- If a film has a comic book “prequel,” the film won’t be any good.
- If a film is primarily advertised in comic books, it won’t be any good.
- The people who complain the loudest about a comic are the ones least likely to have read it.
- Your importance as commentator on the comic book industry is inversely proportional to how important you think you are to the comic book industry.
- The more exposition in a comic written by Grant Morrison, the more people will complain that it doesn’t make any sense.
- The people most concerned about comics being accessible to new readers have been reading them for over twenty years.
- Sales will always be mistaken for quality.
- Every character has at least one fan.
- If every comic book reader who threatened to boycott a publisher’s products actually did so, the comic book industry would collapse overnight.
- Collector’s items aren’t.
- If comic book publishers actually produced the books people say they want, no one would actually buy them.
- Nobody ever “demanded” it.
- The more stringent a character’s “code against killing” the more cavalierly they will break it in a film adaptation.
- If you mostly read Marvel comics, their books are creatively driven, as opposed to the editorially driven books that DC publishes.
- If you mostly read DC comics, their books are creatively driven, as opposed to the editorially driven books that Marvel publishes.
- No matter how stupid and boneheaded a thing a comic book publisher does, someone will defend it.
- They’re called Marvel Zombies for a reason.
- Comics were always better when you were a kid than they are now. If rereading a comic published when you were a kid reveals it to be sub-literate hack-work, well, clearly that one particular issue was the exception that proves the rule.
- The best comics ever written and drawn came out when you were twelve. It’s all been downhill for the industry since then.
- People will complain when publishers don’t give them what they say they want.
- They will complain more when publishers do give them what they say they want.
Further ideas are welcome in the comments.
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On #12, there’s a good many “That’s not what X said…” jokes to be made, but we’ll just leave it for now.
Magnificent!
o While every truism must allow for the possibility of the existence of one or more valid exceptions, that does not negate the essential truth expressed by it.
“All ages” means “no one older than 8 need apply.”
I tried to dispute these. I cannot.
People who download comics because “they’re too expensive,” would come up with a new reason to download comics if they suddenly became cheaper.
If a character or book has any degree of success, the market will instantly be saturated with at least 5 titles devoted to that character, special oneshots and miniseries, crossovers and events, that will inevitably start backlash somewhere.
#19 ” The best comics came out out when you were 12.” I think I’m guilty of that sometimes. (confession following) Nostalgia can over-ride quality. That and I enjoy the silly dialog, cartoony-er art styles and frantic pacing. Though I am guilty of the above sometimes, I can’t argue with a single point you made.
Word of mouth will never save a book.
Every character has at least one fan.
Not everyone likes you, Demolition Man, but I do. <3<3<3
Well stated, sir.
There are no books you bought off the stand today that require a bag and board.
There have been two Golden Ages in comics. The first began in 1938 and ended around 10 years later. The second began when you were 8 and ended around the time you reached middle school.
If you’re older than thirty and the only comics you really enjoy are all aimed at young children, maybe it’s not comics that you like.
It’s easier to be worked up and concerned about the future of comics, then about the environment, the economy, the government, etc. And just as easy to not do anything about it, either.
Oh, and it’s not you, it’s everyone else…
(Guh, I’m bitter today, sorry! I like the list even if I’ve been guilty of probably most of those items at some point.)
“The best comics ever written and drawn came out when you were twelve. It’s all been downhill for the industry since then.”
Okay, I’ll accept that as a general role, but when I was twelve in the early 90s… so I have absolutely no nostalgia for the books that got me started.