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Saturday, May 14, 2005
I've Clearly Been Working Too Hard
How to Sell A Comic: The selling point for Desolation Jones seems to be "Hitler porn." (I should get some very interesting search requests out of that...) And, maybe it's just me, but it seems like complaining about a cynical protagonist in a Warren Ellis story is sort of like complaining about assertive women in a Chris Claremont story or an over-sexed hero in a Howard Chaykin comic. It's sort of like complaining about all those trees that are blocking your view of the forest.
Phrases I Shouldn't Have To Find Myself Saying at Work: "Mike, would you stop reading my gay porn!"
Things I Say When I'm Feeling Very Cruel: "If you don't hate the new DC logo you're clearly some kind of commie!" "Something must be wrong with me, I didn't want to masturbate after reading the last issue of Green Lantern."
An Observation: There's no such thing as a bad tattoo decision. There are multiple bad tattoo decisions. And there are dozens of bad tattoo decisions. And there's apparently falling asleep in the tattoo parlor and being used as a doodle pad. But no one ever seems to stop at one bad tattoo decision.
One Way to Avoid Getting Mentioned on This Site: Please don't take a mind-altering substance before coming into the comic book store. As if the staring, the refusal to recognize other people's personal space, the hyperactivity and the incessant, inappropriate giggling weren't clue enough, we can also still smell the stuff you were smoking on you.
How to Make Sure You Get Mentioned on This Site: Ask me to let you have something for free because you really want it but can't afford it.
When Mike and I Think About Something Too Much Some characters seem to have outlived their fanbase. That is, the appeal of the characters is now too narrow for the current comics audience to really support titles featuring that character. A good example of this type of character is probably the Atom. He's just not unique enough to support his own book anymore. But I wouldn't mind seeing an attempt to do an Atom book that approaches the character from a new angle or tries to take him in an interesting direction. Use the episode of Justice League Unlimited that featured him as a spring-board: a super-hero who happens to be an aging, slightly jaded college professor. Of course, were someone to do that, it would almost certainly fail miserably. Because all the comic book fans would want to know is: "When are Chronos and the rest of the Atom's rogues going to show up?" And you know what I really don't need to see in a super-hero comic ever again? An extended storyline featuring appearances by every villain the hero has ever fought.
Things I Wish I'd Told the Customer: "Well, I'm glad you're willing to concede that the person you're shopping for might be a Supergirl fan. Because, honestly, I sincerely doubt that this non-comic reading friend of yours really and truly is a big fan of Superwoman. I'd be very surprised if someone who isn't a reader of super-hero comics had ever even heard of either the Elliot Maggin Superwoman character or the Earth-3 villainess of that name, much less developed a fanatical devotion to the character. I find it far more likely that this person is a fan of either Supergirl or Wonder Woman, and either you or your friend is mis-remembering the name. "Oh, and as usual, thank you for coming to the comic book store looking for any kind of merchandise except a comic book featuring the character in question..."
A Conversation I Did Have: Mike: Well, it looks like I'm going to have to start checking our stock of V for Vendetta for reorders every week. Dorian: Only until the movie actually comes out. Then you'll never need to reorder it again. (See also our conversations regarding: Elektra, Catwoman, Hellblazer, Hellboy, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell, Sin City and Fantastic Four...)
Do Cheap Comics Sell: The only way I've been able to unload any copies of Red Sonja #0 is to put them right by the register so that every single paying customer has to look at it and the big tag that says "Only 25 Cents!" And even then it only seems to be selling to people who feel the need to comment on her massive...personality. I've yet to sell a single copy of any of the 75 cent Alias comics, despite putting them in several prominent places in the store with big signs saying "Only 75 Cents!"