Man of the Moment


Sean William Scott


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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

One Day in Gotham 



"Gotham Mutual, this is Ted, how can I help you?"
"Yeah, my house was just wrecked."
"I'm sorry to hear that sir. What caused the damage to your house?"
"It's like a giant cube thing. It just crashed right through the roof and now it's in the living room. The damn thing just wrecked my new wide-screen. And that thing was HD! Half the neighborhood was over to watch the game. Now we're all standing around watching some cube."
"Did you or your family sustain any injuries in the incident, sir?"
"No, no, we're all fine. Just the big whole in the roof, the tv, and the living room furniture."
"May I have your account number sir? It sounds like your house has sustained some super-crime related damage, and not all of our home insurance policies cover that."
"It's 777-88-7768-77-686."
"All right, thank you sir, I'm calling up your account now. And...yes, it does appear that you have been paying the super-crime premium."
"So, you'll pay up for all this damage?"
"Pending verification that this is a super-crime event, yes sir. Although I should remind you, your policy doesn't extend to events related to alien intervention or supernatural action. And in the event that the Justice League, Justice Society, or other officially recognized super group becomes involved in your super-crime incident, your premium will not be raised."
"Oh, wait, something seems to be happening with the box. My son says a handle just popped out of the side."
"Sir, I would advise you to keep clear of the box, and your family as well."
"Wait...it's...well, if that don't beat all. Hey, it wasn't just some cube thing, it was a jack-in-the-box!"
"A jack-in-the-box? Sir, what kind of jack-in-the-box?"
"You know, the normal kind. Some sort of clown thing popped out, and now it's laughing and spraying my neighbors with some kind of sparkly green gas."
"Oh, sir...I'm sorry, but according to our records, you signed the Joker waiver at the time your policy was written. There's nothing we can do to help you?"
"Hey, everybody's laughing. Don't see what's so funny, it's just some clown puppet...hey, what do you mean, you can't help?"
"There's a note here in your account...yes, you said 'that's highway robbery, I'm not paying that' when our agent told you how much not signing the Joker waiver would raise your premium."
"Well, I don't understand why you would raise the premium so much for just one super-villain. He's just some clown themed crook, right?"
"Have you lived in Gotham long sir?"
"We moved here from Keystone eight months ago."
"Oh...that explains it."
"So...you won't buy me a new HD?"
"No, sir, I'm sorry. Your policy actually becomes voided in the event of a Joker related incident in your home. If it had been the Calendar Man or even Two-Face, we could help, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do."
"But...but...HD..."
"I'm really sorry, sir. Do try to have a pleasent day. Uhm, and you might try calling 911 for anyone who breathed in the gas."

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© 2007 Dorian Wright. Some images are © their respective copyright holders. They appear here for the purposes of review or satire only.