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Monday, May 01, 2006
God Bless Stephen Colbert
I can't watch his show for more than ten minutes at a time. Honestly, I can only take his "isn't Bill O'Reilly a dick" one-note joke for about that long. Still, when people who have apparently never watched his show, or watched his show and didn't get that the joke was on them, invite him to give a speech in front of the President, comedy gold ensues:
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady, you know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man's beliefs never will. And as [pauses] excited as I am [turns to president] to be with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story. The president's side and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking reporting on NSA wire tapping, or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they're super depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
Over the last 5 years you people were so good. Over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didnÂ't want to know and you had the courtesy not to tell us. Those were good times, as far as we knew. But listen let's review the rules, here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he's the decider, the press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put it through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again, make love to your wife! Write that novel you got kicking around in your head; you know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration: you know, fiction!
Of course in that "non-liberal bias" reality, it never happened. I somehow doubt Colbert is going to be booked for very more speaking engagements anytime soon.
