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Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wonder Woman #300, Part Four
One of the more baffling "wouldn't it be cool" games that fanboys and girls play is the "wouldn't it be cool if Superman and Wonder Woman got together? You know...in that way?" And no, no it wouldn't. Because both characters have far too much history and story elements built into their existing supporting cast and romantic subplots. Such a pairing just doesn't fit the tone for either character. But that's a rant for another day.
In this instance, as her plane plummets to Earth, Wonder Woman's most recent vision is of how her life would be different if, somehow, Superman had crashed into the waters off Paradise Island. Weakened by a cloud of kryptonite dust or something, I guess.
Dispensing with the rather silly gold and crystal carpets, Kal-El simply floats all the time as he recovers on Paradise Island and makes googly eyes at Diana. Disturbingly, there's a really uncomfortable element of ubermenschen to their courtship.
They have a small service in Metropolis so that all of Superman's friends can attend. Apparently none of Diana's relations are invited to this ceremony, despite the fact that Hippolyta approves of the pairing this go-around. And even though this is Wonder Woman's book, Superman's supporting players manage to remain in character.
Yep, Perry's an ass and Jimmy's an idiot.
Things get off to a promising start. I mean, what could possibly go wrong in a relationship where both partners have demanding, high pressure occupations?
Excuse me? Too dangerous? Who was it who saved your alien ass from drowning again?
An errant splash of lava from an exploding volcano results in the closest thing to fan service this book gets.
Creepy exhibistionistic super-sex. Ew.
Proving that Clark's supporting cast really are dumb as fence-posts, no one notices that Superman and Clark both got married to statuesque brunettes at the same time. And both Clark and his new wife have a habit of rushing off whenever there's a crisis. The Daily Planet is really a terrible paper, isn't it?
Why do I get the feeling that dressing isn't the only time Clark's worried about "saving time?" It would explain the disgruntled expression.
Ultimately, the pressure of the relationship proves to be too much for both of them. They never see each other, and when they do see each other they spend all their time bickering over never seeing each other. At least there were no little super-children to be traumatized by the dysfunction that settles into the relationship before it reaches it's only logical conclusion.
Of course she goes back home to her mother. It wouldn't be a soapy melodrama without one last little cliche, now would it?
Diana manages to wake up and avoid crashing her plane, but she's rather disturbed by the vividness and unhappy nature of all these visions she's been having. She gets some sound advice from other Amazons, and a comforting call from Steve before, you guessed it, passing out again.
Really? You wonder if the Sandman might have anything to do with this? The "Master of the Dream Dimension" who has been spying on you, involved somehow? Who'da thunk it?
Tomorrow, someone's fetish is realized as we discover the fate of the Feminazi Wonder Woman.