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Friday, December 12, 2008
Trailer Reviews: December Batch
Pay Full Price Star Trek: I honestly never expected to find myself looking forward to a Star Trek movie. It helps, tremendously, that this actually looks a bit like the anti-Trek. A Trek in name only. In other words, the fact that everything about this film is pissing the holy hell out of the people whose fascination with the show turned it from an actual pop culture thing into the most convenient short-hand possible for "obsessive weirdo loners you don't want to hang around more than necessary" gives me great hope that we might actually get a watchable science-fiction action film.
Push: I am, perhaps, too willing to overlook potential problems with a movie just because they cast Chris Evans in it. And the vague Jumper-ish vibe I get off this "super-powered young adults fight the government" piece suggests that may be the case here. Still, as long as it's better than the second Fantastic Four film (which, honestly, won't be hard), I'll probably be happy.
The Spirit: I don't care what anyone says; I think it looks like a hoot. Like a live-action version of All-Star Batman.
The Unborn: It's like every contemporary horror film cliche rolled into one, but it still looks strangely compelling. Plus, both David S. Goyer and Gary Oldman have earned the benefit of the doubt on stuff like this, so a certain baseline of quality is probably going to be there.
Timecrimes: Whoah, wait...a time-travel movie that isn't about big explodey effects and actually has a unique approach to the genre, namely trying to prevent your past (or future) self from committing murder? I...I can't believe someone made something like that. Oh, it's not American? Well, that explains it.
Netflix-able Chandni Chowk to China: I literally sat dumb-founded through this. A mash up of every Bollywood and martial arts cliche actually got filmed and released. It's like some strange, pomo, post-colonial chimera, and I'm finding the concept intriguing.
Inkheart: I see that film studios are still searching for their post-Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter fantasy-film meal-ticket. This doesn't look as if there's anything particularly wrong with it...but it doesn't look like there's anything remarkable about it, either.
Watchmen: While I'm still not finding myself exactly favorably inclined towards the film, I'm not exactly finding myself hostile to it either. I'm enough of a contrarian to be amused by the folks who are outraged that the name of the hero group has been changed to "Watchmen" from "Minutemen". But in general I'm just seeing it as an ambitious failure. I'm suspecting that Snyder has his heart in the right place, and he seems to get the original materials in a way that previous adapters of Moore comics didn't, but I don't think the complexities of the source material can translate to film, and the marketing truly seems to be selling the movie as an action film starring Rorshach. If that's not what Snyder delivers, I think the general audience is going to reject the movie. But, at the very least, the film's imminent release finally got DC to change that god-awful cover for the collected edition, with the extreme close-up of a blood drop that only made sense to people who had already read the comic.
The Lodger: I kind of dig this approach to a remake. The story of a landlord who begins to suspect his tenant is Jack the Ripper becomes a story of a landlord who suspects her tenant is a serial killer imitating Jack the Ripper. That it's got a pretty decent cast is a plus, especially to someone like me, who will sit through some pretty dreadful serial killer films just because it's late and I'm bored.
Let the Right One In: I hear really good things about this, but the mere fact that it's a vampire movie gives me an incredible amount of skeptical resistance that the film needs to overcome. My loathing and hatred of the vampire genre may be utterly irrational, but man, when shit like Twilight actually makes money, can you blame me for thinking vampires are fucking stupid?
Gran Torino: Cranky codger Clint Eastwood as a cranky codger with a gun fighting gangs. It's almost beautiful in its simplicity as a film concept.
Splinter: What looks like more disposable torture-porn about drifters kidnapping the happy young white couple actually turns out to be a movie about people trapped by a...satanic porcupine? The swerve alone perked my interest.
Duplicity: This gives every impression of being a bouncy, tongue-in-cheek caper film. In fact, it looks good enough that I'm willing to overlook the presence of Paul Giamatti.
Angels & Demons: About the only positive thing there is to say about the last film version of a Dan Brown book is that at least the movie was better than the book. It's going to be a gloriously over-indulgent train-wreck of a film, but I feel compelled to see it, if only to see just how awful it ends up being.
The Uninvited: Ah, another movie about a teenage girl being menaced by vaguely defined ghosts. The "step-mom is a serial killer" angle is a nice touch, though. Gives it just enough spin on the core concept.
Defiance: I don't usually have the patience for war movies, but it's nice to see a film about Jewish resistance fighters, instead of the usual "yay, here come the Americans to solve everyone's problems" approach.
The Haunting in Connecticut: My loathing for "based on a true story" horror films is duking it out with my love of haunted house movies. As a rental, at least, I can always turn it off if, as I suspect, it does turn out to be sub-Amityville level plotting and scares.
Prometheus Had It Easy Fired Up: I was willing to just shrug this off as yet another stupid teen sex comedy starring actors in their thirties, and then right smack at the end, a fag joke. So the people involved with this can go die in a fire.
Delgo: Just because you have the funding to make a film, that doesn't mean you should.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Every new trailer they come up with for this film just makes it look creepier and creepier and creepier. I honestly can't tell who the intended audience for this film could possibly be; nothing about it looks appealing. I guess, maybe, it's for the Fitzgerald fans?
The Day the Earth Stood Still: It's fun watching Keanu attempt to emote. I'd like to see him and Tobey Maguire attempt to do a serious drama together...
Marley & Me: I love doggie movies. To a point that may be unhealthy. I won't see this. Solely because it stars the two most obnoxious celebrities in the world.
2012: The Mayans couldn't think of a practical use for the wheel, but conspiracy theorists would have you believe that they knew when the world would end. Yeah, no, this is skippable. I'll put up with some stupid bullshit in my movies, but not this crap.
Friday the 13th: So, we've gone from remaking the good horror movies, to remaking the shitty horror films that were rip-offs of the good ones in the first place. At this rate, I fully expect someone to be remaking April Fool's Day or My Bloody Valentine any day now...
Paul Blart: Mall Cop: A Christmas movie that doesn't come out until January? Yeah, that ain't a good sign.
Valkyrie: Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise in "The Good Nazi, Who We Will Be Pretending Wasn't Complicit in the Murder of Over Six Million People Until He Realized That Hitler Was Kind Of an Asshole."