A Question of Vital Importance
Posted by Dorian in movies, my fanboy entitlement is showing againMatt Maxwell asks one of those questions for the ages:
The Bandit versus Jack Burton. Who’d win?
Difficulty: No motor vehicles can be involved.
No vehicles? I’ve got to go with Jack Burton. While The Bandit can smirk his way through any number of difficult circumstances, he only really ever had to outsmart a redneck Texas sheriff. Jack Burton had to fight Chinese demons. Advantage: Burton.
However, if we bring motor vehicles back into the equation, I’m going to have to go with The Bandit. I can’t see Jack Burton pulling off a sweet bridge jump in a black trans-am. Advantage: Bandit.
As for love interests, I’m going to have to go with Gracie Law. A tough, intelligent woman who speaks her mind is loads better than Frog, a runaway bride who falls in love with the next guy she sees. Please. Advantage: Burton.
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Jack Burton drives a truck. Not just any truck, but the Pork Chop Express.
Advantage: Burton.
How about just straight up fisticuffsmanship? Burton can throw a punch, but his buddies did most of the demon fighting. I could see them both fighting dirty.
How about Herbie the Love Bug vs. K.I.T.T.?
The ‘Stache. Advantage, Burt.
Y’know, I’ve been thinking about this for five or six minutes, and I still don’t know which would top. Maybe they’d alternate. I just don’t know.
They’re both just fucking adorable, though, I know that.
Ginger–Old Jack Burton has “power bottom” written all over him, if you ask me.
Dorian – you’re so right! Thank you!
(I feel this way about Hauk/Plissken, too.)
By the way, having grown up on the Jackie Gleason Show (mmmmm June Taylor Dancers), I’d have to give anything with the Great One in it full-price ticket price advantage. So, sorry Kurt, advantage Burt.
Burt and Kurt…is this a coincidence or a temporal anomaly?