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Monday, May 03, 2004
Reviewing movie trailers is one of the things I occasionally do to amuse myself and my on-line pals. It gives me an excuse to be snarky, while summing up how succesful the trailer is in advertising the film to me.
For this batch of trailer reviews, the rating system I will employ will be as follows: "willing to pay full price," "willing to pay matinee price" and "will catch it on cable if I'm sick and too lazy to change the channel."
Full Price Latter Days: I'm fairly certain that I've seen a porno movie with this exact same premise. A mormon missionary falls in love with a WeHo party boy and romantic drama ensues.
Hero: A big, grand romantic epic with people kicking each other. The kind of movie Quentin Tarantino wishes he could make, if only it weren't for that pesky lack of talent. I'd attempt a summation of the plot, but really I was too busy looking at the fighting to notice there was one.
Garden State: This looks gorgeous and strange and compelling, all things I value in movies. Pity I can't tell a damned thing about what it's about from the trailer.
Matinee Price Super Size Me: It's too bad this is a documentary, and therefore too "weird" for American audiences, because frankly the trailer alone should be enough to put people off fast food. A man goes on an all McDonald's diet, and films the process of his health and body deteriorating.
You Can't Stop the Murders: A strange Australian comedy about serial killings inspired by the Village People. What's not to love?
Two Brothers: Somewhere deep inside my black little heart there must be an eight year old girl, because something makes me all giddy when I think about seeing this movie. Two tigers have adventures in India during the British occupation.
Cable Godsend: What better way to discuss the ethical and legal implications of cloning than in a "thriller" starring a slumming Robert DeNiro! Yuppie parents replace their dead child by cloning him and spookiness ensues.
The Day After Tomorrow: Boy does the entire premise of this film seem unlikely...oh, wait, that's right, it's based on a book by noted crank Art Bell and noted liar Whitley Strieber. Never mind.