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Thursday, July 07, 2005
Comic Book Characters Make Tea
Daredevil by Brian Michael Bendis Daredevil spends twenty-two pages getting the kettle out of the cup-board, boiling water, and steeping the tea. Occasionally there is a one or two panel flash-back to him fighting zombie ninjas.
Kabuki by David Mack In a twelve-issue maxi-series, Kabuki makes a cup of tea. At least, that's what Kabuki fans say she did. Nobody else has the patience to figure out what the hell is going on.
Ultimates 2 by Mark Millar Captain America sodomizes an obvious Superman stand-in with a tea-cup.
Strangers in Paradise by Terry Moore Drinking tea makes cartoonish lesbian criminals write bad poetry and fall in love with men.
Cerebus by Dave Sim Real men don't drink tea. Tea is filled with mind-control chemicals that make men slaves of the feminist/homosexual plot to take over the world.
Ultimate Spider-Man by Brian Michael Bendis "What are you doing Peter?" "Making a cup of tea." "Making..." "A cup of tea." "A cup?" "Of tea." In extreme close-up. For six issues...
Star Wars from Dark Horse Remember the third character from the left in that busy crowd scene in episode three? He makes a cup of tea.
Green Lantern by Geoff Johns The tea actually first appeared in an issue published thirty years ago, and if you didn't read that issue you won't understand its importance to this story.
All Star Sqaudron by Roy Thomas The tea actually first appeared in an issue published sixty years ago, and if you didn't read that issue you won't understand this story at all, because it's a direct sequel to the back-up story.
Desolation Jones by Warren Ellis The tea is actually being drunk by a trio of Peruvian sex midgets who swear a lot.
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac by Jhonen Vasquez The tea is actually being used to make fun of how pretentious goth kids are, but it only inspires them to drink more tea.