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Thursday, March 16, 2006
I'm Probably Going to Hell for This
You know what I want to see? A revival of Life with Archie. I want to see a dramatic, real-world inspired Archie comic. But not like the old Life with Archie, where the idea of the "real-world" was "Archie discovers a spy ring" or "Betty and Veronica are kidnapped by burglars" or "Jughead gets pneumonia."
No, this is the Life with Archie I want to see:
#1: Ronnie's in trouble! But how will she get to the Women's Clinic for that delicate procedure when her father has promised to shut it down in his campaign for the Republican primary?
#2: They used to make fun of him for being a nerd, but not any more! Look out world, 'cause Dilton's got a gun!
#3: For years the gang has wondered why Jughead can eat so much and never gain any weight. And they're horrified when they learn the truth. This month: a shocking glimpse into the world of eating disorders.
#4: The Riverdale High Athletic program is being investigated by the Feds! Chuck betting on the games? Moose on steroids? How could Mr. Weatherbee let this happen on his watch. Or has he been taking a cut of Chuck's action all along?
#5: Archie and his gals and pals are shocked to learn a deep, dark secret about their favorite teacher. Mrs. Grundy used to be Mr. Grundy!
#6: Archie can't figure out why Betty, his soft-ball playing, car repairing gal-pal doesn't want to go "all the way" with him. Could it be Betty is more interested in Midge?
#7: The secrets of Reggie's success with the ladies is made horrifyingly clear. One word: Roofies!
#8: Sabrina just wants to be like all the other kids. But Mr. Lodge doesn't want a witch corrupting the school with her Satanic religion. Can they work out a compromise, or will it all end in tragedy?
#9: Mr. Lodge is indicted! His company over-charged the government for rebuilding projects in Iraq and he illegally moved money out of his employee's pension fund! Will being a rich white businessman be enough to get him off with a slap on the wrist?
#10: Josie's rock-and-roll lifestyle finally catches up to her. A cautionary tale about fame, drugs and alcohol in "Requiem for a Pussycat."