.

    BEING JOHN MALKOVICH: Urban failures exploit space/time anomaly to repeatedly rape a celebrity.

    BEETLEJUICE: A young married couple suffer violence after home invasion.

  143. MordWa says:

    DEATHRACE: Mario Kart goes to Jail

    MEAN MACHNE: FIFA 2008… goes to jail

    THE LONGEST YARD: Madden 2006… goes to jail

    THE RUNNING MAN: American Gladiators… goes to jail

    RAMBO III: Contra goes to jail

    BATMAN BEGINS: Cinematographer forgets to light set; Audience fails to notice

    10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU/ : SHE’S ALL THAT: Date Rape still fun!

  144. ScreamingMonk says:

    HOME ALONE: Family abandons child to whims of stalking criminals; child actor goes on to develop drug problems, divorces parents.

  145. Eb K says:

    Rocky III: White boxer gets beaten by better black boxer, gets pitied as a fool, is trained to fight as a black boxer, has a gay moment, gets rhythm and wins.

  146. Benjamin says:

    DOLLHOUSE: Depressed women volunteer to be raped, commit felonies.

  147. jsulima says:

    SISTER ACT: Second-rate lounge singer leads religious order to commit apostasy.
    GOODFELLAS: Mama’s boys play with guns, get into trouble.
    THE GODFATHER: Son takes over family business, settles old accounts.
    THE CLOCK: Soldier picks up girl on weekend leave, abandons her after only 24 hours.
    LITTLE SHOP AROUND THE CORNER: Boss sexually harasses saleswoman, tricks her into marrying him.
    THE QUIET MAN: Retired American boxer beats up Irish newlywed and her brother and becomes village hero.
    KEY LARGO: Vagrant vet kills businessmen.
    THE BIRDS: Eco-terrorists plague seacoast town.
    GOODBYE MR. CHIPS: Doddering teacher invites schoolboys to tea then dies.

  148. jsulima says:

    One more ….

    MY NAME IS EARL: Redneck man sleeps with mentally impaired brother in cheap motel.

  149. matt roberts says:

    Thanks to this I learned what septuagenarian means. Which is spelled wrong btw.

  150. Steve Thomas says:

    Shawshank Redemption: Convicted murderer drives prison warden to suicide and steals life savings

    The Matrix: Paranoid schizophrenic is ruthlessly exploited by cult-like group of extremists

    The Negotiator: Man being framed for a crime believes that laws regarding kidnapping, extortion and destruction of property don’t apply to him

  151. Steve Thomas says:

    CASINO ROYALE: Compulsive gambler is exploited for gain by the British government, then pursued and murdered over his gambling debts.

  152. colin a says:

    i made some up last night

    The little mermaid – girl discovers true love is attainable through extreme body augmentation

    jaws – police attempt to arrest nature

    brokeback mountain – gays exist

    Peter pan – even in dreams children cannot escape abusive father figure

  153. Sara T says:

    Ender’s Game: Child soldiers unknowingly commit genocide against an alien race, think they’re just playing a video game

  154. Zen says:

    Transformers: secret society exploits illegal aliens for technological gain, then shoot them

  155. Joe D says:

    Major League: Ex-con pitcher prevents professional baseball franchise from relocating to larger city where team could finally compete financially with rest of league.

  156. APimpNamedSlickback says:

    Independence Day – Nationalistic war-mongers destroy advanced alien species by hacking their wireless network with a MacBook.

    Armageddon – Cowboy drillers sent to meteor and fail to strike oil.

  157. colin a says:

    Breakfast Club – teens with varying social status’ see eye to eye on drugs, sex .

  158. APimpNamedSlickback says:

    Snakes on a Plane – Mother-fucking snakes on a mother-fucking plane really pisses Samuel L. Jackson off.

    Deep Blue Sea – Giant mother-fucking sharks really pisses Samuel L. Jackson off.

    Pulp Fiction – Mother-fucking criminals stealing from other mother-fucking criminals really pisses Samuel L. Jackson off.

  159. APimpNamedSlickback says:

    Aladdin – Robin Williams snorts coke, embodies genie with 482 characters.

  160. Benjimawoo says:

    ANNIE – Billionaire uses necklace to bribe untraceable child to move in with him.

  161. Roxanne says:

    Hee hee. That was brilliant. My favourites had to be Doctor Who and Starwars… and Jurrasic Park and Batman,oh and One Flew Over the Cookoos Nest and that Samuel L Jackson one was good. They all made me giggle.

    The only ones I can think of at the moment are
    Fith Element: ex-cabbie is forced to seduce hot alien female inorder to save the universe.
    Big Fish: Son resents absent fathers lies.
    Omen: Father tries to kill son because he doesn’t understand his subconcious mutant abilities.
    Demons: Underground group go out at night and kill people who are different to them.

    This is going to be going around my head tomorrow at work. Aw no I am going to end up discussing this with my work collegues during break and we will be going through all the films we can think of.

  162. Steve says:

    THE ITALIAN JOB: Mini Copper commercial

    TEEN WOLF: Girls dig bestiality

  163. Will Tribble says:

    MEN IN BLACK: Secret powerful cult hypnotizes humanity for benefit of semi-murderous interplanetary lifeforms. Scientologist praises them in rap.

    Some of these don’t sound too far from the original intentions of the film/book/TV show. Think Alan Moore would totally agree with the V for Vendetta one.

  164. APimpNamedSlickback says:

    Apocalypto – Without a single word of dialog, ancient Mayans teach us the importance of taking heart.

  165. APimpNamedSlickback says:

    Real Genius – Professor’s house turned into giant popcorn ball for giving smartass slacker a failing grade.

  166. APimpNamedSlickback says:

    Men in Black: Ultra-secret government organization formed to steal alien technology, solve roach problem.

  167. Luke says:

    SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Woman leaves wealthy partner for man about to become even wealthier

  168. Yakmala says:

    HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER: Sailor with stolen property seeks asylum.

  169. Yakmala says:

    WOLVERINE: Psychotic with amnesia fights for justice.

  170. Yakmala says:

    THE CROW: Lead actor dies on set, finishes film.

    BURN NOTICE: Fired employee continues working for free.

    THE ROAD WARRIOR: Gas shortages lead to civil unrest.

    THE PRINCESS BRIDE: Girl’s love for laborer leads to complications.

    THE WALL: Fatherless musician has breakdown, forms cult.

  171. Sebastian says:

    hey I think you got the Rocky one wrong because rocky loses.

  172. Diana says:

    “TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.”
    This made my day.

  173. Anthony says:

    THE LION KING: Outcast violently ruins experiment in social harmony.

  174. Anthony says:

    RENT: Strippers, gays, and drug addicts share meaning of life.

  175. Thane says:

    A Clockwork Orange: A young man is persecuted for expressing his love of classical music.

  176. INDEPENDENCE DAY: Alcoholic suicide bomber destroys valuable technology and kills thousands in deluded act of vengeance.

    QUANTUM OF SOLACE: Alcoholic misogynist pursues incomprehensible vendetta.

    DEAD POETS SOCIETY: Teacher loses job after inspiring students to lie to parents, fondle drunken girls, and commit suicide.

    OLIVER TWIST: Jewish stereotype lures orphan into life of crime.

    OLIVER: Singing Jewish stereotype lures orphan into life of crime.

    SEVEN POUNDS: Guilt-ridden killer insults blind man and poisons himself, destroying internal organs.

  177. Timothy says:

    The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe: Misfits discover they are special persons in secret world just beside our own.

  178. John says:

    MEN IN BLACK: Talented misanthrope thwarted in search for alternative energy by clandestine paramilitary technocracy seeking to maintain status quo.

    MEN IN BLACK 2: Talented misanthrope thwarted in search for alternative energy by clandestine paramilitary technocracy seeking to maintain status quo.

    SNAKES ON A PLANE: Irritable, foul-mouthed government agent escalates nightmare scenario for animal control authorities.

    50 FIRST DATES: Woman is cruelly reminded of tragic past by sadistic family on a daily basis.

    HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: Sex addict’s cries for help ignored by cynical, impressed friends.

  179. COLIN A says:

    The little mermaid – girl discovers true love is attainable through extreme body augmentation


  180. Alex says:

    CATS & DOGS: Out-of-control pets cause mayhem, sadness.

    FRANKENSTEIN: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

    THE ISLAND OF DR MOREAU: Out-of-control pets cause mayhem, sadness.

  181. Andrew says:

    “BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.” WRONG: nothing remotely like this ever happened in any of the Benji movies! In the first movie he is a stray dog who foils some kidnappers. In the sequel, For the Love of Benji, he gets mixed up in an international spy conspiracy! While he does get lost at sea in Benji the Hunted, he fends for himself on an island until he is rescued. Finally in Benji Off the Leash, he must save his sick mother from an evil breeder!

  182. Alex says:

    BEETHOVEN: Dog complies with stereotype

    LASSIE: Dog complies with stereotype

    TURNER & HOOCH: Cop brings dangerous dog to work

    ONE OF OUR DINOSAURS IS MISSING: Brave upperclass Britons foil Communist plot

    ERNEST IN THE ARMY: Forces recruit mental defective who is instrumental in bringing liberation to corrupt regime

    ERNEST RIDES AGAIN: Mental defective steals historical artifact.

    WORLD TRADE CENTER: Arabs play Jenga

    ON DEADLY GROUND: Ecoterrorist kills many.

  183. Sam says:

    I love how all the Neil Gaiman movies have the same summary.

  184. Alex says:

    “I love how all the Neil Gaiman movies have the same summary.”

    You can also do it with his books too:

    AMERICAN GODS: Misfit discovers he is special person in a secret world just beside our own.

    ANANSI BOYS: Misfit discovers he is special person in a secret world just beside our own.

  185. Meg says:

    You put the same thing for ET and Marley and me!

  186. Earl Jones says:

    Soylent Green: Environmental extremist attempts to sabotage a major corporation’s public service program.

    The Sound of Music: Gold-digging nanny disrupts single father’s family relationships and marriage plans.

    Dr. Strangelove: Russian scientists solve world overpopulation.

    Animal House: Pathetic drunken voyeur finds true love and political success.

    Cat Ballou: Young woman despondent over the loss of her father degenerates into thievery, prostitution, and murder.

  187. dgaicun says:

    Twilight: A forbidden romance develops between a 17 year old girl and a 108 year old man.

  188. ugly steve says:

    yeah, i liked the little subtle jabs at neil’s works. still an amazing author, though.

    also, fat charlie wasn’t really a misfit. more of a loveable loser.

    i also like that it works in vice versa for good omens: two misfits from a secret world just beside our own discover they are special people in our world.

  189. Haakon says:

    Father of the Bride: Unbalanced father harassed into enjoying spending half million on wedding and swans.

    Dark City: Man wakes up, repeatedly.

    The Crow: Boy loses girl, kills.
    The Crow II: Boy loses son, kills.
    The Crow III: Boy loses girl, kills.
    The Crow IV: Boy loses girl, kills, regrets not being in Terminator 3.

    Nosferatu: Future Hair Club for Men member walks slowly, harasses girl.

    Jesus Christ Superstar: Hirsute rabbi heals with hands and Funk.

    Citizen Kane: Two wives, one child, vast riches trumped by a sled.

    Mac and Me: Handicapped child in long-form commercial.

    Spartacus: Athlete becomes free agent.

    The Pillow Book: Woman enjoys writing.

    The Towering Inferno: People attacked by building, karma.

  190. Albert Wikowonkavitz says:

    A lot of good ones, both in the original post and the comments. I especially like some of the Rocky ones, Robocop, Batman, and Wizard of Oz. Let me try my hand at this…

    A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: Man gets closer to children.
    POKEMON: People train animals with super powers to brutally attack each other.
    POKEMON: Children hit animals with their balls.
    MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER RANGERS: Old man abducts teenagers, forces them to wear tight, brightly colored clothing and beat up people.
    SPACE JAM: Space aliens torture animals and black man.
    ALIEN VS PREDATOR: Hunter brutally murders immigrants.
    TOTAL RECALL: A man hallucinates that he is on Mars, occasionally murdering people.
    THE SIX-MILLION DOLLAR MAN: Government takes corpse and makes it a robot.
    TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: Genetically altered creatures beat up Asian man and giant brain.
    NINJA GAIDEN: Acrobat savagely murders anybody in his way.
    SUPER MARIO BROTHERS: Two men kill animals to help a totalitarian regime.
    MEGA MAN: Scientist sends his son to kill another scientist.
    PEANUTS: Depressed, bald child gets constantly by those around him, including his dog.
    HE-MAN: Half naked man beats up a corpse.
    PAC-MAN: Unending loop of activities involving gluttony and spirits.

  191. lionelthefox says:

    DRAGON BALL: Young boy is exploited by teenage girl, kills people.

  192. DAMON says:

    The Punisher: Man kills Businessman’s son, returns to finish the family too.

    Quantum of Solace: Missing Stationary will get you laid.

    The Hunchback of Notre Dame: The only thing ugly people end up with are talking statues, while the Captain of the Guard gets all the pussy.

    Battlefield Earth: John Travolta has an alien fetish.

    Shaun of the Dead: you can get your ex girlfriend back by mercilessly killing minorities.

    Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Father and Son screw same girl, then leave her to die.

    300: Man penetrates woman, woman penetrates man.

    Click: Man takes remote, screws with time, effectively learns that there are no consequences.

    Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Jack Sparrow cuts off man’s penis, returns from dead to finish the job.

  193. Petr10 says:

    FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL: Four weddings is more than enough for this man.

    FORREST GUMP: A simple man runs, walks, stops, sits and runs again.

    FARGO: A murderer is caught by a leg.


    FARGO: A change in weather results in a big loss.

    ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: A Native American destroys a bathroom.

    THE GODFATHER II: An American soldier kills enemies.

    KILL BILL: A comatose woman kills a mother of a little girl in Part 1 and a father of another one in Part 2.

  194. angelsbleedfire says:

    mrs. doubtfire – crossdresser seeks to win back affection from family by displaying homemaking skills
    notebook – old man wastes day telling stories to old hag
    pianist – piano lessons + judaism = starvation
    black snake moan – old black man kidnaps white whore
    night of the living dead – black man not welcomed by neighbors
    blair witch project – campers footage leads to nausea and boredom
    heartbreak kid – woman hides flaws til marriage, man decides to get fresh poon on honeymoon
    forgetting sarah marshall – fat loser obsesses about ex while writing muppets musical
    dawn of the dead – black friday sales proves irresistable to local populace

  195. Mikester says:

    Just dropping in another note (since Dor keeps finding message board links where people Just Don’t Get It) that we, the other contributors to the original post, know how ROCKY ends. Perhaps you can give us just enough credit to think that maybe, just maybe, there’s another layer of meaning in how that particular entry is phrased, in apparent contrast to the actual plot of the film?

    C’mon, work with us here, people.

  196. leffty013 says:

    Grand Torino is: War veteran commits suicide by gang members, thwarts family greed.

  197. leffty013 says:

    The Golden Compass: Runaway child causes mayhem, destroys property.

  198. leffty013 says:

    Casino Royale: Killer tricks man into scratching his testicles.

  199. leffty013 says:

    Never Say Never Again: Man leaves hospital, destroys historical landmark, and seduces woman so he can kill her husband.

  200. SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN: Insecure woman, besotted with workmate and unable to cope with workplace technological advances, is publicly humiliated by workmate
    to impress his new girlfriend.

    THE SEARCHERS: Macho racist, obsessed with brother’s wife, mutilates corpses and spends years plotting niece’s murder.

    SPARTACUS: After suspected advances from open-minded politician, homophobic man befriends but is killed by politician’s enemy, who the politician subsequently kills.

    GANDHI: Vegetarian begins cycle of repeated clashes with authorities after being thrown off train.

    ROBIN HOOD, PRINCE OF THIEVES: Escaped Muslim convict helps embittered veteran in campaign of civil disobedience.

    FARGO: Artist’s wife is romanced by old schoolfriend and finds pregnancy isn’t the worst of life’s complications.

    GROSSE POINTE BLANK: Lonely woman experiences sequence of traumatic events and enters into relationship with sociopath.

    WILDE: Writer cheats on wife and enjoys watching lover sleep with teenage boys.

    FROM HELL: Radiantly healthy prostitute is threatened by doctor and embarks on love affair with drug-addict cop.

    STAR WARS, ATTACK OF THE CLONES: Teenager murders women and children and is sentenced to death, but escapes and marries older woman.

    THE LORD OF THE RINGS: Fat jealous man persecutes schizophrenic follower of Atkins diet while on road trip.

    DOWNFALL: Vegetarian celebrates birthday and gets married.

  201. leffty013 says:

    WWII (I know, not a movie)” Abused German half-breed wreaks havoc in Europe, becomes fodder for Southpark.

  202. Helmut Watumba says:

    Karate Kid
    Humble old man from Japan willingly helps constructing a rascist nickname that fellow Asians will have to suffer forever

    Tom Hanks loses weight

    Wayne’s World
    Retard wants to screw the Asian chick, succeeds.

  203. Alyak says:

    Grosse Point Blank: Woman rekindles romance with high school sweetheart when he returns from 10-year killing spree.

    How I Met Your Mother: Narcissist boasts to children about past sexual conquests.

  204. crispy.panda says:

    The Queen: Death of a free-loader while on holiday upsets an old woman’s plans.

  205. thegeniusss says:

    Spoiled metrosexual goads mental patient to kill girl who rejected him—kills her heroic lawyer boyfriend.

    12 ANGRY MEN:
    Courageous independent forced to conform to the will of 11 strangers.

    An endangered species pushed to the brink of starvation is ruthlessly hunted by boat captain intent on murder.

    A ragtag group of renegades and their incompetent leader are brought to justice by military forces.

    Risky corporate venture is unsuccessful.

    A young man’s shenanigans result in the deaths of four soldiers.

  206. Sara T says:

    How about a couple of video game Uncomfortable Plot Summaries?

    Final Fantasy VIII: Children taken from orphanage by government, trained to be killers by age 17.

    World of Warcraft: Characters commit hate crimes against people of other races, are rewarded for doing so.

  207. Christina says:

    NEW MOON – Girl jumps off a cliff after being dumped, but lives so she can save ex-boyfriend from public sparkling.

    ECLIPSE – Girl balks at marriage proposal, but wants to have sex with her boyfriend anyway.

  208. Petr10 says:

    SCHINDLER’S LIST: A Nazi sleeps with Jewish women to earn burial in Jerusalem.

  209. Caleb Mock says:

    Forrest Gump: Retarded man tries on different hats, never finds suitable job.

  210. Britgirl says:

    PRETTY WOMAN – Even whores can find love

    THE FULL MONTY – Stripping proven to be a good option for the unemployed

    FOOTLOOSE – Outcast bangs preachers daughter – unites town

    THE HOLIDAY – Having an accent can get you laid

    BRIDGET JONES – Fat girls can get sex

    UNTOUCHABLES – chaos reigns in Chicago after bar is closed.

  211. THX113AIT says:

    THE DEPARTED: Two young promising Irish-American men in Boston each suffer an identity crisis due to their respective occupations.

  212. Barbara Todd says:

    Fight Club: Handsome man fights, makes money selling soap.
    Usual Suspects: Murderer denies guilt, walks funny, goes free.

  213. Caleb Mock says:

    I’ve got another one:

    Memoirs of a Geisha: Man meets girl, waits till she’s legal.

  214. Dev says:

    SUPERNATURAL: Two white men kills blacks and women.

  215. Jorbex says:

    TOY STORY: Selfish, backstabbing sheriff tries to rub out rival.

    TOY STORY 2: Selfish, backstabbing sheriff steals private collector’s property, cheats him of thousands of dollars.

  216. Gerusz says:

    STAR TREK NEMESIS: Young, terminally ill man with identity crisis gets killed.

    SUPERNATURAL: Minority member kills a mother, her sons avenge it by attempting genocide.

    MARLEY & ME: Family dog dies, everyone cries, comedy screwed up.

    STARGATE SG-1: Seasons 1-8: Earth destabilizes galctic order, millions die.; Seasons 9-10: Earth brings extremely powerful alien threat into the galaxy, millions die.

    STARGATE ATLANTIS: Earth awakens extremely powerful alien threat, millions die.

    STAR TREK VOYAGER: Heroes blast their way through delta quadrant, murder thousands to get home.

    OLD SCHOOL: Three men in their midlife crisis move in to a campus to get some college ass, old man dies.

    FINAL DESTINATION SERIES: Instead of dying a quick death, the protagonists get killed in a series of painful and ridiculously gruesome accidents.

    BLOODY VALENTINE: 3D can successfully replace plot.

    AI: humans discriminate robots, the opressed minority later rises to power, Spielberg sucks in finishing a story.

    SEX AND THE CITY (the movie): money will buy your way in a girl’s pants.

    MIB: Smart little girls are evil aliens (the shooting range scene)

  217. Mitch L. says:

    Sin City: Guy has sex with girl, girl gets killed, guy kills everyone, Frodo gets choped up and fed to a wolf

  218. Bryan Irrera says:

    Diving Bell & Butterfly: After a life changing experience, a man spends all his free time lying in bed.

  219. Ted Hemlin says:

    SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Idle rich male celebrates his brother’s violent death by dancing around in a train station.

    POSIDEON (remake): Target audience are relieved that surviving characters are 100% Caucasian.

  220. Meh says:

    AMELIE: A French woman finds photoalbum, refuses to return it to his owner.
    KNOCKIN’ ON HEAVEN’S DOOR: Two sick Germans never been to the sea.
    HOUSE M.D.: Drug-addict medical doctor wants to get laid with his boss.
    THE BIG BANG THEORY: Highly socialized young woman becomes a nerd.
    THE IT CROWD: An Irish and a black man perform practical jokes on their colleague.

  221. Jaredcheeda says:

    DOGMA: Decendant of christ reluctantly stops Ben Affleck from destroying universe.
    CLERKS 2: Aimless loser partakes in interspecies erotica at his McJob, finds love.
    FUTURAMA: BENDER’S BIG SCORE: A band of losers and nudists exploit time travel for personal gain. Robot destroys all humans, along with universe.
    GHOSTDOG: THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI: Fat black man kills white mobsters. Enjoys ice cream, dies.
    JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK: Two stoners go on a road trip to prevent millions of dollars coming their way. Meet Will Ferrell and a monkey.
    HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE: Two stoners go on a road trip to eat food. Meet Neil Patrick Harris and a cheetah.

  222. Ted Hemlin says:

    SAW I-V: Cancer patient attains greater self-expression through providing heartfelt moral guidance to his fellow citizens.

  223. Mart says:

    DR. STRANGELOVE: Insane general destroys world, german consultant knows resort

  224. Vox T says:

    SEX AND THE CITY: “A show about three hookers and their Mom”

    – Brian Griffin

  225. Mart says:

    STARSHIP TROOPERS: Soldiers try vermin extirpation, several fatalities

  226. Mart says:

    MILLERS CROSSING: Jewish girlfriend´s brother prays for his life, shot

  227. IndiKated says:

    Ugly Betty: Supporting actors disappoint the nice lady.

  228. VincentR says:

    DEXTER: Indulgent father allows adopted son to get away with murder.

  229. VincentR says:

    THE PRINCESS BRIDE: Man tortures ill boy with book of inappropriate subject matter and continues despites child’s begging.

  230. VincentR says:

    WEEDS: widowed suburban housewife takes start-up business with her friends to the next level by discovering her green thumb.

  231. Shawn says:

    SLEEPERS: Felons raped while serving sentence seek revenge.

    TOMMY BOY: Retarded manchild wrests control of corporate empire that he is incapable of maintaining.

    HOME ALONE: Problem child assaults criminals.

    SWING VOTE: Drunken rednecks child screws up elections.

    ZACK & MIRI MAKE A PORNO: Friends make amateur porn.

    LAKEVIEW TERRACE: Cop terrorizes new neighbours.

    SLACKERS: College students repeatedly commit fraud; no consequneces.

  232. Quietus says:

    Rinkworks (back in the day) had similar ones.

    Movie-A-Minute: http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/

    Book-A-Minute: http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/

  233. tenroads says:

    the Departed: White writers/director takes idea from Chinese cinema and win oscar

  234. SparcMan says:

    SHREK: Noble blackmails native into abducting a woman to become his bride.

  235. SparcMan says:

    BEDTIME STORIES: Childish slacker exploits sibling’s children to gain promotion.

  236. Phil Venkman says:

    I’m not sure you people have watched these films.

  237. Hazzer says:

    SNAKES ON A PLANE: snakes on a plane

  238. Citizen Kong says:

    THE FOUNTAIN: Man neglects sick wife, fantasizes about future suicide.

  239. Citizen Kong says:

    BIG FISH: Man learns how to lie from dying father.

    CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND: Aliens abduct people with help from government.

    THE MIST: Father is afraid of weather and wildlife, kills three people and own kid.

    28 DAYS LATER: Man with concussion kills sick people and soldiers.

    HELLBOY: Illegal immigrant kills others like him for chocolate bars.

    UNBREAKABLE: Becoming a vigilante makes you a better husband and father.

    12 MONKEYS: Convict hurts people to prevent future, fails.

  240. Citizen Kong says:

    X-FILES: Religious zealot and delusional porn addict waste government money on year-old cases.

  241. Citizen Kong says:

    KILL BILL (1&2): Bill gets killed.

  242. mcg says:

    Pretty woman: Entrepreneurial businesswoman sells out at first opportunity to industrialist with oral fixation, causes him to attack best friend, lose millions.

  243. Matt says:

    Van Helsing: Kate Beckinsale becomes a cloud; Hugh Jackman puts his hat back on.

  244. Zene says:

    WALL-E: Musical loving serial killer robot shows off his collection to female, stalks her to outer space

  245. Knails says:

    Seems odd that no one pointed out that the spartens were among the few Greek peoples that weren’t gay

  246. A.B. says:

    FRIENDS: New Yorker have sex with their neighbors


    FRIENDS: A divorced paleontologist stalks a high-school crush for 10 years.

  247. Brandon says:

    Dorian, come on man, the classics? O-k, I have some for you.

    “Beetle Juice”: Unfriendly ghost terrorizes new house owners and causes havoc for the previous deceased owners.

    “Wizard of Oz”: Witch keeps girl (and her dog) from returning home and plans to kill her friends from ever achieving their goals.

    “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”: Chocolate maker with a mean (and potentially insane and sadistic) streak severely punishes four brats, as well as one not so mean one.

    “The Birds”: Woman causes havoc on an entire town all by keeping pet birds in a cage.

    “Clue”: Six blackmailed guests visit a mansion, and while already being blackmailed, they commit homicide; way to push the envelope.

    “Homeward Bound II: the Incredible Journey”: Pets (once again) do not listen to their owners and run away, once again.

    “Shadow of the Vampire”: Man films a movie while having his cast potentially killed off by a vampire.

    “Hearts and Souls”: Souls of four deceased people annoy a guy (who is in a relationship) by making him finish their unfinished business. A little unfair, don’t you think?

    “Hellraiser”: Exaggerated horror movie, which disturbs and grosses the audience out, while addressing sadomasochism in a revolting yet irresistible manner.

    “Meet the Feebles”: An attempt to ruin a classic show.

    “Gremlins II”: Tough men steal Gizmo causing harm to people who live in the Big Apple.

    “Necessary Roughness”: Football rip-off of “Major League”, enough said.

    “Howard the Duck”: Duck from an alternative universe comes to Earth and makes a mess of everything.

    “My Stepmother is an Alien”: Father causes havoc for his daughter by being married to an alien who carries a bag monster.

    There are plenty more where that came from, but these will suffice. Ha-ha, imagine if these movies actually had these tag-lines, ha-ha, classic.

  248. If you try it with mythology, the plot summaries don’t so much make you uncomfortable as just accurately describe what’s going on. It’d be more challenging to make the plots sound safe and homely.

    AJAX: Poor loser takes out anger on livestock, commits suicide.
    TEIRESIAS Townspeople pay token respect to handicapped transsexual, but frequently disregard his advice.
    ODYSSEUS: Traumatised veteran returns home and butchers wife’s guests.
    ACHILLES: Bisexual man kills perfect husband and mutilates corpse to avenge death of gay lover.
    ORPHEUS: Musician has difficulty accepting wife’s death, is assaulted and murdered by drunken gang.
    ARIADNE AND THESEUS: Exotic dancer helps new lover murder her deformed half-brother.
    EOS AND TITHONOS: Beautiful young wife trapped in unsatisfying daily routine, having to get up early for work while decrepit husband invariably stays in bed, muttering to himself.
    PERSEUS: Man keeps daughter captive, and is horrified when girl becomes pregnant after golden shower; daughter’s son later kills man at sports event.
    DAEDALUS: Scientist attempts murder of nephew, designs fetish costume and dungeon, causes death of son.
    DEMETER AND PERSEPHONE: Woman’s brother kidnaps and rapes her daughter, woman develops eating disorder.

  249. sdfjkhfsdhj says:

    Absolutely hysterical, especially Titanic and Return Of The Jedi. I got more:

    Forrest Gump: Retard’s mom fucks school prinicipal so he can join army and kill babies in Vietnam.

    Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: Middle-aged mentalist finds adopts lost retarded puppy, then kidnaps young boy from mother.

    Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: Virgin screws hot politician, gets hand chopped off by senile factory owner.

    Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Angst-ridden youth commits mass murder at daycare, commits domestic abuse, tries to kill teacher and becomes asthmatic amputee.

    Wedding Crashers: Sleazy 30-something men trick wealthy senator’s daughters into sex, beat up groom at wedding, and get approval to marry them from dad.

    Live And Let Die: Wealthy British assassin invades poor island country, murders dozens of black men, steals white wife away from black businessman.

    Casino Royale: British spy murders black athlete, endorses gambling, sleeps with co-worker, gets balls demolished.

    Phone Booth: Dishonest businessman gets moral lessons from a serial killer.

    Pulp Fiction: Crooked boxer and homophobic gangster murder homosexuals.

    Sideways: An alcoholic teacher and a womanizing actor trick hicktown waitress and Asian friend into sex, terrorize golf course and vineyard.

    Brokeback Mountain: Queer cowboys do shoddy work for local businessman, commit adultery, and get what’s coming to them.

    The Beach: Lazy potheads trespass on private property, join slacker club, kill local wildlife, play in the woods.

    Shaun of the Dead: Slacker drunk kills family and friends for beer.

    Little Miss Sunshine: Teenage boy takes vow of silence, reads Nazi paraphernalia, negligent parents forego seeking professional therapy for him.

    Punch-Drunk Love: Retarded businessman hires sex trade worker, denies payment, defrauds pudding company, then commits multiple acts of vandalism.

    Daredevil: Rich lawyer kills Irish immigrant and successful black businessman.

    In Bruges: Irish gangster murders beloved priest and young child, has vacation in idyllic tourist town, assaults tourists in restaurant, harasses vertically-challenged actor, and disfigures local businessman.

    Die Hard 2: Busybody police officer interferes with plan to save South American businessman from unjust persecution by American authorities.

    Die Hard With A Vengeance: Alcoholic police officer targets black community with hate-filled propaganda, kidnaps black businessman, assaults foreign bankers.

    In The Company of Men: Old friends plan to commit psychological cruelty to disabled woman for no reason but to be bastards. (Wait, that’s exactly what this movie is about!!!)

  250. enerbee says:

    friday the 13th – pot smoking teenager kills grieving mother
    friday the 13th sequels – deformed boy overcomes mental illness, lack of education, and persecution to greatly expand upon deceased mother’s legacy
    the wizard – playing nintendo brings family together
    robin hood – after contributing to mass genocide, man introduces communism to england
    live and let die – government funded, white briton travels abroad to kill black business owner, rape virgin

  251. Bargaintuan says:

    PLANET OF THE APES: Astronaut goes home.

    ROCKY: Mentally disadvantaged petty criminal becomes hero after raping a spinster, tainting meat products, and losing a fight.

    ROCKY II: Mentally disadvantaged loser makes poor spokesperson and creates hardship for his growing family.

    ROCKY III: Mentally disadvantaged boxing champion causes death of manager, loses belt, discovers the secret to boxing lies in racial stereotypes.

    ROCKY IV: Mentally disadvantaged boxing champion loses friend to foreign national and follows same back to his homeland to beat him to a pulp.

    ROCKY V: Mentally disadvantaged and brain damaged ex-boxing champion almost loses son to street violence.

    ROCKY BALBOA: Mentally disadvantaged restaurant owner must get over the death of his wife by repeatedly punching a black man in front of millions of people.

    THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW: A couple stranded in the middle of nowhere in the rain enter the home of a scientist who feeds them, gives them a change of clothes, and allows them to participate in his grand experiments.

  252. Triarius says:

    HEROES: People discouver amazing abilities. Most of them quit their day jobs.

  253. Triarius says:

    SCRUBS: Emotionally immature man experience hallucinations. They go untreated, even though he works at a hospital.

  254. enerbee says:

    blues brothers – police try to stop musicians from saving an orphanage
    the cell – a cop and a psychiatrist seriously violate a suspect’s rights
    catch me if you can – man spends his life deceiving people for personal gain, this leads to a comfortable government job (see also-real life)
    romeo and juliet – teenagers overreacting about first love is nothing new; or letter fails to get to intended receipient, causes misunderstanding
    titus (andronicus) – shakespeare was a sick fuck
    battle royale – collars become popular fashion accessory during class field tri

  255. They Live: Professional wrestler wears sunglasses at night, causing government upheaval.

    The Jerk: White entrepreneur swindled out of fortune, becomes dependent on poor negro family.

    The Graduate: Cougar attacks scuba diver, sadness.

    Pink Flamingos: Upper Middle class sex addicts wage war on white trash transvestite, eats dog shit to prove him/her self.

    Mommie Dearest: Joan Crawford rears an ungrateful adoptive daughter.

    Snake Eyes: Cop fails to realize that reviewing security cam footage significantly speeds up the detecting process.

    Suspiria: Witch teaches girls to dance, curses blind piano player to be eaten by seeing eye dog.

    Sunset Blvd: Hollywood legend shoots freeloading writer who lives with her but won’t put out.

    Reservoir Dogs: Color coded criminals who can’t figure out how to divide a tip are expected to carry out an elaborate bank heist.

  256. Rocky 4 says:

    Rocky 4 = White man stoops to all time low and beats up Man with H.I.V

  257. Rocky 5 says:

    opps I mean Rocky 5

  258. Moviewatcher says:

    Bridge To Terabithia: 2 disadvantaged kids find there is more than one kind of grass growing in the forest behind their farming community with unfortunate results.

    Bridge On The River Kwai: A British Army engineer builds the wrong kind of bridge between cultures following a World War II battle with the Japanese.

  259. georgefrancis says:

    Blade Runner – Detective has sex with robot

    Eternal Sunshine – Brain operation proves innefectual

    Synecdoche New York – Theatre director crawls up own asshole and lives a long life.

    Magnolia – self absorbed Los Angeleans incite biblical plague.

  260. georgefrancis says:

    Yes Man – Man who says yes to everything somehow does not catch herpes.

    Good Luck Chuck – Man somehow avoids getting herpes.

  261. georgefrancis says:

    Ratatouille – Rodents contaminate restaurant.

  262. Emi says:

    This was absolutely hilarious yet accurate. Now if I ever want to write movie scripts, I’ll just write them in one line.

  263. Moviewatcher says:

    Lost In Space ( 1998 remake ) – a family of astronauts gets lost in space and time and along the way forget why they left Earth to explore space; in doing so, audiences stay away to avoid forgettiing why they like the original show

    Days Of Thunder – a young man tries his hand at autoracing to test his mettle; believing correctly that this is more about showcasing his ego than writing a good script, audiences deliver only middling box office cash to this one as well

  264. Evita: Self-centered poor woman sleeps her way to the top, dies.

  265. rofling says:

    and some more.. (isn’t this fun!)

    LORD OF THE RINGS: Thieves destroy evidence
    THELMA AND LOUISE: Women attempt to combat stereotype of bad driving, fail
    APOCALYPTO: Man rushes home to pregnant wife in labour
    TRANSFORMERS: Teen impresses girl with hot car
    PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN II: Prisoner’s dilemma proved
    WINDTALKERS: Government co-opts native culture for military-industrial complex
    FIGHT CLUB: Disillusioned insurance firm employee anticipates solution to recession
    KNIGHT RIDER: Man talks to car without Bluetooth

  266. Brave Horatio says:

    ENDER’S GAME: Genocide is just a game to underage killer; psychopath takes over the world.

  267. paul says:

    how about “the sound of music” – a guy sleeps with a nun and then they put on a show for nazis.

  268. DAMON says:

    Quantum of Solace – Man goes on a killing spree to determine if his ex girlfriend was faking in bed.

  269. Joan says:

    Elephant: two boys warn a third one to don’t attend school because it’s dangerous

  270. Jeff says:

    MEMENTO: Things remembering trouble has man.

  271. Choo chii siii says:

    Rambo: Blood and guts

  272. Choo chii siii says:

    Forest Gump: Retard tells a story

  273. John says:

    There’s Something About Mary: Stalking can have hilarious consequences

    Stripes: Loser talks friend into joining the army, where they steal a military vehicle to impress their girlfriends, leading to a small scale war when their incompetent commanding officer invades a foreign land trying to apprehend them.

    Animal House: Rival frat houses fuck with each other, hilarity ensues, parade is ruined.

    Bone: Imprisoned rich kid fantasizes about parent’s downfall.

    Vacation: Man child kills old lady and her dog for ruining his family’s vacation.

    Inside: Idiot plot results in the death of many characters.

    Cannibal Holocaust: Deranged miscreants film their crimes against natives, as well as their own murders. Years later, this act will lead to another film ripping off the same concept.

    The Host: A retarded man’s irresponability leads to his daughter’s death; adopts another trying to replace her.

    Tropic Thunder: An inept director risks the lives of his selfish actors in order to mantain authenticity.

    Videodrome: Television is bad for you, after all.

    Caddyshack: A corrupt judge is served by a wealthy industrialist; destruction of property is laughed off.

  274. Popsiclestand says:

    The Lost Boys: Badly-dressed teenage brothers and their anarchist friends slaughter single father and all of his sons.

  275. georgefrancis says:

    Schindler’s List – Man betrays country by lending aid to terrorists.

    Jerry Maguire – Emotionally constipated sports agent is torn between love of a single mother and a big black wide receiver.

    Million Dollar Baby – Female boxer loses match. Refuses to get out of bed the next morning.

    Blade Runner – Confused detective slaughters and rapes innocent robots.

    Crash (2006) – Los Angeleans learn lessons of tolerance by saying hilariously racist things to one another

    I Heart Huckabees – Young man searches for truth. Finds a bunch of poop.

    Have to credit a friend of mine for those first two.

  276. Ted Hemlin says:

    Close Encounters Of The Third Kind – Deadbeat Dad flees planet.

    Titanic – Woman exploits good will of both Bill Paxton & Billy Zane to gain free travel.

  277. Popsiclestand says:

    Batman Returns: Delusional vigilante kills mentally ill orphan with penguin obsession.

  278. Alex says:

    PROBLEM CHILD: Ritalin naysayers proved wrong

  279. Confabulist says:

    The Memento summary in comment #271 is hilarious.

  280. John says:

    Running Scared (1986) A dancer and a former SNL performer fail to convince audiences with their potrayal of tough inner city cops.

    Borat: An English comic punks Americans on films, leading to lawsuits that get thrown out of court.

    Do The Right Thing: Racial themes keep critically praised films from any Oscar nominations.

    Grizzly: Greiving alocholic destroys wildlife.

    The Wild Bunch: Eldery gunmen commit several acts of genocide.

    Match Point: Adultorous Englishman murders his pregnant girlfriend and ageded landlady.

    Casino: A casino manager makes fatalistic business and relationship decisions.

    Auto Focus: Life after prime time is difficult for some.

    Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead: A father does not care much for one of his sons.

  281. John says:

    Sorry folks, I have thought of more:

    Seinfeld: Four New Yorkers are jailed for petty transgressions, while a dishonest mailman is allowed to go free and continue his disservice to the city.

    The Promotion: Autocrats force racist middle management employees into a competition for a rewardless position.

    Pieces: A Boston university fails to do a background check on its personel.

    The French Connection: A racist New York detective with dubious shooting abilities endangers lives in pursuit of suspects.

    Family Matters: A guest star becomes a regular on a sitcom and changes the focus of that program.

    Webster: A talent challenged dwarf is forced upon the viewing public by network executives in a concept that mirrors another sitcom that is fading in popularity.

    The Butterfly Effect: Making friends with the new girl down the block can have disasterous effects on the lives of some people.

    Clerks 2: Two slacker losers buy their former employer’s business with drug money.

    The Towering Inferno: It is more cost effective to pay for lives lost than to purchase quality materials.

    Old School: A man holds a grudge against those who tormented in childhood and pays for it with his life.

    Superbad: Long time friends surpress their homosexual tendencies by attempting to score with their female classmates.

    Fletch: A man with an identity crisis steals another man’s wife, solves crimes and commits credit fraud.

  282. Rickard says:

    The best one is possibly this:

    THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.


  283. Rickard says:

    CLOSER – Unfaithful heartless people belong together. For 30 minutes.
    12 MONKEYS – Sane man thinks he’s crazy / Crazy man thinks he’s sane.
    AMERICAN BEAUTY – Irresponsible man in middle-age crisis finds happiness and dies.
    FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS – Drugs complicate things.
    ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND – Mad scientist allows history to repeat itself.

  284. Will Tribble says:

    THE DARK KNIGHT: Rich and powerful man disguises himself, wiretaps homes and beats up terrorists. Police publicly condemn him but secretly consider that he is what society needs.

  285. Oliver says:

    NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: Redneck gets killed for act of kindness after finding fortune. Ineffectual cop talks bollocks throughout.

  286. Oliver says:

    THE FOURTH PROTOCOL: Old man tries to rig election by sending in James Bond, gets defeated by Batman’s butler.

  287. a says:

    guy from my work came up with this gem

    Better one for Top Gun:

    Not-too-subtly homoerotic tale of airplanes and shirtless beach volleyball.

  288. John says:

    Some Kind Of Wonderful: High school senior blows all of his college money on jewerly to impress rich girl, but ends up with gender confused friend.

    The Boondock Saints: Brothers are given the blessing to continue their murder spree by the C.I.A.

    Copland: An ineffective lawman is ungrateful to his employers.

    Death Proof: Hard partying women are given a comupance for their lifestyle;
    movie veterans are resourceful in a mad chase.

    The Red Shoes: Women will murder each other over shoe envy.

    The Descent: A selfish women leads all her friends and herself to their doom.

    To Live And Die In L.A. A rogue treasury agent’s short attention span has fatal consequences for him.

    The TV Set: Network brass do not care about quality, it is all getting it done.

    South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut: Censorship can really be troublesome.

    American Pyscho: A Wall Street’s employee irratic behavior is ignored by his fellow associates.

    The Poseidon Adventure: A preacher discovers that God is unvailable for answers during a catasrophe.

    The Lucy Show: A passive agressive women’s behaviour results in complications for everyone.

    Sixteen Candles: A popular student dumps his shallow girlfriend for the sweet girl, his former girlfriend gets revenge by dating a minor.

    The Ruins: Friends pay a high price for going sight seeing with a stranger.

    Shakespear In Love: Miramax product steals Oscars from more worthy films.

  289. Kyle says:

    pokemon:children are tossed into the wildrness to fend for themselves against killer animals by throwing their balls at them…

  290. MF says:

    TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: Children become involved with disturbed neighbor; murder follows.

  291. John says:

    The 40 Year Old Virgin: Emotional baggage brings men and women together.

    Hooper: Drunk driving is really funny as long as nobody gets hurt.

    Tenabrae: Plot twists leave writer’s assistant scared for life.

    Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls: Jealousy and sexual confusion dash the dreams of young ladies trying to make a name for themselves in the music industry.

    The Burning: Deformed killer slaughters young people who had nothing to do with his handicap.

    The Bird With The Crystal Plummage: Good samaritan’s act of kindness results in several homicides.

    Rambo: Christians forget their ten commandants and assist Viet Nam veteran with genocide.

    Club Dred: Killer with an amibigous motive ruins hedonistic’s vacation.

    The Futigive: A doctor suffers the wrath of an inept judicial system.

    My Bloody Valentine (1981) Murders takel the fun out of a coal mine tour.

    I Love Lucy: Women is vicitimized by spousal abuse by Cuban immigrant husband.

    Dogfight: A soilder dates a dowdy women before going off to Vietnam, watches his friends die during an ambush and returns home a broken man.

    Hostel 2: Americans travel abroad to murder American girls; they should of stayed home.

    Blue Collar: Man gets promoted and turns against one of his best friends.

    Everybody Loves Raymond: Mother and wife make sure man does not get his penis back from them.

  292. I have a few:

    The Little Mermaid: Mermaid makes deal with octopus, trades soul and voice for a vagina, almost gets her father killed…it’s a musical.

    Beauty and the Beast: Giant man/beast somehow gets man to fall in love with him, but gets killed by handsome douche…then a flower brings him back to life as a pretty boy…everyone lives happily ever after except Chip who turns into a boy with a giant piece of his skull missing…oh, and it’s a musical.

    Anastasia: Young sexpot learns it’s better to be hot and poor than to be ugly and misrepresented in a family film…for some reason it’s a musical and there’s a talking bat.

    Hercules (animated): Young boy grows into insanely strong man, kills himself and is rewarded with becoming a God… it’s another musical.

    Aladdin: Snakeman turns into snake in order to kill young poor boy who just wants to win the girl but can’t seem to because he is distracted by playing with his monkey and the flying blue ghost of Robin Williams. Princess is jealous her carpet isn’t “magic”…it’s a musical.

    Finding Nemo: Father who lets all his children and wife get killed decides, “not this time” and finds his son with the help of a blue lesbian who is mentally retarded.
    Thank God it wasn’t a musical.
    (How did Ellen not win an award for such a role? The Oscars are rigged I tell you)

    The Lion King: It’s easy to get over your father’s death if you are an antelope, because antelopes can’t talk. But if you are a talking lion, you might need to run away abandoning everyone, inevitably destroying all your father taught you and worked for, but its ok: Just sing some songs with Nathan Lane, have a crazy monkey hit you on the head with a stick, lose your mind for a while and talk to your Dad and then kill your Uncle. Easy-Peezy fuck your sister like best friend to an Elton John song.


    A musical about how two wrongs don’t make a right, unless both wrongs are family murders.


    The Godfather if it was filmed in Africa and starred Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, and James Earl Jones. Oh and it also has to be a musical.

    The Dark Knight: Crime doesn’t pay if you burn the money you steal.
    Rich man with fetish for dark leather fights guy who wears makeup and burn victim unit. Rich white guy wins like always.
    Being a superhero totally blows, even if you are rich. Being psychotic and wearing scary makeup will earn you an Oscar.

    Braveheart: Mel Gibson makes historically inaccurate, yet entertaining film about a Scotsman who wants peace but is forced to kill.

    The Patriot: Mel Gibson makes historically inaccurate, yet entertaining film about an American who wants peace but is forced to kill.

    The Passion of the Christ: Mel Gibson makes Theologically debatable, and extremely sad film about a Jew who wants peace but is brutally murdered. (Spolier alert: JC comes back to life with cool contacts)

  293. L.C. says:

    THE X-FILES: A religious scientist and a mentally ill psychologist team up to fight crimes committed by people with genetic defects.

  294. T.J. says:

    Another Gaiman (my 12-year-old pointed it out):

    THE GRAVEYARD BOOK: Misfit discovers he is special person in a secret world just beside our own.

  295. me says:

    THE FOUNTAIN: Man’s significant other dies multiple times, but on the bright side, he found a cure for cancer, a whole bunch of gold, and a tree that leaks white stuff.

  296. Alex Scott says:

    SANDMAN: Misfit just plain is a special person in a secret world just beside our own.

    MACROSS: Invading military commits genocide against natives, breeds with the survivors.

  297. Saw : Man dying of cancer likes playing games. One woman wins, the rest die.
    Saw II: The woman who won plays on the dying man’s team. The rest die.
    Saw III: The woman cheats and dies. Dying man is 3-0, but dies. Cop takes over.
    Saw IV: Black man doesn’t learn his lesson, killed by white cop. How racist.
    Saw V: FBI agent comes close to winning but gets crushed by white cop. White cop is 2-0.

  298. There’s one difference in the Gaiman gag.

    AMERICAN GODS: Misfit discovers he is completely NORMAL person in a secret world just INSIDE our own.

  299. Alexa says:

    DR STRANGELOVE: Insane general destroys the world; Hilarity ensues.

    TRANSMETROPOLITAN: Gonzo journalist makes President shit himself, retires.

    SHERLOCK HOLMES: Bipolar detective solves crimes, develops mancrush on best friend.

    ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Wealthy family becomes poor when father is arrested by the SEC; turns out their mom did it.

    SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE: Absent-minded man goes to war; later, abducted by aliens. Somehow, this makes the reader weep for the human condition.

    CAT’S CRADLE: Cold weather brings people closer together; life on earth is doomed

    RAGTIME: Rich white man becomes increasingly irrelevant to society.

    BIRDS OF PREY: Beautiful women fight crime with boobs and food.

    JEEVES AND WOOSTER: There are gaping flaws in the British class system.

    ELIZABETH: Woman pretends to be a virgin to trick men into following her orders.

    PULP FICTION: Four poignant tales of redemption and anal rape.

  300. Alexa says:

    SNAKES ON A PLANE: White guy teaches black guy how to surf.

  301. John says:

    Stir Of Echos: Man discovers his neighbor’s dubious parental skills.

    Slepaway Camp: Gender confusion spoils summer vacation for campers.

    Superstition: Crazy old lady makes the new family on the block feel unwelcome.

    Who Can Kill A Child?: Unsupervised brats effects the tourism on an island.

    Pretty In Pink: Molly Ringwald can land any guy, can’t she?

    Speed 2: Man feels unjustly treated by his former employers.

    Porky’s: Actors approaching middle age potray horny teens; film’s success leads to a genre that pisses off critics for years.

    Ernest Goes To Camp: A mentally deficient man is irresponsibly put in charge of childern.

    Crimes And Misdemeanors: A wealthy man has the resources to get away with homicide; a noble man has his women stolen from him by his brother in law.

    The Pledge: A former cop opens shop in a quiet town and disgraces himself in front of everyone when he makes a promise he can’t keep.

    Coffey: A women with an extremely vague career path takes a stand against women being objectified.

  302. PugC says:

    The Shawshank redemtion: Banker has several homosexual experiences, then leaves

    Million dollar baby: Girl looses fight

    The Godfather trilogy: Imigrants struggle to make it big

    The Chronicles of Narnia: Misfits find they are special in a world just beside our own

    The Neverending story: Misfit find he are special in a world just beside our own

    Gran torino: Veteran forces immigrant to do manual labor

    Changeling: Lone mother stands up and fights for her child

    Doubt: Nothing ever happened, i think

    Mongol: immigrants struggle to make it

    The reader: man reads, woman listens, distant friends for life

    Slumdog Millionaire: bullies attack the smart guy

    Apocalypse Now: aboat with young men goes up a river to retrieve a colleague

    Leaving Las Vegas: Man goes to Las Vegas to die. Mission accomplished

  303. pwiggi says:


    (Also, spoiler warning)

    That particular misfit is, in fact, quite a special person:


  304. Fizzbang says:

    THE WIZARD OF OZ: Homewrecker goes looking for government handouts, murders religious authorities.

    SAW: An anonymous benefactor teaches students the importance of proper decision-making skills.

    THE TAMING OF THE SHREW: Woman is taught her place through the motivating power of violence.

    DUSK TIL DAWN: Quentin Tarrantino causes domestic dispute in nightclub.

  305. Lauren says:

    ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Man uses bizarre science procedure to get back at his alcoholic girlfriend.

    AMELIE: Shy french girl is good at stalking.

  306. Robbie says:

    1984: minor rebellion crushed by authorities.

    The Simpsons: fat irresponsible halfwit ruins lives, kills many, goes unpunished.

  307. Robbie says:

    Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Poor woman finds happiness in pretending to be wealthy.

    Bridge to Terabithia: Yuppie parents move to disadvantaged area, fail to warn daughter not to swing on old ropes.

    Death of a Salesman: dreadful father and failed business man gets his.

    Matilda: genius child develops psychic powers, family abandon her.

    Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead: bit part actors practice their lines backstage, imaginations run away with them.

  308. Robbie says:

    Lord of the Rings: stolen property destroys midget.

  309. CB says:

    Persona: Two young women go on a trip to the seaside, find themselves.

    Eraserhead: Unplanned pregnancy changes young couple’s lives.

    Inland Empire: On a film set, woman gets too into character.

    Waiting for Godot: Two old men reminisce while waiting for a friend.

    Taming of the Shrew: Man forces woman into marriage, starves, degrades and mentally destroys her until she is a shadow of her former self – ‘comedy’.

  310. Phill says:

    Hmm, I thought Cloak And Dagger went like this:

    CLOAK AND DAGGER: Latchkey kid hallucinates a better father.

  311. Mark S says:

    Art movie retrospective:

    La Dolce Vita

    Man gets depressed over nothing in particular.

    The Lives of Others

    Slapdash civil service work allows troublemaker to get away with it.

    Cries and Whispers

    It’s grim up North.

    The Seventh Seal

    It’s grim up Mediaeval North.

    Zazie Dans Le Metro

    Child with ADHD receives erratic care from transvestite uncle.

    The Leopard

    Chap realises he’s getting on a bit.

    The Passenger

    Identity thief gets his just desserts.

    Heart of Glass

    Change in factory management disrupts local economy.

    The Trial of Joan of Arc

    Secular government moves quickly to deal with crazed religious terror threat.

    Eloge D’Amour

    Some people seem to get upset about something that seems to have happened during the war.

    La Belle et La Bete

    Unorthodox interior design and domestic routines do not impede marital success.

    Le Boucher

    Small businessman learns of the dangers of smoking.


    Man who insists on wearing his hat all the time is deserted by wife in favour of careless driver.

    Bicycle Thieves

    Stereotypes of Italian tendency to criminality are reinforced.

    Les Biches

    First they’re lesbians, then she isn’t, and then she isn’t either.

  312. Chris says:

    Walt Disney’s Little Mermaid: Privileged rich kid gets everything she wants with no consequences.

  313. Chucho & Rodrii Bluth says:

    Woman suffers jetlag, she cheats on hard-working husband with washed-up actor. Makes fun of locals.

    Potential serial killer engages in adventures with mythomaniac and grave robber.

    Neighbors outrage over local cuisine.

    Scientist seeks cure for migraine. Gets killed by white american and french orphan.

    Man shits watch, gives watch to kid.

    DEATH RACE (2008)
    White male goes to jail. Kills latino and russian drivers, escapes. Kidnaps girl.

    Thirtysomething male does drugs with children, steals painting.

    Man crashes car, dogs die.

    Disfigured male tries to befriend angry women, they kill him.

    Hip-hop star gets eaten. Hilarity ensues.

    Teens get molested by foreign pedophile.

    Bipolar woman becomes stage mom.

    Junkies sing and dance.

    Sex-maniacs, hipsters and junkies refuse to pay rent.

    Jewish male date-rapes white female, staulks her for 9 months.

    Rockstar date-rapes autist musician.

    Transgender dishwasher goes on a roadtrip with junkie pornstar. Steals hormones from jewish female.

    Psycho stage mom drags family into traumatic experiences, kills old man.

    Scientist develops elephantism and mental retardation, U.S. Army haunts him.

    Junkies destroy factory.

    Mexican lesbian experience colorful hallucinations. Marries overweight communist.

    Bipolar lesbians read book.

    Black female kills friendly white female, no consequences.

    Redneck girl develops zoophilia.

    Crippled girl searches for coward soldier.

    Bisexual staulker destroys marriage.

    Lonely teens speak up their minds.

    Blacks destroy italian business.

    Boy fingers girl, takes her to concert.

  314. K26dp says:

    THE GREEN MILE: Black man executed for crime he didn’t commit. Executioner rewarded by God.

    GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK: Liberal media attacks patriotic elected official.

    ANCHORMAN: Sexist pig feels threated in job by compatent woman.

    THE PRESTIGE: Magician kills self onstage, audience approves.

    OH BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?: Corrupt governor pardons convicts.

    THE GRADUATE: Mother’s boy-toy disrupts her daughter’s wedding.

    THE BIG SLEEP: Innocent chauffer to rich family murdered, no one cares.

    CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND: Father’s obsession destroys family.

    DIE HARD: Renegade cop endangers hostages.

    E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL: Chance for contact with alien life thwarted by boy.

    LETHAL WEAPON 2: Black man murders white man, gets away with it.

    UNFORGIVEN: Whores hire a hit man, somehow Frank Miller is not involved in the story.

  315. Steve says:

    Karate Kid:
    Elderly man dupes poor loser into building his house.

  316. Theo says:

    Walking Tall – Failed Black Soldier abuses judicial systems and authority to beat up succesful white businessman and destroy town’s only entertainment and revenue source.

  317. crispy.panda says:

    Little Children- Troubled man undergoes self-corrective surgery to please community and mother.

  318. crispy.panda says:

    The Empire Strikes Back- Reclusive elderly midget trains young boy to kill his own father.

  319. Not the android you're looking for says:

    Forrest Gump: Women give up freedom, health, and self respect so dumb dude can live charmed life.

    Amelie: Gnome gets free world tour from crazy girl with photobooth obsession.

    Bridge on the River Kwai: Brits learn to whistle despite stiff upper lips.

  320. Victor says:

    My Dinner With Andre: Very boring conversation actually turns out to be a very boring conversation.

  321. David says:

    Equilibrium: Perfect society destroyed by liberals, many killed.

  322. John says:

    Leathal Weapon 2: South African diplomats murder American citizens and are allowed to get away with it; friends of the murdered Americans show diplomats exactly what they think of their politcs by murdering them back and getting away with it.

  323. Degs says:

    Back to the Future: Boy gets best friend killed to go back in time, while mother attempts incest. Is denied.

    Princess Bride: Prick tease gets what’s coming to her when poor lover disappears, feigns death, and comes back as someone else.

    Princess Bride: Snobby girl denies poor boy. Poor boy runs away, becomes immoral. Snobby girl finally sleeps with boy. Sends message to 7 year old reader.

    Predator: Meathead soldiers killed by imaginary monster. Surviving soldier finally kills imaginary monster.

    Gangs of New York: Immigrants kill each other while land stealing immigrants look on and laugh.

    Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back: Boy finds father. Boy disobeys father. Father cuts off boy’s hand. Boy doesn’t learn the lesson.

    Crocodile Dundee: Animal abuser brought to New York, shows off his 9 inch weapon.

  324. Matt says:

    Rocky: White man beats up black man.
    Rocky II: White man continues to beat up same black man.
    Rocky III: Black man helps the white man who beat him up beat up a different black man.
    Rocky IV: Different white man beats up original black man, killing him. Original white man who beat him up becomes pissed, leading to white-on-white violence.
    Soylent Green: Government handouts prove popular among the uneducated.
    Superman: Unchecked immigration results in hero, city saved.
    Superman II: Unchecked immigration results in gang violence, city endangered.
    Toy Story: Jealous policeman wants to keep sleeping with young boy, attempts to eliminate his rival.
    The Wizard of Oz: Young woman wakes from nightmare just before sheriff arrives to take away her dog.

  325. Logan Bush says:

    The Blues Brothers: Wanted felons evade police, endanger lives, and destroy millions of dollars in property damage to save small orphanage.

  326. K26dp says:

    BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI: American military adventurism destroys multi-nation cooperative effort.

    A BUG’S LIFE: An innocent, isolated culture is conned by circus freaks.

    REAR WINDOW: Voyerism reward by police, Grace Kelly.

    SAY ANYTHING: Innocent girl gives in to her stalker.

    A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE: Prodigal son returns home, re-unites with brother.

    NO WAY OUT: Department Of Defense successfully cleansed of homosexual, Communist.

    M*A*S*H: Or: why the Korean War was the most fun of all the wars.

  327. Noodles says:

    THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE: Santa Clause provides lethal weapons to children tasked with assassinating a queen.

  328. Alex says:

    INDEPENDENCE DAY: President offers hostile reception to visitors on national holiday.

    THE LORD OF THE RINGS: Brokeback Mountain for short people.

    BROKEN ARROW: Disgruntled veteran protests military pension.

    GODZILLA: French help Manhattan with pest control problem.

    SUPERMAN: Immigrant opposes west coast real estate developer.

    SUPERMAN II: Foreign rivals bring old conflict to American small town.

    SMALLVILLE: High-school football star helps geek friends deal with bullies.

    FLASH GORDON: High-school football star helps geek friends deal with bullies.

    INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS: Republicans win mid-term elections; pollsters confused.

    APOCALYPSE NOW: Crazed barbarian does battle with fanatic cult leader.

    CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Disaffected soldier goes up-country for counterinsurgency mission.

  329. Degs says:

    I came up with a few others today that got a laugh with co-workers. Enjoy!

    E.T.: Boy fosters first alien contact with a moonlit bike ride.

    Enemy Mine: Man falls in love with transgender alien, gets pregnant. Man lets lover die over custody battle.

    Italian Job: Hour and a half Mini Cooper commercial.

    Pitch Black: Careless vacationers book flight with convict. Vacationers trust convict with lives, gets them killed.

    Pitch Black: Jurassic Park 2110: Night Terrors.

    Shallow Hal: Man with serious beer goggle syndrome finds inner beauty.

  330. Andrew says:

    Dawn of the Dead: Capitalists deny food to the starving masses.

  331. SkekDom says:

    Dark City: In a city of narcoleptics, one man dares to suffer from insomnia.

    The Quiet Earth: A transvestite New Zealander and his psychotic friends are all that remain of the human race.

    In The Mouth of Madness: An insurance claims investigator meets a disciple of H.P. Lovecraft. Tentacles are involved.

    Silent Hill: An irresponsible mother helps a barbed-wire demon to slaughter helpless Catholics.

    Slither: Eating disorders and slugs wreak havoc on a small town.

  332. Tracey says:

    From Dusk to Dawn: pre-teen flees to mexico with pedophile grandfather, finds zombies.

  333. Daisy says:

    Moulin Rouge – Prostitute fucks everything up, then dies.

    Juno – Teenage girl ruins vagina

  334. Phe says:

    WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE: mother starves child, causes him to hallucinate.

    50 FIRST DATES: mentally disabled woman is convinced to marry man she doesn’t know.

    AMELIE: Introverted girl stalks OCD man.

    THE HOBBIT: Thirteen dwarves and a wizard bully a midget into commiting crimes.

    BREAKING DAWN: Necrophelia leads to complicated unplanned pregnancy.

  335. Alex Scott says:

    DREAMS FROM MY FATHER: Future world leader has daddy issues.

    DEATH NOTE: Intelligent teen hunted by authorities for what he writes in his journal.

  336. Panda says:

    I got one.

    The Bible: God creates world and mankind, then destroys everything.

  337. Panda says:

    And another one:

    Curious case of Benjamin Button: Baby born old, grows up, gets young, goes back to being a baby, dies.

  338. cjdunn says:

    BEETLEJUICE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own.

  339. Mr Sweet N Awful says:

    The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Pompous alien fucks clean cut couple. Wedding postponed.

    House of 1000 Corpses (as a lighthearted family comedy): An eccentric but loving family make four uptight college students loosen up and rediscover the spirit of Halloween.

    Saw (as an intellectual drama): Lonely and conflicted genius builds puzzles for his students to solve.

    Next Day Air: Two urban petty criminals attempt to sell a misplaced shipment of drugs. When the drug lord owners intervene things turn dire.
    (thats pretty dead on, but you’d never think it was a comedy for christ sake! go read the wiki summary, it still reads like a drama)

  340. Keith says:

    DANCES WITH WOLVES – American soldier commits treason, kills comrades, joins enemies.

  341. southpaw says:

    TOP GUN: Reckless Scientologist kills friend, fucks lesbian.

  342. Michael says:

    Disney’s The Little Mermaid: Teenage girl gives up tail for rich colorblind man.

  343. Chuck Kahn says:

    DUNE: Drug addict leads terrorist army in overthrow of government.

  344. David Kasdan says:

    I made a quick video using your summary of the Star Wars trilogy:

  345. Jonk says:

    Garfield: Disturbed lonely bachelor believes pet cat talks to him.

  346. Altair Waqar says:

    The Chronicles of Narnia: Misfits discover they are special people in a secret world just beside our own.

  347. ePaul says:

    ALIEN : Crew troubled by persistent chest infection.

  348. kkjimbo says:

    The Third Man: It’s ok to be a drug dealing baby killer as long as you look cool lighting a cigarette.
    Every Bond movie: Psychopathic civil servant kills entrepreneur and staff
    The Hound of the Baskervills: Drug addled gumshoe foils over elaborate murder plot involving a large dog.
    Ben Hur: Prequel to Don’t Mess with The Zohan
    Apollo 13: If the Americans had built the Titanic it wouldn’t have sunk

  349. kkjimbo says:

    Mutiny on The Buses: Butler did it.

  350. Roman says:

    AMERICAN PSYCHO: Successful young socialite has an eccentric hobby.

    A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: Charismatic, enthusiastic young man receives guidance from visionary scientist

    THE X-FILES: Paranoid Schizophrenic corrupts diligent scientist; repeatedly interferes with national security apparatus.

    HOUSE M.D.: Sociopath harasses clients, co-workers.

    GOODFELLAS: Entrepreneurship pays dividends for family man.

    PULP FICTION: Enterprising black man harassed by rogue cop.

    RESIDENT EVIL: Scientific discovery flourishes beyond our wildest dreams, freed from the yoke of government regulation.

  351. Kieren says:

    You could add that one too :
    Che: Part One and Two : asthmatic yomps in the mountains coughing his lungs out.

  352. Roman says:

    LETHAL WEAPON 2: A Communist and an Anti-Semite murder a foreign dignitary.

    TERMINATOR 2: An escaped mental patient, a steroid-addled sociopath and a juvenile delinquent cause hundreds of millions of dollars worth of property damage, set scientific research back 30 years.

    THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: Disgruntled employee murders former boss’ family and associates; blames it on God.

    ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: Slovenly loner ignores rodent infestation in his apartment.

    FULL METAL JACKET: Military lowers recruitment standards to allow obese, near-sighted and mentally ill individuals.

    ALADDIN: Arab terrorist kidnaps head of state’s daughter.

    HAMLET: Paranoid schizophrenic murders girlfriend’s father, driving her to suicide.

    HELLRAISER: Eccentric puzzle enthusiast murdered by escaped mental patient.

  353. Roman says:

    THE NEW TESTAMENT: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

  354. JerrBear says:

    FREDDY GOT FINGERED: Father and Son physically and emotionally abuse each other, other people, and animals for 90 minutes.


    Mentally challenged cartoonist beats paraplegic with cane then commits bestiality while father watches.

  355. FB says:

    I know everybody is doing this one, but:

    STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN: A man’s unwillingness to apologize leads to the death of his closest friend.

  356. Sara T says:

    Scrubs Season 8 Episodes 14 and 15: Man buys nice present for best friend, possessive needy girlfriend guilts him into taking it back by force and giving it to her.

  357. Sara T says:

    The song “On My Own” from Les Miserables: Trashy would-be homewrecker sings about masturbation for five minutes.

  358. Meg says:

    Finding Nemo: After his mother and all of his siblings are brutally murdered, a youngster is kidnapped on his first day of school.

    The Incredibles: A man known for taking the law into his own hands unwittingly aids a terrorist plot.

    Monsters INC: Two males harbor a fugitive, illegal alien while a third tries to capture her for his own sinister purposes.

  359. RyogaM says:

    GLORY: White Army man becomes hero by volunteering Black Army men for a suicide mission, to predictable results.

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