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Monday, July 02, 2007
Commando Yank and the Banana King
There are some comics where I'm honestly at a loss to decide if I've just read the most fantastically amazing thing ever, or if a little part of my soul just died as a result of exposure to something that wretched. This is one of those comics. It opens with some good old fashioned white American imperialism.
We'll gloss over how centuries of American imperialism in South America is one of the leading causes of all that graft and corruption to note that this is apparently a literal banana republic, as all they export are bananas. We also see a beautiful bit of white privilege on display.
"Oh, sure, I can just grab one of these bananas...I'm the important white journalist, they should be grateful that I'm here to expose how backwards and corrupt they are. A free banana is the least thanks I should get."
So, after our hero gets his ass beat over a banana, he gets tossed off the edge of a pier. Where a passenger boat just arrived. In broad daylight. At what is apparently a busy shipping dock. Body disposal was so much easier back then, apparently...
"The sharks have to eat, don't they?" is now, officially, my favorite line of comic book dialogue.
Fortunately, the white man doesn't stand for this nonsense, and changes into his heroic identity. While shimmying up a pole. At a busy dock. In broad daylight.
Where did he hide the costume? And if he had a gun, why didn't he use it in the fight?
The value of the bananas is revealed, after Commando Yank kills a warehouse guard and strings him up to look like he's still at his post. You know, I'm not even sure from the context of the story if the guard was part of the gang or just some guy hired to guard the warehouses at this very busy shipping dock...
The logistics of this scheme just confounds me...smuggling dope inside of produce? How did they get it inside? And surely if anything is going to be inspected by customs, it's going to be food, right? Helpfully, the gang shows up with the big boss to keep the story moving...
Get it? Blow? Dope? Wait a second...this is supposed to be a "Wholesome Entertainment: Approved Reading" Fawcett comic! Why are they making cocaine puns?
This has got to be one of the most awkward action scenes I've ever seen in a comic.
And what would a comic about white imperialism be without silly, superstitious, subhuman ferners?
And Commando Yanks beats the dope smugglers and saves the grateful nation from the evils of...uhm, a product that was only being smuggled out of their country to feed the vices of Commando Yanks homeland... But not before we get this nightmarish view: