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Thursday, August 03, 2006
Brokebat Mountain! Get It? Hnur-hnur!
So, how have the always open-minded and reasonable comic fans responded to the news that Heath Ledger will be playing the Joker in the Batman Begins sequel?
"Heath Ledger has never been in anything good. Brokeback Mtn was overhyped b/c of the content" (Yes, that's right, Brokeback Mountain was just a cynical marketing ploy to feed the public's appetite for tragically doomed gay romances...)
"And now begins the second downfall of the Batman series...When the only positive things people have to say about Ledger is he was a good gay cowboy, then I think that should explain it all."
"Watching fans flip out about trivial stuff is always so entertaining..." (Amen!)
"Worst. Casting. In. A. While." (I find this quote works well if you imagine it being said in the "Comic Book Guy" voice from The Simpsons. Only done without irony.)
"are u fucking kiddin me. people actually think ledger could be the joker...are u fucking serious...whoever thinks this is a good casting choice is a fucking idiot."
"hire anybody but Brokebutt Mountain Heath Ledger. What a weird choice. If they cast him, it will ruin the movie"
"'Bizarre' doesn't even cover it."
"Christ almighty, Heath Ledger?? And people sit around and wonder why the BO is in the shitter."
"go to God almighty himself, Joss freakin' Whedon, and ask if this queer mountain cowboy pretty boy is the right choice to play Joker, probably the most important and recognized of all villains in the history of awesome villainy goodness." (This would be the same Joss Whedon who can't think of any good Wonder Woman villains to use in a movie, yes? The guy who can't think of a way to do a cinematic take on Circe, Ares, Silver Swan, Doctor Psycho, Cheetah, Paula Von Gunther, the Red Panzer or even frickin' Egg Fu? That Joss Whedon? You want his advice on comic-book villains?)
And again: "I heard Heath would only do the movie...if they brought back the bat nipples on the costume.. He wanted to have something to suck when Batman frisk's him. He said the Black Leather turns him on and makes his cock explode with white Joker Juice that he will spread on his skin, to give him the white color he needs for the part." (All class, this guy...)
"Just long as the Joker doesn't try to get Bats into the 'pup tent' he'll be fine!"
"im sorry but i cant take the next batman movie to seriously come on broke back gothem city, no it will never work get some other actor to play the joker not that dude."
And lastly, over at the Killer Movies Forums: "HOWEVER, if the media gets a hold on this and wants to tear it to pieces, they will, and THAT will hurt the movie a lot. ... Bad publicity = bad ratings = poor box office = no Batman 3." (Aw, you're not a homophobic twit at all! You're just trying to protect the film from all those other homophobic twits! Who just happen to, er, agree with you...)
"NO EFFIN WAY U GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Well if he does play the Joker I won't be seeing it... five more dollars I can spend on something else in '08!"
So, what have we learned? Well, mostly that playing one gay role forever invalidates you from ever playing a role in a super-hero movie. Thank God that the rest of the cast of The Dark Knight have only played staunchly heterosexual characters!
Like Christian Bale! No, wait, he played a gay reporter in Velvet Goldmine. Crap.
Well, there's Cillian Murphy! Nope, sorry, he played a trannie hooker in Breakfast on Pluto.
Let's see...Liam Neeson? No, he was a bisexual in Kinsey.
Gary Oldman! Certainly they wouldn't have the voice of legal authority, James Gordon, be played by an actor who played gay! Damn! Prick Up Your Ears! He played a gay playwright. And Alfred "Doc Ock" Molina played his lover. It's infecting the Marvel universe as well!
So, uh..Alfred is a fairly significant character, right? And Michael Caine is a class-act from way-back. I'm fairly confident that he, at least, has never sullied his resume by playing a queer.
(We'll just pretend that he and Christopher Reeve didn't play murderous gay playwrites in Deathtrap, shall we?)
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